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Song of Stars

by FourLeafClover


Verse 1:

I feel overwhelmed by the stars

You shine extra bright, blinding me

The stars take over my brain, distracting me

But I can’t afford these starry distractions

I got too much on my mind, and you take up too much space

So please dim the stars, please dim the stars

Pre Chorus:

You’re scared of me, but you still come over

It’s confusing, and what you do don’t help

Because the stars keep destroying my brain

Chorus:

This is a song of stars, confusing stars

Your dark eyes stare into mine

The stars keep crashing through my mind

And I can’t shut ‘em out, despite how hard I try

You pry deeper, deeper, deeper

With your questions, questions, questions

I want to trust you, trust you, trust you, but the stars still confuse me too much

Verse 2:

I ain’t good with love, and you make it worse

My sanity? Gone, thanks a lot

Barely had any before, but you ruined what was left

You’re ruining my life, please leave me alone

Except that I can’t seem to let you go

And I doubt you care ‘bout me, so why do I feel this way?

Pre Chorus:

You’re scared of me, but you still come over

It’s confusing, and what you do don’t help

Because the stars keep destroying my brain

Chorus:

This is a song of stars, confusing stars

Your dark eyes stare into mine

The stars keep crashing through my mind

And I can’t shut ‘em out, despite how hard I try

You pry deeper, deeper, deeper

With your questions, questions, questions

I want to trust you, trust you, trust you, but the stars still confuse me too much

Verse 3:

You wonder why I'm so violent, and you actually seem to care why

But I’m always on guard, and I don’t know if I can tell you

About why my defenses are up and why I always fight

I always have my reasons, and in this case they’re not good

But for some reason, I wanna tell you

Yet I know that I can’t

Bridge:

I doubt you like me, like me, like me

And if you do, then I can’t tell

Because I’m just too confused

And I’m more of a black hole, not an entire galaxy

Like you

Pre Chorus:

You’re scared of me, but you still come over

It’s confusing, and what you do don’t help

Because the stars keep destroying my brain

Chorus:

This is a song of stars, confusing stars

Your dark eyes stare into mine

The stars keep crashing through my mind

And I can’t shut ‘em out, despite how hard I try

You pry deeper, deeper, deeper

With your questions, questions, questions

I want to trust you, trust you, trust you, but the stars still confuse me too much


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323 Reviews


Points: 25
Reviews: 323

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Mon Jun 07, 2021 12:41 am
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! I hope you are having a good day or night, depending on whenever you are reading this!
First things, the figurative language used in this piece was fantastic! The line where the speaker likened themselves to a black hole really stood out to me. It reflects on how the speaker feels of themselves, perhaps their doubt and fear over whether they deserved the other person.
I did, however, feel that perhaps you could work on your rhythm a tad bit. A few lines here and there threw me off here and there, and took me out of the song.
But other than that, this poem was great! You did an awesome job, and I hope to see more works from you in the future! Keep on writing! :D






Thanks for the review!
Yeah, you're right, I need to work on the rhythm.
Thank you, and I hope you have a great rest of your day!



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147 Reviews


Points: 8395
Reviews: 147

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Thu Jun 03, 2021 2:41 pm
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there, FourLeafClover!

This song made me feel the speaker’s intense disorientation. I thought the voice came across as conversational – I could easily imagine this being sung to acoustics with a solo singer. The things that stood out to me the most was the repetition and the star imagery.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

From what I gather, the song is about the speaker’s feelings towards their crush. There’s the sense of uncertainty and fear of uncertainty, I think, especially in the following lines.

But I can’t afford these starry distractions
I got too much on my mind, and you take up too much space
So please dim the stars, please dim the stars


The speaker also describes these feelings as “confusing”, which is what leads me to think they’re afraid, almost.

By the end of the song, it seems the speaker ‘loses’ the fight trying to let themselves trust in this other person, but through the song they explore why they feel this way towards them in a way that seems rumination-like, like they’re asking themselves the same thing repeatedly, which is reflected in the structure of the song.

Language and Imagery

I noticed that the addressee is contrasted with the speaker using brightness. The addressee of the song is an “entire galaxy” of stars, and in the beginning the speaker asks them to “dim the stars”. The “dim the stars” line was actually one of my favourites – I just like the idea of describing the stars like electric lamps and also the repetition of “please” particularly works there, because it gives the impression of begging (making the emotions seem all the more intense!).

Although most of the lyrics are written in direct, straightforward language (which I think is mostly par for the course for this type of song), the star/ cosmic motif seems quite present throughout. I read the following as a subtle reference to that “galaxy” metaphor:

Your dark eyes stare into mine


Structure and Sound

In the chorus, there are some bits of rhyme and assonance I thought made it pleasing to say aloud. The partial rhyme here, for instance:

Your dark eyes stare into mine
The stars keep crashing through my mind


At first I thought ‘no matter how hard I try’ seemed more natural here, but combined with the line after that, the “despite” actually creates a nice repetition of the [d] sound.

And I can’t shut ‘em out, despite how hard I try
You pry deeper, deeper, deeper


As I said earlier, the repetition is a key feature I noticed in these lyrics. For instance, the words “stars” And “distract” are reused rather than rephrased from the first line below to the second line.

The stars take over my brain, distracting me
But I can’t afford these starry distractions


This reads like a tautology of sorts to me, as if to emphasise how the speaker is thinking over the same problems and feeling the same feelings over and over again.
The same technique seems to appear in:

Barely had any before, but you ruined what was left
You’re ruining my life, please leave me alone


“ruin” as a root word is used twice without trying to rephrase it.

Besides this, the repetition of (b) in “Because the stars keep destroying my brain” is really neat. It sounds especially nice to me because this refrain is repeated in the last line of the ‘stanzas’ that it appears in, and the (b) sounds are located at the beginning and end of the line, so it has this sense of finality.

That's all

Feel free to ask anything, if some of what I rambled doesn’t seem to make sense. Hopefully you found these comments helpful - and keep writing!

Cheers,
-Lim






Thanks for the review!
Yeah, you're right about the whole mood thingy. I'm glad that it worked out!
And you're also right about the "ruin" thing, I should go in and change that.
Thanks!




Age was respected among his people, but achievement was revered. As the elders said, if a child washed his hands he could eat with kings.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart