I Am
I am sunlight breaking into the old growth forest.
I am dusty fur and sweet horse smell.
I am memories of cold creeks and crawdads and friendship.
I am melting chocolate bars and sugarless lattes in a coffee shop.
I am burst of blue sky in a whirling waterfall of snow.
I am baby bird who tasted her first breath of flight.
I am swirls of yellow in “Starry Night.”
I am freedom in an outstretched arm, a perfect pirouette, the sound of music carving the mountains of my soul.
I am sandcastles in the roses and forget-me-not sky.
I am Hestia’s hearth hidden in the fierce, eternal beauty of the Parthenon.
I am rumble of the subway in New York City, and the sad, distant knowledge of the sea beyond.
Author's Note: This is a school project where the poem has to be about ten lines and must have each line start with the phrase "I am." Not what I usually write, but I wanted to get some feedback on it to see if there are any noticable things I should change.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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You're welcome!
And I only suggested adding the articles because I thought your teacher'd want 'em, so it's all good. And hey, one of my poems follows very rigid rules, and I like it as much as the others.
Keep up with the writing, and I hope the grades be good! (This would probably have been an 'A' in any of my high school English classes, so you should do great!)
Thanks for the review!
I'd love to change those lines to include the articles, but my teacher specifically asked us to eliminate those, sooo...
That long line is also bothering me: I'll try eliminating the perfect, as you suggested.
I'm glad you liked it! I wish the rules weren't so rigid, but good grades come first, I suppose.
Thanks again,
Glim
Nice!- about as well as one can manage with those rigid forms teachers so like in high school English.
Just a few grammatical 'corrections', since your teacher will probably nitpick that kind of thing:
Not sure if you should correct these, though.
I feel that you should shorten the "I am freedom" line to fit on one line (being a rigid-form poem and all), but don't know how you could without reducing the line's impact... maybe take out 'perfect' in front of 'pirouette.'
Well done, and here's to it being well-received!