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Fakebook- Chapter 5

by GawravMehta

Notification: Nihasa has accepted your friendship request.

I exulted in triumph and smiled at my recent victory. My predictions were cent percent correct about physiological trait of girl’s mind- it can switch anytime, anywhere. Yipee! She added me, I acknowledged myself unable to contain the excitement.

My curiosity was running high to have a glimpse of how Nihasa looked like. I immediately checked out her photo albums expecting her to be a combination of Cinderella and Snow White feeling a sensation running all over my spines.

They were different albums in her profile names ‘Evil’s paradise’, ‘Conscience of a whore’, ‘Graveyard’s serenity’ and ‘Paranoids baby’. I clicked on all her albums ruled by my intermittent desire to see Nihasa’s pics but found myself lost in the collage of weirdest, wackiest, funniest and grotesque photos picked up from anonymous corners of the world. I felt nauseated looking at a pic of a cannibal feasting on a man. I instantly switched to her profile pictures which was shockingly ridiculous.

For me, profile picture revealed a lot about girls. A picture with a beautiful faces and all profile hidden, she is probably the one for you but there is nothing to get excited. She would never accept friend request. She would only add you to collection of her pending request, to later show to her friends, how many friend requests she receives every week. Mere waste of precious click!

Picture of a baby, cake, heart or any other stupid thing, most probably a teen who needs to grow up. If she has put up lovely Katrina on it, she is shy, ugly or both. Beware! If in case picture taken from a single side angle of her face, she is most probably fat on the other hand if picture is taken far away, definitely not a fake profile, just try to zoom in with your eye lenses to figure out more of her. If you find a guy in the picture along with her, she is already booked. More then one girl in the picture, she is most probably ugliest in her gang. A picture with a ugly face, click the back button as soon as you can before anyone catches you red handed.

But, my Nihasa had the profile picture of an animated warrior alien princess with a glow stick in her hand combating against an evil gelatinous jelly with two eyes protruding out of the blue blob in the galaxy. Shit! I wasn’t able to interpret her profile picture. The beauty turned out to be a beast. Still I found her pic disgustingly attractive. I posted a comment on her display picture:

You never told me about your alien ancestors? Does that account for your extra-terrestrial habits and taste!!

I flitted to her wall since I believe if you really wanna know some person then go through their posts since the day they have joined Facebook, analyzing each status update carefully. Then, you’ll get to know the person and the changes gushing out in them. Again a post from sinster SHARKHEAD on her wall gave me a shock.

Oh! That’s why you didn’t come online. All the best darling! Get back to me when your exams over. Take care! Miss you!

I tried to overlook his post, but again same question popped in mind. What was relation between them? I tried to convience myself with positive thought, which in fact, my heart was eager to listen. They both are nothing more then friends. If Sharkhead was her boyfriend then for sure, he might have added I love you or I miss you at then end, I reasoned myself with stupid thought. But, I miss you was you was already there. I felt like knocking off his teeth and blowing his sharky head with a hand grenade but resorted to posting my comment on that.

Dearest fucking Sharkhead,

Why don’t you get yourself some colorful crayons, draw mysterious forest and bugger off!

Your absence is more peaceful. Remember, this is Eiggy Piggy zone.

Stop troubling Nihasa!

When I continued further reading Nihasa’s wall, one of Nihasa’s status updates read:

Those who think I’m fake ‘cause of absence of my real pic, I add that I look like modified version of Lady Gaga. Hope you figure it out; Thank you bastardz..

Well, this status has a blood-curdling effect in me. A chill caused gooseflesh on my body when a caricature of Nihasa draped in gadgets flashed in my mind. I ignored the update since something I was sure of, was her interest in me. I clicked on the MESSAGE icon to private message her.

Knock! Knock! Nihasa available?

I returned to my homepage and refreshed my chat list twice hoping to find my friend’s online. None of my friends were online apart from bunch of stupid foreigner’s whom I added to increase my friend list and make it look fancy.

There was a picture of my ex-gf in my Inbox. To make me jealous my ex-girlfriend send me picture of her boyfriend kissing her. In order to escape the boredom, I forwarded it to her dad whom I found in her Family tree over Facebook, hoping her would be more jealous. I was relishing my cunning evil smile when a small alert window popped down the screen indicating someone was online.

Suddenly, IM popped from bottom of screen.

Nihasa: Hoysay Piggy! Nihasa is not available here. I like punctual dogs. Good going!

Am I Dog? I didn’t like her thought; because dogs smell every bitch at least once before hooking. I would have loved if she called me Piggy because they always stick to one sow. Whatever! I indulged myself for another chat session with Nihasa.

Eiggy Piggy: Hello Nihasa! Kids in your locality safe? I’m not a dog instead I’m a farting machine who is always buzy farting..LOLZzzz...

