DEAR DIARY......
Hello, Diary.
I'd like to start off here today by saying, what a lovely diary you are.
I have decided to name you Clarabelle, because most cows are called Clarabelle, and I enjoy cows.
My name is Lenny, by the way. Of course you'd know that, Diary.
I told you this morning while we were cuddling.
Such a pretty diary.
You are a leather diary, made from dead cows. I know this because I have an allergy to leather, and I broke out in a rash whenever I touch you.
See you tomorrow, Diary.
End of chapter
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138,497 Literary Works • 672,143 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Uhh...I think I'm finding myself at a little bit of a loss for words here with this particular introduction that you've got going on here...cause I mean, on one hand, its seems like a very innocent diary entry by someone that's fairly young and is just writing a tiny bit of what they think about their diary, which makes for a pretty wholesome little passage here.
And then of course we look at it form the other other hand it kind of looks like we've got a couple of red flags here. For starters there is this very casual mention of the fact that this person can't even touch the diary without getting rash and is yet writing in it, which sounds like something that really shouldn't be happening at such a young age. On top of that, we get the feeling that this diary is this person's only confidate and companion, which suggests that perhaps they are a bit lonely for some reason or the other. It's all hinting at something potentially bad going on behind the scenes here.
At any rate, it was a really interesting piece to read, and there's a surprising amount you can get from this despite how short it is.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Yoda, how did you know what I was going to say about this piece? Two months before June's review day, no less!
Silliness aside, I thought this piece was cute. Cute, but nothing more. The humor isn't laugh out loud funny, but it's not "oh god this is HORRIBLE!" or "so bad it's good" either. It's just average. Just cute.
As to why this is "just cute" I think Yoda put it best.
You have a string of random stuff that, while slightly amusing, fails to be the fantastic funny you were probably aiming for. In order for funny to work we need something called context. Have you ever had a friend telling you about a funny situation that happened the other day, yet it fails to be funny because it's one of those "had to be there" moments? This is kind of the same things. Context is very important in comedy, and it takes more than sheer randomness to be successful.
Perhaps you could remedy this issue by writing more than one entry. Not only would it establish context for exactly what kind of person this Lenny is, but it would give us reviewers more stuff to review. Reviewing short pieces is hard work since there's usually not much to review, and not having much to review means shorter reviews, which also mean less points awarded from said reviews. I mean, less advice. You won't get nearly as much advice on how to improve with short reviews. Advice is important, yes.
Hope this helped. Feel free to contact me with any questions or comments.
--Dover
Hey Ginger,
You enjoy cows, but you have an allergy to leather? You poor thing.
You write a fairly strong prose, but you don't really show it to us properly. To take a piece this short and review it is not really going to be too helpful, but here goes:
- Humor is not about writing random stuff that is contradictory and slightly disturbing down. It is the art of surprising the reader by placing the unexpected in the right places. I suggest reading some Douglas Adams to see how that is done. For situational humor, Terry Pratchett and PG Wodehouse are also very good resources, and all of PG Wodehouse's stuff is available free online.
- Calling this LE DIARY does not make it anymore funny.
- You do have what seems to be a strong grasp of English going for you.
Hope this helped,
Yoda
Le 9gag?
4chan.
Interesting, to say the least.