Pierced through the flesh,
And stung like an ant,
So familiar, that old buddy pain
It cracked my skull and tore my heart
That hell of a thing broke me again
No, I'm short of excuses:
My faith lost, I'm frozen at a place
Half my life gone in vain;
But I hurt myself yet again
The same old story
Repeats itself. Bravery lies
In forgotten lands
To think of this and that and that
So far, so far already,
But farther I went
To ask of forgiveness I don't have the right
All my deeds were marble lies
White and cold; It just couldn't get worse
But for the man I am, I took the challenge
And worse it got, now see where I am
Eternal damnation, if there be a thing as that
I shall be the rightful owner of the same
Curse me people as well as you can
But I'd still be the same,
The same - silly old lame.
In the name of God, let this be known
All my life, I've cheated someone
I've always known the rightful act
Yet I've done some incredible crap
Nobody can accept that I am insane
Perhaps that's what makes it strange
181016
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140,866 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
WOW! Another great one!
The descriptions given in the poem are incredible.
my favorite lines are
Could totally relate to it.
Man, these lines share strong emotions. I was totally in the poet's shoes. I could sense the pain. Your words have painted the picture so beautiful in my head.
I am glad I stumbled upon this.
You should write more like this.
This is an awesome poem. I loved the read. Looking forward for more.
Keep up the awesomeness! ^^
- sree
Interesting!
Aa gaye hum kaha
It is interesting to note that ur username is GreyMatter and ur poem's name is Cracked skull and grey matter is actually some stuf in ur brain where neurons are accumulated but not that any of it matters . So now I'm gonna read ur poem bit by bit.
It 's of course a really nice poem and it's pretty deep isn't it but there's just one thing I have to say do u think that 'Cracked Skull' is the right heading for the poem? I am not that person that go after each line and find little little mistakes , well it's partly becoz I'm too lazy. I don't think I could ever write something this deep and I envy u I guess.. and keep up the good work.
Thanks
This poem just came to me when I was actually felling all that. And the title is what I thought at that moment. The whole business was done within a few minutes and I didn't change anything after that. So it's just there. Even I wonder why that title but it kinda makes sense.
*feeling
Hi, GreyMatter! Nice poem you have here.
So I'm assuming this is freeverse because there's no meter or rhyme, so I won't pick on you for that.
Like I usually do, I'm going to get the nitpicky things out of the way first.
If he's your "old buddy", maybe you could change "that" to "my.
This is beautiful in terms of imagery and symbolism. The reader connects in this strange way, like when you used "crap" in the fourth line before the end.
Overall, people going through tough times can connect to this work. The voice that you used was unique and from-the-heart. The story does indeed repeat itself in ways that we don't like sometimes. This poem shared some hidden wisdom about people - Through thick and thin, you find ways to show the world something about you. (At least that's what I got out of it.)
Nice read - Keep it up.
-Manilla out
(Feel free to disregard any comments you deem offensive or useless!)
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem expressing frustration with everything seeming to go constantly awry in one way or another.
The poem struck a very personal note. Why? Simple, because I have lived it in many diverse ways. In fact, some of the statements, such as getting the skull cracked open by a buddy, and doing the opposite of what I know is right would be part of my auto biography. Made me chuckle sometimes in the same way I tend to chuckle at my own statistically-improbable misfortunes. I guess I am weird in that way but it has helped me from developing a peptic ulcer, have a heart attack, avoid a nervous breakdown which the majority of others would have had had they lacked my sense of humor. In any case, that made the poem exceedingly interesting to me. I don’t know what that number at the end is supposed to mean but I find it hilarious that it should suddenly and inexplicable appear there after the speaker tells us that he can’t seem to convince others that he is genuinely insane. Is that an attempt to do so. LOL!
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
suggestions
If you still have half a life left, don’t let it go the same way. Otherwise it can become a whole life gone that way.
The substitute “stung by ants” seems more logical.
White and cold[,] [i]t just couldn't get worse.
The word “same” is repeated thrice and too near to itself.
Substitute for “again” which is repeated twice and too close to itself, might be [once more]
Thank you for reviewing my work once again. I'm glad you could relate (should I be?).
Not necessarily. Many times poets and other writers use a persona which has absolutely nothing in common with the writer. If indeed I in any way implied that it is referring to you personally, then that was a mistake. My apologies.