Beep. Beep. Beep.
Oh my god! Shut up!
Do you see my closed eyes? They're still asleep
Go to bed you stupid machine
It's 5 a.m. and it's still dark outside. Do you know what that means?
The sun's still asleep and now I need some caffeine
I look half-dead and my hair is a mess
Look what you did! My pillows lost my trust now that I'm up and about!
I hope your batteries die you evil thing. You're a cruel monster I must confess
Oh look at that! I have bags under my eyes
You made me lose my beauty rest and now my face must suffer
Let me slap on some concealer to give myself a simple disguise
Adios, Mr. Alarm Clock. You win this time
I must go to school now, my personal hell, thanks to you
Why did I ever buy you? I see that it was a mistake and realize that you weren't worth a dime
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hello there, Gingahcakes,
THIS WAS PERFECT! I read it while my ginger friend was writing a comic for class on a super hero named Nap Girl. We died laughing. It is well written and very funny. However, you are missing a few commas. If you want to punctuate properly that is, At the end of every stanza you should have had one, and there are also some of the lines that have a conjunction, "and" which should have a comma right before that. The other spot is in the line "I hope you die you evil thing" there should be a comma after die.
Great job, very funny, keep writing
--Cam
lol what a coincidence. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Funny that your friend is ginger, too!! Gingah buddies!! Anyway, thx for the advice and I hope that comic goes out with a BANG!! Good luck!
This poem is totally awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I really hate waking up.
You kept me interested the ENTIRE time
Which is great
And this is something that I would tell my friends to read
Because I'm sure they will say the same thing
You used your own personal style
Which I really enjoyed
Writers who use their own style make me want to read their work
So keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thx!!!
Glad you liked it!!
Haha, i like this!! Anyone at any age can relate to this which is good! I particularly enjoyed how you wrote it, as if you're in bed at that moment in time, questioning, thinking, so on and so forth. I really liked the use of rhetorical questions, the short sentences and the onomatopoeia. It adds character and humorous flair to it. The only point I have to make, im being very pedantic now, soz. Is that there are no full stops or punctuation at the end of each stanza, which is slightly annoying-but thats just me!! Da iawn!!
lol thx!! I'll take that into consideration! Don't forget to check out my other works!
Yo, Weymouth is gonna review this cause i'm cool like that
I really like how you personify all these objects, like "the sun's still asleep" and "my pillows lost my trust" because it gives everything a more human feel. I'll get on to nitpicks now, sorry :')
This poem is great, I HATE waking up
I do think that punctuation at the end of lines is a must, because to me, a blank space at the end of a line just looks unnatural (unless intended).
Also, in "my pillows lost my trust" it should be "pillow's" as an abbreviation for 'pillow has'.
Well thats pretty much it, I think you're a great writer, hope you do more!!!
Hahahah so true, alarm clocks are so annoying. This poem was amusing, and pretty well written. I only have a few judgments to make, but nothing serious really
. Firstly, some of the lines don't flow really well, I might just be picky, but some of the lines just seem a bit chunky. For instance; "It's 5 a.m. and it's still dark outside" change that to " It's 5 a.m. and still dark outside", just a little alteration to help if flow better.
Also; "The sun's still asleep and now I need some caffeine" maybe change that to " The sun is still asleep. Now I need some caffeine" has a bit more of a ring to it.
Just a few punctuation alterations and it'd be all good, but anyway, that is just my opinion. Others might disagree. Overall I really liked this poem, it was upbeat and simple, not too wordy. Poems that are too wordy annoy me sometimes.
Good job, keep writing