Dear Jake,
I can honestly stand up for myself and say I am glad that I left you behind. I grew tired of your childish behavior, the floating between girls because 'it was alright because it is a guy thing to do'.
Everyone had told us that we were so cute together and we'd make it far. That was before they all knew what was happening behind closed doors. I can't believe I trusted in you and that I let myself fall for your stupid game.
We did have our good times, I suppose. I loved when we first started dating. I felt like I was the only girl in the world. We made that last for two years and we were planning on getting married before everything went downhill.
Why had I been so ignorant to ignore the signs of your cheating? The smells and the stains on your clothing were so clear. Perhaps I didn't want to face the truth, just wanting to live in a world I thought was perfect.
Then we learned we have been expecting a child and I couldn't ignore it all anymore. I couldn't bring a little boy or girl into a life like that, where there Dad cheated on Mom.
Thanks to your choices your son won't know you like he would. He will learn who you are from the words of others, especially my mother. I hope you were happy as a fuckboy because I learned my lesson.
This is my final statement to you unless it is regarding our child. I hope you enjoy life as a father who can't even see Micah. I hope you are happy with your choices Jake.
Poppy, your Ex
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Whoever Jake is, I certainly don't want to be him right now. The paragraphs, though only a couple of sentences each in length, have a distinct venom in their brevity. Also, reliving a relationship (of some length it seems) in a short few paragraphs really adds to the hurt tone of the ex Poppy; it adds an extra bitterness that can be associated with by anybody who has been a Poppy. It never gets to rambling either, it is incredibly controlled in its narrative.
The only idea I could suggest is to perhaps include some letters from earlier in the relationship to further the contrast and the downhill path of the relationship. Anything else has been said already; I'd suggest going one step further and building a world with Poppy, Jake and the rest, perhaps using the relationship as a central theme. However, for what it is, it's actually pretty interesting.
Keep at it, you've got some good ideas here.
This is pretty good -- I think like already said, it's something a lot of girls can relate to, but not just girls, boys can be cheated on, too. The main character has a lot of humanity and comes off as very realistic, and you use a strong sense of emotion that I really appreciate.
There's still more you can do to make it a stronger letter, though. Grammar and spelling aside, I want more reasoning from Poppy on why she can't forgive her boyfriend. I want to know why the breach of trust was so important to her, that she has to get him out of her life. There are a ton of people who get cheated on and break up , but there are also people who get cheated on and later forgive them. I want to know more of why Poppy is the former.
I actually really like this beginning, it really makes me feel terrible for Poppy and scorn for her ex. But you imply there was multiple cheating, and that's a big difference between cheating once and cheating many times, but you seem to forget to play that up throughout the rest of the letter. I think it'd be more impactful if you remind the reader that this guy didn't just cheat on her once, but cheated on her many times.
I would introduce Micah earlier in the letter and maybe even tell the reader who he is. You don't want us to feel bad for him for missing out on him, but if you word it carefully enough, you should be able to make it so that we're actually happy for Poppy.
Hey!
Well-expressed, I must say!
The line : "Perhaps I didn't want to face the truth"- captured my attention. I guess, at times we simply don't wish to hear the truth because we don't want our ILLUSIONS to be destroyed.
Your work is well-composed, a blend of sadness and reality. Good one, keep writing:)
Hello,raindrop here checking your short sad but still heartwarming work!
The tittle made me check it and that is also needed the review. *checking the greenies here*
So now that I am here,I will be honest here.The tittle made me think this will be despessing and sad, not cute or sweet at all.So I think I was right for this.Not like I do not like the theme and feelings put in this.I actually prefer them.Too sweet works are not for me.
I will go through this work to see if there are any bigger or other fixable mistakes that I can find so we can fix that.
I will write it the already corrected by me version down below so just check it together with yours.But before we start I have to say that this is sad,full of thoughts but still beautiful and honest-looking if this makes sense (means it is full of real thoughts and something that happens in the real life):
(I like the way you start it like it is a message or a letter.Something new for me to see.)
~
Dear Jake,
I can honestly stand up for myself and say I am glad that I left you behind. I grew tired of your childish behavior, the floating between girls because 'it was alright because it is a guy thing to do'.
Everyone had told us that we were so cute together and we'd make it far. That was before they all knew what was happening behind closed doors. I can't believe I had trust in/had trusted you and that I let myself fall into your stupid game.
We did have/had our good times, I suppose. I loved when we first started dating. I felt like I was the only girl in the world. We made that last for two years and we were planning on getting married before everything went downhill.
Why had I been so ignorant to ignore the signs of your cheating? The smells and the stains on your clothing were so clear. Perhaps I didn't want to face the truth, just wanting to live in a world I thought was perfect.
Then we learned we have been expecting a child and I couldn't ignore it all anymore. I couldn't bring a little boy or girl into a life like that, where (the) Dad cheated on (the)Mom.
Thanks to your choices, your son won't know you like he could. He will learn who you are from the words of others, especially my mother. I hope you were happy as a fuckboy because I learned my lesson.
This is my final statement to you unless it is regarding our child. I hope you enjoy life as a father who can't even see Micah. I hope you are happy with your choices, Jake.
Poppy, your Ex
Amazing.I just felt like this Jake deserves it! XD Anyways,this warmed my heart because it is so true.In the end even if he is a fuckboy and had fun,he loses.Great job!
This short story left me speechless while I was reading it the only thing that was going through my mind, was how much a lot of people go through the same thing. The reason I said people is because there have been men that have been cheated on, and were blinded by it. I relate so much to this story and I'm sure a lot of girls would do too. Great story, keep writing.