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138,082 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hi. It's kind of late for me and I have to get up stupid early tomorrow, so I'm not one hundred percent that you'll come out of this review with something useful.
Anyways...
First off, how did you come to think of marriage? Neat inspiration though.
I'm actually an english major at my college and poems make me want to stab my eye with a pencil...you think I'm kidding.
However, I admire your rhythm here. You follow the pattern well.
You're style reminds me of Emily Dickinson. I don't know if you'll take that as a compliment or not but I enjoy reading her poems. You have to read them four or five...or ten times to even begin to understand what she is really trying to say. Yes it is frustrating but to be that deep without trying too hard is ... for the lack of a better word ... cool.
Again, so sorry I can't be helpful. I like your style. Keep it up
--Jayleigh
This was sweet. I can relate to your inspiration; I find myself wondering that same thing at times.
I did have a few critiques for this, the biggest of them being simply your rhythm and rhyme. A few of your rhymes seemed just a tad forced, causing the flow to slip and the smoothness to hiccup. These are the ones I found:
I think in this one it is simply the implied pause you've used. It's not necessary.
Too many syllables, it just interrupts the poem. Try rephrasing, or even doing something as drastic as changing the rhyme so you have a better rhythm for this.
Again with the too many syllables. This one should be easier to fix, though, since you should be able to get away with simply removing the "they".
As for the last stanza, I thought that it should be left completely alone. I found nothing wrong with it, It should not be disturbed as your word choice and absolutely perfect rhythm applied create a work of art in itself.
Amazing poem, lightearted and easy. It was sweet. It takes a new turn on the typical love poem by instead of describing a person who exists but inventing the ideal person to be with. Great job!