CHAPTER 1
Present Day
You know the old wives tale that your ears get hot when someone is talking about you?
Well, Faith’s ears felt like they were on fire.
Her dad was yelling at her mum again about her, and she was listening in through the walls.
“I don’t even know why you kept her for all these years. She’s a little brat and nothing more than a pain in my ass.”
Of course, this was no-where near the truth. Faith got straight A’s in school and never said a bad word to her parents. Sometimes she wondered if she was even related to them. Gabe’s hair was a flaming orange. Mary’s was white-blonde and as straight as a toothpick. But Faith, her hair was jet black and wavy. From what she’d seen of the family photos of Gabe and Mary, no-one else had black hair. When the shouting from the kitchen stopped, Mary stormed in and threw Faith’s backpack at her feet.
“Get to school.”
Faith cringed at Mary’s harsh tone. She was usually very caring and sweet towards Faith, but the arguments with Gabe always seemed to put her in a bad mood.
Reluctantly, Faith picked up her bag and walked out the front door. She didn’t want to go to school. She hated it. The only consolidation was that she didn’t get hit at school like she did at home. But when she finally arrived at school, she was bombarded with the usual taunts that greeted her everyday.
“Stay away from the AIDS person!” Aaron Byron shouted.
“Get lost, you freak!” Cyndi Allison yelled.
Faith ignored it as she walked through the car park. She’d had a friend a few years ago, and she’d asked her why it was that people treated her the way they did. Jasmine had shrugged and said “You’re different.” Eventually Jasmine had joined in with the rest of the crowd in teasing her. Faith didn’t want to be different. She wanted to fit in. Somewhere. Anywhere. She got the feeling someone was staring at her back, so she turned around to see who was talking about her this time. She saw a pretty girl about her age staring at her with wide eyes. The girl nudged the guy standing next to her and whispered in his ear. When he looked up at Faith and started to smile, she turned around before the couple could see her eyes well up with tears. No need to let them know that they get to her. Before the tears spilled over, she ran to the girls’ bathroom and cried. She’d never fit in. She’d always be different.
* * *
Caitlin nudged her very attractive vampire mate, Leon. With his black hair and totally ripped body, Leon could make any girl – human or vampire – pant after him.
“Do you see the girl over there, with the green eyes,” she whispered in his ear when he leaned down.
Leon looked up and smiled. “She looks like Jack in girls’ clothes and a wig.”
Caitlin elbowed him in the stomach. “Don’t say things like that. Besides, Jack isn’t that pretty, or innocent.”
Jack was their vampire coven leader, and a head royal. He was extremely handsome – despite what Caitlin said – and was as tough as nails.
Before the girl turned and practically ran away, Leon studied her features. She was skinny, but had curves in all the right places, and her black hair hung past the middle of her back.
“You don’t think she could be, you know, the Lost Light, do you?” he asked.
“Shh,” Caitlin hushed. “We aren’t supposed to talk about that.”
Leon’s mouth drifted downward in a frown, Caitlin immediately regretted being harsh with him. He looked like a teenaged biker, but he was really as soft as a teddy bear. “Call Jack and tell him about the girl,” she said in softer tones. “We’ll talk about it when we’re someplace other people can’t overhear, okay?”
Leon nodded at the same time the bell rang. “C’mon Sweetie, we don’t want to be late on our first day.”
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmm..this was a neat little start here I think. You've got a couple of minor things that could perhaps be ironed out here and there but for the most part, this seems like actually a pretty solid opening piece here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well this is quite some entrance there. It seems like its not the most functional of families there judging based on the first impression and for some reason a lot of the anger in the family seems to go the way of Faith somehow who at least by her own admission seems like someone who should probably not be yelled at so much or talked about in that way.
Well...that just makes things even tougher right away...hm, from the impression at the start I almost thought Faith had a bit of a tough home life but found some solace in school, now it seems that school is even worse there or at least more of the same. The demonstration there of just how it can be towards the end in addition to that little story from the past makes for a neat little parcel of backstory for us to figure out just how bad things are here and I think you do it really neatly here.
Okay....I feel like perhaps there was a bit too much emphasis on the description there, it seems like you went a little too far in how the people looked rather than sort of how they acted. Its not exactly a bad thing, but I think you have to at least make those things a bit equal or it just reads a bit awkwardly. It certainly is interesting to see that these two aren't what Faith assumed they were not to mention it is very interesting to see this whole vampire situation. I also think you managed to introduce that vampire aspect pretty neatly there without being too on the nose with backstory.
Hmm, well it is hard to place what these two are here to do...but you get the feeling something possibly important and perhaps tied to some prophecy somewhere going just off the feeling here. At any rate, I find myself really wanting to know about where this is going here. Its an intriguing ending.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think it makes for a pretty enjoyable opening scene here and it does make for a pretty neat little sequence of events to start on. There's enough backstory for both the sets of characters introduced for us to get a good general lay of the land here and there's enough promise for things to come.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Sorry, i meant that i was mad about it
About the AIDS thing, i just added that in because i got teased about having AIDS when i never so much as kissed a guy before. I added that in becuase i was made about it at the time.
Hey that was a really great story, but you need to improve your grammer alittle more. Also make sure to really descride what they look like and there surrounding like instead of saying he had a hot body say, his body was toned with muscles that ripped right threw his t-shirt. Also when describing hair, eyes, exc. make sure to use things to help describe them like, he had coal black hair and vibrant blue eyes. Also please write why people call her those names like AIDS does she sleep around with guys or what? In all I thought it was a good story and I would really like to read more keep up the good work!