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Soul Cutters Chapter 3

by Gnomish


An hour later, I woke up from my nap, and put my coat and shoes back on. I didn’t know how long the interview would take and I was determined to see some of the city before I left, just in case I didn’t come back.

I tucked the key in my pocket after I locked the door, and headed downstairs.

“Do you have a map of the city I can borrow?” I asked the same lady who had given me the key.

She handed me a folded sheet of paper from behind her desk. “Here you are!” The Inn is marked with an x, so you’ll know how to get back. Dinner is available from 5 ‘till 8. Be sure you’re back plenty before dark, lots of thieves and pickpockets come out then.”

“Thank you ma’am. I’ll be sure to return before dark.” I left the Inn, the map in my hand. I turned on to Vitmond Road, but instead of turning on to Culle, and going to the train station, I went straight.

My destination was the big museum. Mother had said that she had went there once, and that’s how she knew so much about our history, even though she had lived in the same place almost all her life. It was clearly marked on the map, and best of all, it was near the Inn. Only three streets and a few blocks away. Unfortunately, Brook Avenue was fairly far away, and I would have to leave at 8:30 in order to make it to Mr. Teller’s office on time.

Five minutes later I found myself in front of a magnificent stone building, with stone steps leading up to the door.

I climbed the steps and went to open the door before finding it locked. I was about to turn away and look for another way in, when I noticed a sign posted on the door.

Museum Hours

Sunday to Thursday: 10:00am-5:00pm

Friday: Noon-3:00pm

Closed Saturdays.

Disappointed, I walked back down the steps, and headed towards Culle Street. I decided that I would visit the museum the next day if I had time, and instead go to the city center. Brooke Avenue conveniently was also in the city center, so I could find my there as well.

Although most of what I’d seen of the city was busy, I was unprepared for the crowds of people in the center. The smell of cigarette smoke filled my nose and mouth. The constant sound of footsteps and talking made my head spin. For a split second I felt a painful stab of homesickness, but I knew I was here to enjoy the city, not spend the whole time wishing I were at home. Besides, if I weren’t here, I’d be working at the river with Darren, or trying to find the cheapest food at market. I kept my head down and walked on. Everybody seemed suspicious and I kept my distance from them all.

Brooke Avenue was quieter, populated mostly by coffeehouses and offices. I breathed a sigh of relief when I could hear myself think again.

39 Brooke Avenue was a small building with about five different offices in it. Mr. John Teller was the third name listed, and I wrote room 3 on my map as a reminder.

I went back into the city center to try to find a souvenir for Mother and Darren. I knew I couldn’t just get a pretty ornament; it had to have a use. As I walked around, covering my nose from the stifling smells, I saw someone selling small bottles of spices. They were much cheaper than they would be at home, priced at only one and half clinks for a bottle.

“Can these be used for anything?” I asked the man sitting behind the counter.

“Oh yes! These ones can be used in any an’ everything!” He held one up for me to inspect. “They’ll put the taste right on. Makes everything taste good!”

“Which one do you recommend?”

He stared down at the bottles for a minute. “I think this one’s real good!” He passed me a bottle. “They’re all worth gettin’ though.”

I reached into my shoe and pulled out two clinks. “I think I’ll get one bottle.”

He took the coins and gave me back a half clink. “Good choice! You’ll see soon enough it works good as I told you.”

I tucked the small bottle into my pocket, and started heading back towards the Black Wolf’s Inn.

I got there twenty minutes later and returned to my room. I pulled out the bottle and placed a pinch on my tongue. It tasted rich and salty, and as good as he said it would.

After a hearty meal at the Inn, I headed to my room and began reading a book I found wedged in the side of the mattress. It was quite dull, but it gave me something to do.

At 11:00 I slipped under the covers and tried to fall asleep. I had told the women at the desk to knock on my door at 8:00, so I could be up and ready to leave by 8:30.


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Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:31 am
AvantCoffee wrote a review...



Back with another review~

My overall main critique of this third chapter is that nothing that happens seems to contribute to the novel's plot. At this early stage of writing a novel you are carefully gathering and placing bits of information (a side character there, some foreshadowing over there, a suspicious building or the rumours of something out of the ordinary in this world) that will develop and become more meaningful later on. At the moment I'm not getting that the places the main character explores and what she discovers are setting up anything for the future in a promising way, which leaves the chapter feeling a bit aimless for me. The pacing of this chapter is still good like the ones before, and the writing itself is fine, but what you write about plays a huge role in how engaging a story is.

“Here you are!” The Inn is marked with an x, so you’ll know how to get back. Dinner is available from 5 ‘till 8. Be sure you’re back plenty before dark, lots of thieves and pickpockets come out then.”

This is more of a typo correction than anything, but you don't need to put the double quotation mark after "are" because the lady is still talking afterwards. And ooooh thieves and pickpockets sounds like possible trouble. If you wanted to give this chapter more purpose for future events like I explained above, you could have the main character run into said thief or pickpocket. That would definitely create some excitement. Bonus points if the thief/pickpocket ends up being an important/relevant/reoccurring character in future chapters of the story. But this is just a suggestion~

I climbed the steps and went to open the door before finding it locked. I was about to turn away and look for another way in, when I noticed a sign posted on the door.

Museum Hours

Sunday to Thursday: 10:00am-5:00pm

Friday: Noon-3:00pm

Closed Saturdays.

Disappointed, I walked back down the steps, and headed towards Culle Street.

At the moment I don't know if the museum being closed means anything, and it doesn't really feel like it does. If it does mean something significant, I would draw attention to this more. A possible way you could do this is by having the main character overhear someone on the street talk about the museum in a way that reveals why this museum could be important. I get that it contains a lot about the characters' history, but if that is the case then why make it closed on the day the main character visits? What purpose does it being closed serve?

I went back into the city center to try to find a souvenir for Mother and Darren. I knew I couldn’t just get a pretty ornament; it had to have a use.

I really like this detail because it helps develop who these characters are and what they value. The fact that they would rather practical souvenirs over pretty ornaments says a lot about them.

I also like that I'm learning about the street names and the layout of places. This is one way of building the story's world.

After a hearty meal at the Inn, I headed to my room and began reading a book I found wedged in the side of the mattress.

Whoa, she found a book?! That's pretty interesting, and it would be even cooler if the person who originally left that book there was a significant character who stayed at the inn before her. It's little details like this that can grow to become curiously meaningful if you let them, which can give the reader more reason to enjoy reading your story.

And another review down! I hope these reviews have been helpful to you so far. ^^

— Coffee




Gnomish says...


Thanks for another great review!
The museum being closed doesn't mean anything.



AvantCoffee says...


Okay, thanks for letting me know. ^^ I started reviewing your next chapter at it looks really great! If the museum being closed doesn't mean anything in this chapter, I would recommend either having it be open so she can discover what's inside, or remove/delay the museum idea so that more meaningful ideas can be put in this chapter.

(If you want honestly, I'm almost thinking that you don't need this chapter since not much happens. You could likely jump from the second chapter to the fourth with little consequence)



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Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:27 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to do another review for you on your chapter on this lovely day.

So I'm going to try and make this review short, but I'm not sure if I can. Okay let's get to it.

So in your past chapters, I've seen how well your writing and I have been telling you that in my reviews so in this review I'm going to help you with your description and when to is the best time to add it in. Okay let's start with the first paragraph I saw.

An hour later, I woke up from my nap, and put my coat and shoes back on. I didn’t know how long the interview would take and I was determined to see some of the city before I left, just in case I didn’t come back.

Okay you see the line that is in bold, well it is like that because you have some room to put in some description. So I'm going to take that line and add some description in and show you what I mean.
An hour later, I woke up from my nap, as I lay there in my bed I looked around my room, the light from outside bursting into the room filling it with warmth. I could also hear the notices coming from the streets down below. Slowly I sat up and swing my legs over the side of the soft bed, reaching down i picked up my dark brown fir coat and plain black shoes and put them back on.

Okay so I know it's not perfect, but I just wanted to show you what you can do with the paragraph, but if you think it doesn't need all that then you don't need to worry about it. I think I have told you this before but I think I'll tell you again, these things you should keep in mind when writing, sound, sight, smell and feel.

I hope this helps you in anyway, I hope to see ore of your works out on YWS soon, Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D




Gnomish says...


Thanks, I'll try to add more description!





I'm glad I could help you out a little. Your story is really good, and I can't wait to see what you will write next.




"Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
— V for Vendetta