Young Writers Society

Woah there, Gollum! I mean, Sméagol! Er-- Sméagol-Gollum!

PRECIOUS IS LOST!

Ahem. Excuse me.

Please don't eat me.

I agree with @Snoink! If Gollum had taken over for a couple of stanzas, I think this would be funnier. Darker, yes, but funnier.

We was tolds to write a ballad,
Sixteen strings of words,
Abouts anything, anything at all,
So we writes about little birds!

Hi!
I like this poem, mainly because of the fact that it's the Lord of the Rings. Everyone about the poem is true. Great job!

Hahah!!

(Nasty, mean, fat Hobbitses),

Whoa. This was from ages ago.

Happy Review Day! Here is a short review for your hilarious poem!

Wow, okay, I started laughing. I love how this is in "Gollum's" point of view, and his words are plural and messed up. It makes it funnier, too.

I especially love this topic. Birds? Wonderful! The humor is in it, as well, and I mean, it's birds.

I don't have much to critique because you did such a great job with this, so I'll just gush with positive comments . ^_^

I have to say, I think I like the second stanza best. It has Gollum's feelings, but the "nine teeths" part as some description.

So, yup, I loved this poem of yours! Keep writing!

WillowPaw1~

This poem is as good as birdsies... The number of likes and reviews proves it! I have already reviewed on this. Allllllll the way down the long line of reviews you'll see it, but I just wanted to tell you again how awesome and genuinely Smeagolish this is!
~Timmyjake

This is so perfect :') Thank you

Hello Goldflame!

I am absolutely obsessed with this poem right now! Almost as obsessed as I am with The Lord of The Rings and the Hobbit and just Middle Earth all together. J.R.R. Tolkien was a truly amazing writer and I'm glad that there are many other people that enjoy his books and tales as much as I do. I mean honestly though, I have posters on my wall. I am a teenage girl, I'm supposed to have half-naked guys taped up not Bilbo Baggins.


What I truly love about this poem is how I can hear his squeaky, raspy voice as I read the poem (cleaning up my drool as I read of course) And it fits Gollum so well, he's my third favorite character in the movie, behind Gandalf and Bilbo of course.


I'm really glad that you wrote this poem. It really made my day, well rest of the year for that matter!

-Emily

I think you have really honed into the voice of Gollum here in a scarily accurate and kind of creepy way.

'Birdsies, birdsies, so tender sweet,'

The way you have coined some of his key phrases. This piece is just brilliant.

I would like to see more imitational works from you in the future.

Hey there GoldFlame!
I count J.R.R. Tolkien as one of my favorites too! I've seen the entire LOTR series, read more than half of The Hobbit, and seen Part 1/2 of the movie, (I thought it was terrible and hardly followed the book).

I think you portrayed Smeagol's character quite nicely! Also, I liked his reaction to the Hobbits and their food. It made me think of the line when he ate the bread in the bog and also when he said, "We ought to wring their filthy little necks!"

There were no spelling or grammar mistakes, and you added the s's at the right moment too.

Overall, I give it 5/5 stars! Keep writing!

Cheers,

~Swiftfur

Hi. Storybraniac here to review. I really liked this piece and how the boy talks. And I agree with blacknether12 about the fish and fishes thing. And i don't really think this is long enough for a review, should not have written the things at the beginning. And I like J.R.R. Tolkien too. I just love his series. That's enough for this time.

-Sibuna-

(That's my way of saying bye)

lol, okay this was amusing. One nitpick though.

Gollum would have said 'fishesss' and not 'fish'

He didn't really seem to get the whole 'plural' thing down, and always hissed the end off.

(btw, you only love JRR Tolkien because you've never read Brandon Sanderson).


~Black~

Hello GoldFlame!

I really liked this poem, because I am a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings. Also, I kinda like-ish Gollum too! This poem was very creative, well written, and the grammar mistakes made it, ironically, even more well written. I don't know if I'm the only one, but I read this in Gollum's voice.

Great job! I mean it, GREAT job!!! I never saw a poem like this and I absolutely love it.

Thanks and keep on writing, mephis

Hi! This is going to be quick, but I just wanted to tell you how cute and awesome this poem was. I could hear Smeagol saying the words and everything in his sing-song lilting, and I love all the little asides and whatnot that really kind of capture Smeagol's way of talking!

The only thing that could make it (possibly?) cuter is if Gollum took over a stanza or two. Since the last couple stanzas are supposed to have a "change" of tone to them (since it's a sonnet and all that), I can totally see Gollum taking over and changing the tone. XD

Still! I really like this. Good job!

