Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Here's Ch. 1 in case you wanted some reference: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/GreenLigh...
Double-Death Chapter 2: Willie
He was tall but in the George Washington way: always trying to make you think he should be shorter. His favorite food was his mama’s grilled cheese and his favorite movie was The Legend of Bagger Vance. Oily, dark grey hair was hidden somewhere beneath his patchwork newsboy cap because revealing it was never an option. His small, frightened eyes were like lightly salted almonds: just engaging enough to keep you from giving up on them altogether. They weren’t always afraid, though and his gaze became rather direct during the moments just before he pulled the pearls from around an extravagant bitch’s neck.
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The very first time I laid eyes on William “Ty” Johnson I had him pegged as my trophy target. I was the white-feathered hawk, circling high above the forest floor and he was the little, brown field mouse, awaiting a sweet surrender between my waiting talons. As I sit and reflect on that still October night, I know I would have felt an immensely quiet sense of pride at having cleansed the world of such an insignificant playing piece. By some eerily pleasant providence, however, Willie considered me a reputable artist rather than a run-of-the-mill bitch. The swollen, purple eye he left me with kept me out of Eros Weekly the next morning but, where we’re from, you never really see anything until you’ve lost that perfect, 20-20 vision. Willie’s vision was far from 20-20 and, from what I could tell, it never even had been. He let me share in his cloudy blindness and, for that, I am forever indebted to him. In our eyes, the sun was always setting and rose for the sole purpose of retreating once more. We often sat down to watch it dance across the great, wide sky we both wanted to tear a bloody hole in.
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“Stop loafing around and take the body off of the damn dresser. Fold it up good so it fits next to the boy’s...I put the suitcase on the coffee table down in the living room.” Willie’s hesitant nod and drawn-on grin reassured me that I was the flame and he was the waxen candle. Bodies always made him cringe without cringing and I liked that, especially when I asked him to move women. This old hag’s hubby hadn’t asked us to spare her, so Willie gave she and her trust-fund calf a few good shots between the eyes. Blood and Chardonnay were flowing by the glass, ‘cause Willie popped the cork but then forgot to pour himself anything. More for me I thought, he never was a very big wine person.
“Hey O, I think there’s something I need to tell you.”
“What’s that, Ty?”
“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to be honest.”
“Aw, come on ya big clutz! I’m like your big sis or somethin’, spit it out.”
“You sure you wont get mad?”
“For fuck’s sake, Willie what i-”
“Both bodies wouldn’t fit in the luggage, so I threw the kid in the elevator shaft.” My heart began to race and my entire being beamed with insecure pride.
“Way to go, champ. Let’s hightail it to Philly, post-haste.”
To Be Continued...
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Hey there, and Happy Review Day!
I loved the chapter, great job!
Oily, dark grey hair was hidden somewhere beneath his patchwork newsboy cap because revealing it was never an option.
Let me firstly say that I looove your writing in this paragraph! Your descriptions are amazing; all the beautiful similes and imagery create an extremely vivid character. Phrases like eyes like lightly-salted almonds and extravagant bitch’s neck make this a really splendid read. I only pasted the above sentence because I feel it needs an extra comma, just to give me some time to take a much needed breath.
I was the flame and he was the waxen candle.
Wow. Your other paragraphs are just as amazing. And the dialogue as well, your characters have such unique, carefully-crafted voices. I don't have any nitpicks for this chapter, and the only suggestion I can give you is to make it longer! Add in an extra 500 words to immerse me even more.
Hi! Thanks! I really just wanted to test the waters here before I extended these things--glad you liked it!
Andy here from team RC.

I went back and read the first chapter before I went to this one, so I had some background. Starting with the good, your writing is very descriptive and provides great pictures of both of your main characters. Your dialogue is interesting to read and you somehow manage to gloss over the fact that these two characters are cold hearted (I'm guessing?) killers and focus more on the traces of the love story between them. That is really impressive considering the details you put into the victims/'gore' descriptions.
One personal thing is I would have really preferred if the 'Chapters' were longer. As it stands, both of your chapters are only 1-2 pages long. They feel like intros to the characters more than entire chapters. Something like what you would see in a excerpt of a book. I would really like to see entire chapters that are something like 8-10 pages that give some background story to what is going on in your world.
Aside from that, your writing was really engaging and I intend to read more of it the moment I see new chapters. Tag me if you decide to write more on this topic!
Hello! Thanks so much for your review. I appreciate your input about the chapters' length. The first two are really intended to be parts 1 and 2 of a prologue that reveals the very tip of the iceberg. Coming chapters will be more full-fledged! Glad you enjoyed the read!
I will be sure to tag you once I write more.
yay