Pretty Girls Do Ugly Things

Hey Gracie!

I don't know about this poem... it reads kind of like a children's book. Like, "Fruit is good. Fruit is healthy. Fruit is delicious." Something like that. And yeah, it's true and you can agree with it, but it doesn't make good poetry. Instead of telling us about these pretty girls and what they do, let us see how awful these pretty girls can be by painting a picture where they are cruel and horrible.

So about the stumbling out of her window with Jack Daniel's, you can say:

She puts on her make up and brushes her hair
before sneaking out into the unlit hall.
With the hairpin, placed just behind her ear,
she picks the lock of the alcohol -- Johnny Walker Blue --
and steals into the night.

I don't know, be creative and adventurous in your writing!

Hokay, so. I wouldn't consider this as a "getting even" review (because that just makes it sound like I didn't want to review this - believe me, I do), but I would like to repay you for the review you gave me earlier this week.

Considering this poem is quite short, there are just a few points I'd like to make real quick:

1) I strongly consider trying to use correct punctuation and grammar. Since Lumi already addressed this, I won't say anything else about it.

2) While I agree with Lumi that you shouldn't begin and end the poem with the same phrase, I was more concerned with the way you began each line. "Pretty girls, Pretty girls, Pretty girls." You really don't use any sort of variety, which dulls down each line bit by bit because "pretty girls" just gets old after reading it so many times. While the subject itself (that pretty girls do ugly things) has a lot of potential to produce some great poetry... this feels like more of a list. They do this, and they do this, and they do this, and.. etc. I'm not saying to go all out with wicked imagery and whatnot, but you may want to try and rework each line so that they don't all start the same way.

Other than that, like I said.. it's a simple poem, and it's quite short, so there's not too much I can say that somebody else hasn't already said. Overall, nice work.

I liked the poem very much. It held a lot of truth that people fail to see. Pretty girls do do ugly things.

I liked this poem. It can be true that "Pretty girls do ugly things" but not all pretty girls do, for example, my friends don't do ugly things. Anyway, great poem and keep writing!

Gracie! This is cute, even for the topic and content. Though, I'm pretty sure that is the worst description ever for what this is about. Hah. I have two suggestions for you, though--one of which I think may have been mentioned a while ago. Here we are:

1. Punctuation and Capitalization:

So there's this general rule of thumb that I nearly always preach to my poets, and I'm going to do it to you, too!Try your best to give a piece correct punctuation and capitalization. Note that this isn't required! You either use it correctly or don't use it at all, and I want to suggest using it--and doing so correctly! I would go through and do it for you, but that would be like having a teacher write an essay for you, and I'm not into that sort of jazz.

2. The repeated intro/ending.

Choose one of the times you use "Pretty girls do ugly things" and delete it. Really, I suggest getting rid of the one you use in the end, as it just feels like a cop-out ending! Like you're saying, "Oh no, my crumpets are done cooking; I'd better wrap up this poem and post!" So try a different ending! With your talent (you're brimming with it!), I'm sure you can make something marvelous.

Keep writing, and let me know if you have any questions/comments!

-Lumi

Hiya! I'm Luxy and I'm going to review this for you today. I don't really have that many nitpicks to point out that people before me haven't made clear. Plus, I'm not really all that great at critiquing poetry as I'm not very good at writing it However I do enjoy reading it. This poem had a lot of truth to it and it also speaks about something that people usually try to ignore (at least where I come from). It shows real talent and maturity that I think lots of writers should have. Keep pumping this stuff out! It's wonderful.
Cheers,
Luxy

Gracie, this is really quite nice. It's simple, the lines work well and it has a straightforward message that almost everyone can understand.

The only thing I would recommend is to remove the first line (the one with the title) or to separate it from the paragraph. It interupts the flow of the piece.


-Maddy

Hello, I'm Jojo and i shall be your reviewer for today!
Edits are in #0000FF ">blue.

Pretty girls do ugly things#FF0000 ">.

#0000FF ">> space for punchline<

Pretty girls steal when they have the cash#FF0000 ">.
Pretty girls lie when the #0000FF ">truth is innocent.- #0000FF ">explain?
Pretty girls stumble out their bedroom window
#0000FF ">with nothing but Jack Daniel’s.- #0000FF ">It's a brand name.
And excitement tinged with guilt#FF0000 ">.

Pretty girls are at war with their mirrors#FF0000 ">.
Pretty girls stumble in their high heels#FF0000 ">.
Pretty girls think shallow and dream big#FF0000 ">.
Who would think that being a pretty girl
#0000FF ">was so damn hard?

Pretty girls wish they could care less#FF0000 ">.
Pretty girls wish they had more to complain about#FF0000 ">.
Pretty girls drink away their imaginary pain#FF0000 ">.

#0000FF ">>insert space for punchline<

Pretty girls do ugly things#FF0000 ">.