Back with another review~
My overall main critique of this third chapter is that nothing that happens seems to contribute to the novel's plot. At this early stage of writing a novel you are carefully gathering and placing bits of information (a side character there, some foreshadowing over there, a suspicious building or the rumours of something out of the ordinary in this world) that will develop and become more meaningful later on. At the moment I'm not getting that the places the main character explores and what she discovers are setting up anything for the future in a promising way, which leaves the chapter feeling a bit aimless for me. The pacing of this chapter is still good like the ones before, and the writing itself is fine, but what you write about plays a huge role in how engaging a story is.
“Here you are!” The Inn is marked with an x, so you’ll know how to get back. Dinner is available from 5 ‘till 8. Be sure you’re back plenty before dark, lots of thieves and pickpockets come out then.”
This is more of a typo correction than anything, but you don't need to put the double quotation mark after "are" because the lady is still talking afterwards. And ooooh thieves and pickpockets sounds like possible trouble. If you wanted to give this chapter more purpose for future events like I explained above, you could have the main character run into said thief or pickpocket. That would definitely create some excitement. Bonus points if the thief/pickpocket ends up being an important/relevant/reoccurring character in future chapters of the story. But this is just a suggestion~
I climbed the steps and went to open the door before finding it locked. I was about to turn away and look for another way in, when I noticed a sign posted on the door.
Museum Hours
Sunday to Thursday: 10:00am-5:00pm
Friday: Noon-3:00pm
Closed Saturdays.
Disappointed, I walked back down the steps, and headed towards Culle Street.
At the moment I don't know if the museum being closed means anything, and it doesn't really feel like it does. If it does mean something significant, I would draw attention to this more. A possible way you could do this is by having the main character overhear someone on the street talk about the museum in a way that reveals why this museum could be important. I get that it contains a lot about the characters' history, but if that is the case then why make it closed on the day the main character visits? What purpose does it being closed serve?
I went back into the city center to try to find a souvenir for Mother and Darren. I knew I couldn’t just get a pretty ornament; it had to have a use.
I really like this detail because it helps develop who these characters are and what they value. The fact that they would rather practical souvenirs over pretty ornaments says a lot about them.
I also like that I'm learning about the street names and the layout of places. This is one way of building the story's world.
After a hearty meal at the Inn, I headed to my room and began reading a book I found wedged in the side of the mattress.
Whoa, she found a book?! That's pretty interesting, and it would be even cooler if the person who originally left that book there was a significant character who stayed at the inn before her. It's little details like this that can grow to become curiously meaningful if you let them, which can give the reader more reason to enjoy reading your story.
And another review down! I hope these reviews have been helpful to you so far. ^^
— Coffee
Points: 2387
Reviews: 92
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