Let's go with chapter 2!
I must say, I don't have many major complaints with this second chapter. This is more a transitional, set-up chapter, and for the most part I can resign myself to it being that way since I'm still curious to learn about the Cutter concept. The chapter is predictable, but for the most part it is written in a way that still keeps me engaged, probably because it moves forward quickly with good pacing.
The sun was up and shining the next morning, but there was still a slight breeze that made me shiver.
I quite like how you opened this chapter, not necessarily because it is description, but because it almost feels like it is foreshadowing something (a.k.a. hinting at what is to come). Often weather can be used to foreshadow the future events of a story. The fact that a slight breeze made the main character shiver despite the sunshine makes me think that something bad lurks behind this seemingly exciting trip to Mr. Teller. I'm reading so much into this lol, but it would be cool if that is indeed the case. Weather doesn't have to symbolise anything, although it can be a cool tool to do so. :3
By the way, I know other reviewers mainly critiqued you for not having enough description of the setting, but like every element to a story, there needs to be reason for it. If that reason is simply to have pretty descriptions, then having it becomes a little meaningless. Description can be used figuratively to create a certain atmosphere or mood (e.g. harsh/ugly/dark descriptions create a sinister or uneasy feeling), or to teach the reader about the world and characters of the story. If neither of these uses are necessary/helpful at any particular part of the story, then putting in description can take away from the other elements of the story (such as plot, character, story pacing etc.) – not that you have done this. Yes, description is important, and having no description is not a good idea, but at the same it is okay to not have it where you don't need it – the trick is to figure out where those places are.
Alright, I promise I'm moving on from descriptions. xD
We hadn’t said much, I was pondering over whether I would be accepted, and Mother had been silent since we left the house.
This sentence would read a lot better if you replaced the first comma after "much" with a semicolon (one of these bad boys ; ) so it reads, "We hadn’t said much; I was pondering over whether I would be accepted, and Mother had been silent since we left the house."
“Perhaps if Mr. Teller knew just how not so well off we are, he would’ve reconsidered recruiting me!” I muttered to myself.
Having an exclamation mark followed by the main character muttering contradicts itself, since muttering is talking softer/quieter. I would suggest either removing the exclamation mark or have the character state the sentence instead of mutter it.
“Oh! Sorry.” I stammered. I handed him my ticket, and he punched a hole in it and gave it back.
Nice characterisation (developing the character's personality) here! So far I'm getting that the main character is polite, optimistic, and a little absent-minded. However I still don't believe the reader has been told the main character's name, or what gender they are (unless I missed that somewhere lol). I would suggest trying to slip that info either in this chapter or the first one.
Another thing you could include more in this chapter is how the main character really feels about this whole Cutter situation and the life they have led up until now. This chapter is a perfect opportunity to focus on building who the main character is along with the world they live in, because it is more of a set-up chapter anyway.
As for the setting of this story, I'm assuming it takes place in an Earth-like, modern-day type world, though this isn't completely clear. This world has trains, clearly, but does it have smartphones? It has hotels, but are they like the standard hotels of Earth, or do they have magical/fantasy elements to them (my guess is they don't)? You have complete freedom to imagine these things. You can get away with not having much "world building" in the first chapter (in fact it's often better that way), but to keep following a story a reader needs to have a decent grasp on the story's world. That doesn't necessarily mean excessive descriptions (like I addressed above), but a few good sentences that clarify just what type of world we're dealing with is enough to ground the story somewhere.
Yup, that's another review for ya. Stay tuned for more. ;3
— Coffee
Points: 2387
Reviews: 92
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