Nihasa: You moned me in a blitz of fart! Whatz Piggy upto other then faring?

Eiggy Piggy: Nothing much! Piggy was grazing in Farmville. But, when Nihasa’s grass is green enough why graze in another field!! Therefore Im back..

Nihasa: Thatz colossally lame! You trying to impress Nihasa?

Eiggy Piggy: Nay! Already depressed by your brother SHARKHEAD.

Nihasa: My brother? Lolz..Huh! Ignore that sick minded Sharkhead! Cheesy jerk! Do you have any girlfriend?

Eiggy Piggy: Already blocked that fucking idiot. I’m devil and devil’s pair is designed by Satan himself.

Nihasa: You such a destructive mentality. What if your pair in made in heaven? How would you reach your soul mate?

Eiggy Piggy: In heaven only angels live. Angel got wings; she can fly and come to me anytime. She’s always welcome to hell.

Nihasa: Sorry! This is broken angel with a toasted heart,


Eiggy Piggy: Not a big deal! I can become doctor to fix my angel. For exclusive treatment you may visit my clinic.

Nihasa: You must be psychiatrist considering I am mental.

Eiggy Piggy: Nopes! I’m a Jholchaap doctor. Still I got commitments, oops, I mean appointments

Nihasa: You are endlessy interesting Piggy. Where’s your clinic? In thou heart

Eiggy Piggy: Nah! My heart is restricted zone. No trespassing allowed even when enter with stethoscope.

Nihasa: Stupid doctor, idiot doctor! Can I ask you something?

Eiggy Piggy: Wanna ask me a question? It would cost 10 Rs. Hehe! C’mon, ask me, I can really tell you anything except size of my undergarments. LMAO

Nihasa: Just think for a moment that if you have particular girls number and she wishes to talk with you. Will you ever call her?

Eiggy Piggy: You’re kidding! Why would I call a girl without reason? Many girls wanna talk with me, I ain’t got any time.

Nihasa: You want me to believe that stupid reason? I know boys.. If they have girls number then they are for sure to call once.

Eiggy Piggy: As I told you before. Piggy means expect the totally unexpected. Miss-Understand? Don’t forget to grave golden lines in mind.

Nihasa: Huh! Don’t show me your attitude yew lil’ kuchiee-koooo piggy cuz you don’t have any. Take this as token of friendship-‘+IA-HFJBEHAADE’. Think about it in peace!

Eiggy Piggy: What’s this? Is it some crypto telling some secret thing to me?

Nihasa: I can’t believe you’re so intelligent. You make me go pig.. :-* unfortunately, I’ve to go right now. Take good care of yourself cuz I’m not there.

Eiggy Piggy: Please don’t leave me alone! I beg you! I can’t stay without you anymore. If you are thinking I would sat this then again you are wrong :D

Nihasa: Someday, you gonna repent your words. Last request Piggy..

Eiggy Piggy: C’mon spit it out before you die.

Nihasa: Lets log out together on my count..

Eiggy Piggy: Not again..But, what’s the significance?

Nihasa: One…

Eiggy Piggy: I don’t understand reason behind it.

Nihasa: Two…

Eiggy Piggy: Last time you did same. What’s the logic?

Nihasa: Three.. Now you’re free..

Nihasa is unavailable, but you can still send her a message.

Thank you for reading, folks. Hope you enjoyed so far. At this moment, all I can say is keep reading patiently without giving pressure to your brain. With time everything will become clear. I promise! You'd fall in love with Fakebook. Will be desperately waiting for your precious review. :)

To be continued...

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User avatar
14 Reviews

Points: 979
Reviews: 14

Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:26 pm
greg925 says...

Now, this is getting interesting. Very twisted and cryptic, kind of disturbing. Love it!

Only obvious problems is the mispellings and other little mistakes, but that's irrelivant at this point. I can't wait for the next chapter. Nice work

User avatar
189 Reviews

Points: 398
Reviews: 189

Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:14 am
manisha wrote a review...

it was real good read. I'v read all the chapters you have written so far. A considerable improvement from the first chapter to this one. This goes for the plot as well the grammar. If you are already not i would recommend you typing the story in a word document first. Ms.Word gets really helpful in rectifying spellings and typos.
i found some little mistakes here and there.

I tried to overlook his post, but again same question popped in mind. What was the relation between them? I tried to convince myself with positive thoughts, which in fact, my heart was eager to listen. They both are were nothing more then than friends. If Sharkhead was her boyfriend then for sure, he might have added I love you or I miss you at then the end, I reasoned myself with stupid thoughts. But, I miss you was you was already there. I felt like knocking off his teeth and blowing his sharky head with a hand grenade but resorted to posting my comment on that.

the chapter on the whole was good.
Continue writing the chapters!

:) !

Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting.
— John Green