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Act 1(The badminton field)

by ForeverYoung299


Setting: in a badminton field

Bumdar

Uncle! You are taller than me. You should take that cock down. How can I do that? You were the one to hit it so high.(cries)

Fued

Jump jump! Jump like a kangaroo... You can do it. Hold one hand in the air and the other in the tree.

Bumdar

Uncle!! You have become mad! Now, what will I do? You are comparing me to a kangaroo! And hand in the air?!

Xorna

He is ought to intitiate in kindergarten.Bumdar, go and study. (puts back her had into a huge book)

Bumdar

Uncle, see, what Aunt is telling! I don't want to study!!

Fued

Wait(throws the bat in direction of Xorna and it rebounces due to that huge book)

Bumder

Uncle!! Look behind! The dog is barking at you! I am sure it will bite you!

Fued

Dog! Get out! It's not your place! Wasn't dogs disallowed here(looks around and finds no other dog) Yes. I am right. Can't dogs see that they aren't allowed here? These shameless creatures!(starts running as the dog was chasing him)

Bumder

Uncle! Stop it! Dogs can't read! Aunty, please save uncle from that dog. Please aunty.

Xorna

I can't save any sinner. He should not have called that dog a shameless creature! Aren't they living beings? Don't they have feelings?

Bumder

It's not the time for blaming him. Save him first, then you will give your lectures. Uncle, run fast and enter some nearby house and close the door! Fast uncle fast!

Fued

Tell your aunt that she doesn't care for human beings also! Shameful! Dog, you the shameless creature! I will make you a cat! Then you will see.(runs towards a house)


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5 Reviews


Points: 287
Reviews: 5

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Fri Apr 23, 2021 12:40 am
TheMythMaster wrote a review...



Ok right from the first few lines I can tell this is going to be funny, well done on that writing comedy can be hard. (or maybe that's just me)
you did a good job of giving a rough explanation of who we're dealing with, it seems we have an Uncle: Fued, an Auntie who may be a bookworm: Xorna, and their nephew: Bumder, (by the way good names).

there were some grammatical errors but I think @MailicedeNamedy covered them in her review.

So in the first line, we have Bumber saying
Bumdar

Uncle! You are taller than me. You should take that cock down. How can I do that? You were the one to hit it so high. (cries)

Right so at the beginning of the first sentence, he says "How can I do that?" do what? this was never explained and it confused me a bit.

And then his uncle tells him to
"Jump jump! Jump like a kangaroo... You can do it. Hold one hand in the air and the other in the tree.

What tree? I thought they were on a badminton court? I don't want to offend you (maybe this is something to do with badminton) but I found this confusing.

Other than that the overall Act was well done, Funny, and gave the audience a good idea of who and what the characters were like.




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Fri Apr 16, 2021 9:05 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi ForeverYoung299,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I love reading scripts and plays and what caught my eye right away was the structure of putting the names in bold and necessary comments to understand the plot in brackets. This makes it look organised and clear.
As for the story, I found it funny, even if I thought that sometimes the joke seemed a bit too artificial. But for a quick laugh or grin, I thought it was good.

You should take that cock down.


Here I would change two things; first change "cock" to "shuttlecock" and the sentence structure. Because I think you meant to write "You could have taken the shuttlecock down." (That's how I see the sentence in the text.)
I'm also a bit confused about the second half of Bumdar, because I think the last two sentences shouldn't be said by him, or am I misunderstanding something?

(puts back her had into a huge book)


It should say "head" instead of "had".

Wasn't dogs disallowed here


I know what you were going to write here, but I think it should be "Aren't dogs forbidden to enter here?" or something similar.
This is where I got a bit confused as well, as you put in brackets with Fued that there is no other dog to be seen, yet there is one chasing him. Since I first assumed that Bumdar was joking when he said there was a dog, and it doesn't come up again until Fued runs away, you could have briefly added that there really is a dog there.

What I find a pity is how the story ends. Especially there I would have liked you to expand a bit on whether Fued escaped from the dog or came back with a big hole in his trousers. :D But on the other hand, it's a good ending for the first act when Fued runs off the stage like that. :D

What I noticed is that Bumdar is spelled as Bumder in the second half and assume this is a typo.

Something else that could be added is where Xorna is now exactly. Since I assume it's a badminton court somewhere in a city centre that's fenced off, she should be sitting somewhere on the side when she reads. Because that's where I assumed they were playing doubles at the beginning.

I think apart from a few small corrections, I wouldn't change much there. Since it's only the first act, I can't give an opinion on how the story works yet, because I don't know how you'll incorporate the humour in the coming acts - does it build on the jokes from act one or are there new ones?

Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.





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