I am drawn to its light,
Like a moth to a lamp.
Shot from the Archer
Somewhere behind,
An arrow of fire
Ignites the columns
From within,
Like the kerosene flame
Behind stained glass.
The white flutter
Of night-chilled wings
Breaks the distance
Of inches, of centuries.
Here I am reconciled
With history, with the ancient
Smoothness of stone,
The weary laborer’s back,
And the fragile taste
Of mystery lurking
In the temple’s hearth.
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hi I really enjoyed reading this poem and to be honest I can't really find anything wrong with it.
Overall nice work, keep writing
Hi! Thanks for the review.
I see what you mean. This poem is still a first draft, and I have hopes for its potential. I have to do my usual rip-this-poem-into-pieces ceremony that happens before I start to edit it, so I'll make sure to keep your suggestions in mind when I put it back together.
Thanks again!
--Glim
Here to review as requested!
This has come vivid detail and nice descriptions. I like the flow too. One thing I noticed, though, is that it was a bit hard to understand. You have sentences divided between stanzas, which usually indicate different ideas, much like paragraphs of a story do. Because this doesn't rhyme or have a particular pattern that it follows, other than a vague 5-line stanza one, I'd suggest breaking this up differently. As it is, my mind couldn't make connections between lines on stanzas and the sentences they're in. The punctuation was not enough to draw my attention to the sentence structure.
Other than that, I do like this, though it was a bit hard to follow. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but I think that if you restructure this, it could be even that much more amazing.
loveness, ultraviolet
I loved this poem. I shall start with the first thing I loved...
- I though in the first stanza... "moths to a light really?" but then I saw how you used the light, the flaming arrow, to slide so perfectly into the the next stanza and description that I was blown away- thank you for returning life to an old cliche!
- Your descriptions were vivd but not lurid so that they held an elegance not unlike the parthenon
- The whole poem gave me a very greek god-y vibe. It was just a sensation I got from reading the poem that I couldn't quite pinpoint but was still super cool to experience.
All in all- superb.
This poem is very well written. Any reader would happily note that you have a very strong idea in your mind and know exactly what you are saying. Stellar descriptions addded to the prominent imagery you placed in this poem. Work very well done!!!
Is 'WOW!' enough of a review?? haha No, seriously. I have absolutely no idea how to review poetry--well, for the most part--so I'll just go ahead and say from a complete bystander POV that I LOVE this. End of story. =D