This is very Gollum like. I can imagine Gollum in his cave actually saying this. The way you spell the words helps to create the picture of Gollum and helps to show the reader how he would in fact say it.
This stanze of the poem:
Bird-free sky makes Smeagol mad;

Smeagol hatesss eating Hobbitses’ bread.

Oh, birdsies, birdsies, so juicy sweet,

Smeagol’s hungry for one of your heads!

I feel like it comes to show the largest amount of Gollum, as it shows his personality.

Overall this a good poem, and it is as perfect as you can get without being a perfect human.

I call him Smeagol, mostly. I love Lord of the Rings and the "Hobbitses."

oh my gosh this is really cool! Smeagol is such a creepy character and to hear a poem from himself, made up of course, is pretty interesting. I like how there is a rhyme scheme like the "words, birds", "sweet, meat" and "bread, heads". I can barely make up rhymes!

To GoldFlame,

Ha, I like it. It is interesting to put a poem into a point of view we all know about. Since I have seen the LOTR I could hear him speak while reading this. And since I was reading it like him I didn't picture him saying the word indignant. That is the only thing to break the poem for me. Overall definitely very creative. Nice work.

-gottaHaveFaith

How humorous! I've never read or seen any of the Lord of the Rings series, but I've heard about Gollum. I like the way you make him speak. This is a very funny poem, I wish I knew more about it so that I could know more about this series, but cool.

Nice job buddy.

First off, I would like to thank you for writing a poem as Gollum. I had no idea I wanted this until I read it. You did a great job mimicking his character and I really appreciate how the subject of the poem would be something that he would actually write about. Again, fantastic job! I absolutely loved it!

~ElectricSkies

Hehehe. Hilarious. Just came off watching three of the four Tolkien movies, so Gollum is fresh in my mind. Great poem.

This is really good, I'm currently reading The Hobbit and this fits Gollum just right! Good job!

Hey there, Calvinn to review!

This is the first time I am reviewing poetry, but I had to read this! Don't eat my head off, but I'm not a huge fan of the books themselves (the movies yes), but I still got the gist of the poem. Well, wow! The rhyme feels natural, not forced EXCEPT for the third stanza. Also, as has already pointed out, the second verse of the third stanza is indeed somewhat off-putting.

The idea is brilliant - whoever would have thought to write a poem from Gollum's perspective? Really curious as to how you got the idea, but seeing as you're a fan of the books, I guess that explains it.

That's all I have to say really. I guess the one good thing about Gollum-speech is that it's goodbye to ortography and hello hisses!

Well done and good job!

Calvinn.

Hi there my friend! I read this and immediately fell in love with it! You captured Gollum entirely in his fullness! You should seriously write more poems like this!

Your rhyme and rhythm was superb! I especially loved when you wrote (nasty, fat hobbittses)! I love it in the story and your poem!

Keep up the good work!

~BlimeyLimey217

I really liked this and I love the idea of dedicating this to JRR Tolkien. The humor in here was great and I really appreciate the effort you put in here. On all accounts it was great. However, since this site is meant to help everyone develop their talents, I'm gonna point out all the stuff in here I didn't like. Hopefully you'll be able to use it to make your poem even better.


To start off... I think you may have over done it with the "gollum type" of speech. Gollum talks funny but he isn't a kindergarten kid. He might use words like "Hobbitses" and "birdsies" but the way you've set it up makes him sound unintelligent. Remember that Gollum is still rather intelligent, just extremely illiterate.

Also, the last line...

Smeagol’s hungry for one of your heads!

juicy

tender sweet

nine teeths

Stupid, mean, fat Hobbitses

Hehe, pretty funny there guy ^-^

I enjoyed reading it a lot, I had Gollum's voice rivetting my head with the words so it made it very enjoyable, hehe. Write more ^-^

Timmyjake here to write a review!

First I want to tell you that J.R.R. Tolkien is my favorite author, too. Perhaps not his writing style as much as his imagination and just how the characters play out. Gollum(And Sméagol. Can't forget him) is one of my favorite characters on the humor side of things. Of course Gandalf is my favorite, period.
I don't actually see anything worth critiquing. It is obvious that Gollum himself wrote this, who obviously hasn't gone to any grammar classes. Funny how he was able to get all of the punctuation in, though!
Wonderful poem, very funny. I hope you make a few more from Gollum's point of view in the future. Maybe a "ballad" on the virtues of the precious?
Keep writing!
~Timmyjake

Haha, this is awesome xD Your really managed to capture Gollum's way of speaking. It's awesome. You should write more of these