Writing Olympics Haiku

Early morning light (5)
Falls on beauty amidst mess (7)
And lights a life. (4)

i think the last line only has four

and lights a life
1 1 1 1

overall they were really good
i think if you had given them all titles it would be easier to know what they were about

u beat me i only wrote one haiku, too much work for the summer since we do poetry so much in school already

Your haikus remind me a bit of T. A. Barron. In his Great Tree of avalon series, he has a morning prayer that says something about breaking dawn finding you(I can't really remember what it actually said...^^). A lot of your haikus have the same feel, like the first, second, and fifth ones. They give you this fresh feeling after you read them, and that's really good.

And then there are the dull ones, like the third, sixth, and seventh ones. Those could use a bit more imagery and a lot more colorful vocabulary. Remember: you don't always have to use just simple words in a haiku. There are a lot of things you could use, like "Nervous driver" instead of "A young driver". It gives you a lot more insight to the person in the haiku, and spices it up more.

I'm sorry if this spoiled your day....

Gladius wrote:Most of you know there's this Writing Olympics event going on right now. Many of you know there was a past event which dealt with writing Japanese haiku. In trying to find a haiku that I really liked and wanted to submit, I must have written at least a dozen (I admit I've become addicted ^_^). xD So I thought I'd share them with you all and see what you thought of them. I'll put stars around the one I entered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Among the green leaves,
Sun shining like gold pillars,
Beautiful birds soar.

I like the imagery in this one, but it could be a bit stronger.

Early morning light
Falls on beauty amidst mess
And lights a life.

Now this I like, it's brilliant

White paws on white floor
A kitten chasing red light—
How entertaining.

It's cute, I guess...

*Hiding Mouse Haiku*
High over a field
a spotted hawk wheels slowly.
Mice hide in the grass.

I like the fact that the last line of this haiku doesn't give you an ending, as such, it just sort of leaves you wondering about what will happen next. Good

Soft feet patter in
Woodland bright with dew and light.
The Pack hunts with song.

Again, cool imagery. I really like the idea of this one - but it could be a bit stronger, more precise, too.

Dry grains shimmer in
heat that slows everything down--
Life begins at night.

This one doesn't really have much of an effect on me, sorry. It's rather plain.

Two hands on the wheel,
a young driver takes her test.
She will go places.

Ditto.

Sharp blades rise and fall.
Red dance of death on the field—
War fought in shadow.

Ooh, now I like this one. I like the colours it creates in the readers mind, and the danger it implies.

On day dark as night,
Evil falls to the broken
Power of love's light.

Clever rhyme.

Leather wings on high,
Dragon searching for more gold.
Raids will be made soon.

Meh, it's ok...

Lithe red flame dances
Against the black granite wall.
Hatchlings leave their shells.

I like this idea, but does the red flame really fit birth? I'd have associated it more with battle, or anger.

Dragons fly like clouds
Over sea so bright and calm.
The migration starts.

This one's really pretty as well, I like it too