Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
ForevervilleForest, Foreverville
Outer Realm
Wednesday, October 24
19:35 - Sunset
"Fuck,"
Jim felt his heart jump into his throat as the palm of his hand slammed desperately into the bottom of his Maglite. He swallowed hard, forcing that quick-beating monster back down to his chest, and reminded himself to keep it together. Still, he was thankful all the same when his flashlight's beam finally flickered back to life.
He gave the woods around him a quick sweep, hoping to locate the source of that rough growling he had heard just a moment ago. It had to be the same creature as the one digging its awful claws into the trees, every tree it passed, by the looks of it, ripping bark and snapping neck-sized branches, leaving wounds in its wake. If that was what the trees looked like, Jim was dreading what was waiting for him.
"You sure it's this way?" he muttered over his shoulder, and then turned a moment later to look Ranger Martin in the eye. Martin, of course, was glued to the map he was holding, eyes and flashlight trained on the paper in front of him and not the ground he was walking on. He ran right into Jim, startling himself, his gaze snapping upward.
"You're worse than my son," Jim muttered, snatching the map from him. "You've worked here eight months, you should know these woods by now."
"Well, nobody told me when I started that I would have to be remembering where bodies are."
Jim gave him a look, the same one he reserved for Josie when he gave Jim a smart-ass remark or backtalk. Martin, however, wasn't deterred.
"I thought I would be, you know, helping people identify mushrooms, giving people directions to the outhouse, etc, etc...."
"Yeah, we get it, these murders are real inconvenient for you," Jim snapped. "Get your head out of your ass, Martin, and just tell me where you found the damn girl's body."
Martin had the good sense to tuck his tail between his legs, pouting as he nodded to the woods ahead of them. "Just past the water, on the north edge of the Big Rock."
Jim sighed heavily, shaking himself to get his bearings straight, and pointed his flashlight ahead of him again, forcing himself to set one foot forward. He was a grown man, dammit. He had no reason to be scared of the nighttime.
And yet, the markings clawed into the trees seemed to loom out at him from the darkness.
Still, Jim pushed his way through the underbrush, reminding himself to keep an eye out for clues as the familiar unpleasantness of decaying flesh hit his nostrils. There was no doubt about it, there was a body up ahead. Damn it, Martin. The one time the idiot had to be right.
He hated having to confirm it before he could call it in, but he forced down a shudder and stepped forward, edging around the Big Rock until he spotted her. It was just as Martin had said - wounded and gruesome, intentional, sick. She was pale. Her eyes were open. She looked terrifyingly calm.
"Dammit, Martin."
"Sorry, Sheriff."
"You're gonna have to shut this trail down," Jim told him roughly, then sighed. "I'm gonna have to call some people."
He stepped away, excusing himself as he pulled his phone from his pocket. First thing to do was call Deputy Sanchez, and then the coroner. Jim lit a cigarette to smooth the frayed edges of his nerves as he punched the number in and hit dial.
“Yeah, Sanchez, I got a 10-6 down in the Acres, on the north edge of Big Rock. Yeah, I’m about to call Smithton. Just get down here - bring a flashlight and some evidence equipment. See you soon.”
He dialed deputy-coroner Smithton and relayed a similar message, informing him of the girl’s basic attributes and her most important status - deceased. Smithton reluctantly assured Jim he was on his way, and Jim hung up and got back to looking around.
Ranger Martin was still standing by, hanging around idly, looking unsure what to do and obviously avoiding looking at the body. Jim forced himself to look down, to look at her more closely. She was clothed, thankfully, head to toe - a sweater and jeans, with a long, dark braid falling on the ground from her head. The wounds on her - in her neck, in her abdomen, tears shredding her open - were animalistic, rough. There was no fear in her vacant eyes, no terror in her face. Whatever attacked her, she knew it, had seen it before. She hadn’t been afraid of it before it delivered her demise. And yet, Jim had never seen markings like that before. He didn’t know what animal it had been - wasn’t sure if it had been animal at all.
As Jim looked closer, he frowned, his gaze falling upon the branding on the inside of her right arm, just below the crease of her elbow. A trapezoid, with a flame and two swords crossed above it inside it, the edges of the brand also rough, seared into her skin. Something deliberate, an insignia, a calling card, a symbol of something Jim didn’t recognize. A cult, maybe, but that didn’t seem right either - Foreverville wasn’t that kind of town, not with Jim in charge.
“You okay, Sheriff?”
“You ever see that mark before, Martin? On any other kids in town, adults, anyone?”
“Not that I can recall, Sheriff. Maybe on those punks that do that weird ritual shit by the Caves on the weekends? But I can’t say for sure, one way or the other.”
Jim made a humming noise under his breath and looked around, glancing over his shoulder at the sound of Sanchez’s truck driving up the trail behind them.
“Damn, it’s dark out here,” Sanchez said gruffly, stepping out of the truck and looking around himself. “Them storm clouds aren’t joking, huh?”
“You know how Foreverville weather can be,” Jim sighed under his breath, motioning with a nod towards Big Rock. “She’s over there.”
