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138,082 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey! This is a strong poem. Reading it reminded me of quite a few words that I haven't used for a very long time. Many times, when people write pieces using words that are more uncommon than others, the poem ends up being dominated by the word, rather than the word meshing with and contributing to the rest of the piece. I saw none of that here. I felt that you had full control of the words that you used, and it came off feeling effortless, not overworked.
My favorite part of the poem was the following:
And also have a pity,
For those with burdens trite,
Know that they are wimpy,
Because they’ve never had a fight.
How true is this. I'd rather have more bad things happen to me in this life, and come out stronger in the end, than have an easy, laid-back life, experience nothing, and never grow.
Thumbs up! I look forward to reading more from you!
Good form here. When attempting to stick to a rhyme scheme, I often run into points where some of my rhyming words feel a bit forced, but I can't find a spot here where it seems a word has been jammed in just to make the meter agree. This is as good a mantra as it is a poem--I must remind myself of my great fortune and the triviality of my gripes on a daily basis. Though chastising, I don't feel like the message singles out any particular individual or category of people. The vain, it does point out, but the overall theme of denouncing petty complaint covers us all. Keep writing.
I really liked this a lot. Even though it is humorous I still found truth within the words. I have felt all the emotions mentioned in this and I think it's great that someone has pointed them all out in one poem. Unlike others, who post multiple poems of multiple emotions, it was great to have them all in one. Overall, I didn't see any errors or mistakes though I read it three times, as I do with every poem. So, great job and I look forward to reading more!(:
~Faith(: