Young Writers Society

Ok so uh… I wrote this late at night and I woke up to find a draft that went in a totally different direction and was kinda wack, so I decided to just chop some stuff off, and now here we are!

Hi!
I saw you in the posts in the forums frequently, and eventually, my curiosity overcame me, so I decided to check you (and your writing) out. So, here I am!

I have many compliments to give you on this piece. I'll start with your descriptions.
"These were not the sounds of footsteps, but the sounds of many, many joints popping and cracking with each movement."
How did you even come up with that?? That description is awesome. I can almost hear the cracking, and that's not a particularly friendly sound. But, at the same time, I like how you don't give a super detailed description of the monster. You leave it up to the reader to develop their image of a creepy half-mechanical (in my mental image) beast. I'm sure everyone had a different image of the beast, but whatever they came up with, it was most certainly creepy.

The end was rather surprising. I, for one, was totally not expecting it to be so sudden or abrupt, but it was a well-written shocker, and makes you wonder if all of that were just a dream or whether she was thinking about the beast of her fantasies and then got broken in by reality, or whether the beast was there, and her mother is downstairs. Or was it the beast that said that?

Whatever it may be, I'll have to find out.

Great writing, and keep up the good work!
-Kaia

Ohhh I’ve seen a few videos from LIGHTS ARE OFF and yes, it is Nightmare Fuel. Whatever might be awaiting Sophia isn’t going to be good, because nothing in those videos have happy endings. Or I could be wrong. I’ll have to find out in the sequel. By the way, I like the cover. It’s really pretty. I’ve always wanted a canopy bed, but I’ve only gotten one in my dreams.

I wish you an amazing day/night.

This was a truly interesting read! You kept us guessing until the very end and then somehow managed to confuse us even more. I cannot decide if the entire thing was a creation of a little girl's imagination or if you are trying to imply something else with the dialogue at the end, which is something typically a parent would say. I also loved how the entire story was a build-up of tension with the most ambiguous resolution at the end!

Keep writing and happy Social Month!

Oh this is interesting! The ambiguous ending works well for a flash fiction short. That bit of dialogue leaves me wondering if Sophia is having some kind of sleep paralysis experience, or if the monster is real and her parents will see it when they open the door. I also appreciate how you set up this paragraph of 'normalcy' describing Sophia's bedroom and giving some sense of who she is in the beginning before the creature appears. I think it adds atmosphere and makes the story more immersive.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a pretty intriguing little piece. Rather simple on the surface but there seems to be a little bit more to this piece that immediately meets the eye and I love that. A strong scene in the end.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Little Sophia was sleeping blissfully in her bed that morning, cuddling a rabbit plush she had named Mr. Pickles. She had everything a seven-year-old girl could ever want; a fluffy pink princess bed, a canopy with built-in lights, cute decals all over the walls, and a huge toy box filled with toys that had to be at least $30 each. It was clear that her parents loved her very much.

Sophia was dreaming of jumping on clouds and eating marshmallows, and so she could not hear whatever was walking up the stairs towards her room.

Crack, crack, crack. No human’s feet could have made those sounds. These were not the sounds of footsteps, but the sounds of many, many joints popping and cracking with each movement. Crack, crack, crack. The sounds got closer. Crack, crack, crack. They got even closer.

Soon the creature in Sophia’s home had made it all the way up the stairs.

It was massive, and yet it had no trouble walking through the hall; it was a rather wide hallway with a tall ceiling. Sophia had left her door cracked a bit, and so the creature was able to nudge it open with its head. Crack, crack, crack. It was careful not to step on any of her toys.

Now the terrifying creature was looming over the young girl. She opened her eyes, awoken by the loud sounds of its breathing. The details of the beast soon came into focus,

The creature was pitch-black in color and had no facial features whatsoever. Its four legs were practically stilts; they were thick and bulky at the shoulders, but were thin as twigs at the end. On its back were colossal spikes so sharp that someone could be impaled by them. These were accompanied by huge horns on its head.

“Sophia, honey, it’s time to get up for school!”

Oooh, this is very interesting! :D I love how the description of the creature led my brain in one direction, and then the ending completely turned my assumptions upside down. Stories that play with the reader's expectations are amazing. <3 Keep writing!!

Hey there! Lolth here for a review!

So, this is really well written! I'm very impressed. I love how you describe Sophia's bedroom, the sound effects the monster was making, and what the monster ends up looking like. I was able to visualize it in my head.

It's interesting that she didn't freak out when she saw the monster, and when the monster says it's time for school, it gives me the idea that maybe the creature is one of her parents. If that's the case I'm really curious as to what Sophia looks like. Does she also look like a monster?

I'm super interested in reading more of this if you decide to write more.

That's all for now!

This was so well written! The description of the characters, the room, the sound effects(which according to me was the scariest part :0 ), the toys, and the furniture really made the story come alive.
Even though the story was short, but the way you described each element of it was truly phenomenal and extremely bone chilling.
Reading your piece was an experience full of anxiety, disbelief and got me having weird sensations in my stomach (i'm not even kidding). Honestly, I was so pleased with the ending to see that the girl was having a nightmare because the scene before that was just too scary for me to read and imagine! I'm definitely going to check out the animator's work you mentioned here because this piece was so fun to read!
Looking forward to reading more of your work<3
Love, Andy