Sanchez's smile faded as he nodded grimly, clicking on his Maglite and making his way towards the Big Rock. Jim could hear Sanchez's heavy sigh from across the way when Sanchez saw her.
"Any ideas, Sheriff?"
Jim took a long draw off his cigarette as he forced himself to saunter over. His stomach churned, doing subtle flips as he was once again overcome with the smell of decay. Even though she was still a few yards away, he felt as though her eyes were on him. Like her eyes were everywhere, all at once. All seeing. All knowing. Sins, split open for observance in broad daylight. He couldn't look at her but it didn't matter because the image of her remains was imprinted on the back of his eyelids. He couldn't look away, couldn't shake it from his head.
He took a deep, rattling breath and forced himself to focus.
"The only other thing that stumps me besides those claw marks is that mark on her arm. You ever seen it before?"
Sanchez shined his flashlight on it, giving it a good, hard look. Much to Jim's surprise, he nodded, even if a little uncertainly.
"Once or twice, yeah, on some young'uns running around town. I always thought maybe it was one of those sci-fi things, you know, like those Trekkers, or whatever. Never really thought it meant much."
“It means a hell of a lot,” Jim muttered as deputy-coroner Smithton joined them on the scene. “And we’ve gotta find out what.”
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I saw this chapter in the Green Room and looked around for the previous one so that I had more content before reviewing this one. However, I did not find any other chapter, so I just going to be reviewing this one separately.
You started right in the middle of a scene with a curse word. Somehow that acted as a great hook right there, and at once pulled me into the story to figure out what was going on. At the very beginning, you have set a very distinctive tone to the story, giving us a basic idea of what we should expect. I loved how you have built the atmosphere, submerging it in an aura of mystery and horror so that the readers at once get invested in the story.
Your descriptions were brief and to the point, and they set the scene perfectly. You described what was going on in the moment well enough, but since there are elements of horror and fantasy involved in this story, world-building is very important. For example, when you included a comment about the weather, you could have also given us some description to judge it ourselves. The visual of the approaching storm could have added to the spookiness of the scene and increased the graveness of the situation.
You have introduced an already established character in Jim. His character seems to be well though out and has a distinctive personality of his own. I don't know where we are in the story, but the little information we gain about Jim in this chapter gives us an idea about the man. He is authoritative in the way he gives orders to Martin and yet the scene of the murder affects him. He has a good reign on his emotions and is able to do his job dutifully and responsibly even at times when the situation is heavy. Even though, the sight of the dead girl had shaken him up a little, he was still able to able to think quick on his feet and noticed the mark on her arm.
I also liked the part where he admonished himself for being scared of a little darkness. Somehow, that scene humanized him to a great extent and at once, I was able to connect with him on a greater scale.
The discovery of the mark and the circumstance of the girl's death does not really seem to faze the officers present. It makes me wonder if this is not the first time something like this has happened. On the other hand, from the little we got to know in this chapter, Foreverville has been painted as a rather small and calm town. Jim himself mentioned that things like cults are not a normal occurrence there. It makes us wonder about this place and its people. Either ways, that was a very good place to leave things for this chapter. Again, I don't know if its the first chapter, but you have set the foundations for a really great mystery here. We have the plot laid in front of us, and you have already invested your readers with your strong storytelling. It makes for an incredibly interesting start and at once we find ourselves wrapped up in something big and complicated.
Overall, we have a great start here. I hope you continue with the story and post soon!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Hey! Forever here with a review!!
I noticed that it has been in the green room for quite sometime. So, I thought I could help in kicking this out of here. Let's get into the review now.
Okay, first of all I think that this was a very intriguing start to yet more intriguing story. I am a bit confused about the chapter number because it actually seems to be the first chapter of the novel. Another thing which I would like to point out is the inclusion of the name Kunaedal in the title. As the story is not being narrated from the girl's perspective, I would suggest to exclude that from the title. It just spoils the suspense.
Well, the next thing which struck me was the time of the sunset. 19:35. The time of the sunset was 7:35? Hm... The inclusion of the word sunset actually intrigued me a bit but I guess that's not very important. Anyway, I liked the beginning. It made me continue to read the whole story.
I am a bit interested to know about the past. This kind of started from the middle. I feel that we need a character introduction. Do we have a previous chapter? Eh, I don't know. So as it seems to me, this Jim is a detective and Martin... I am not very sure about this person, a friend of Jim perhaps and aldo the person who saw the dead body first. He seems to be a bit learnt about the woods and also does some work in the woods. Hmm... Interesting! I like how Jim appears to be a lot different from the other detectives. He seems to be heavily affected by the deaths whereas the other detectives take it as a very normal thing. Difference is always good.
Hmm... The case indeed presents some interesting features. I would very much like to investigate it. That mark and the ritual. To me, at least, it seems like this ritual is not really a religious one but something which is connected to something mysterious. Some organization, maybe? Possible. Finally, the claw marks. Well, I actually wonder if that is an animal. Maybe it is a human pretending to be an animal. We will see though.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever