Young Writers Society

First off, the rhythm is flawed. There is not much depth in the lyrics. In fact it is pretty plain. The lines have very less connection with each other. And I'd appreciate if you cut down on the *** (slangs). And honestly, you need to do a LOT of tweaking. These stanzas didn't make much sense to me:
I want to see you again,my handsome devil
And I am your little mermaid
Oh baby, how sad...
You don't like my fakeness

Old fashioned vanilla
Don't you think that karma is playing with me?
They always say "Don't be shy,little girl"
But I am still trying to murder myself

No class just ****
Can I be your pretty baby?
Take me to the New York city
The Palms motel

But over all good attempt.

Hey.. SecreteJournalist here for a review! It's not everyday I review a song, so I am rather excited to come across a song such as this(: I should probably say this as well, I am SecreteJournalist... but do feel free to call me Brie if you please!

A comment before I start the review, I do love the photo, and it seems to go along perfectly with the song! But anyways, enough with my rambling and onto the review!

The easiest way for me to review this is through concept, so I am gonna go basically 'stanza' by 'stanza' of the song.

Satan's school for girls

White short dress and false eyelashes
Bubblegum ice cream and Coney Island
Oh say that, honey!

These first few lines made me excited to see and read the rest. The only thing is, if we are referring to Satan, wouldn't a white dress be.. a different concept I suppose, unless maybe you were trying to go for a different concept.

No class just ****
Can I be your pretty baby?
Take me to the New York city
Motels,hotels,anywhere

The title is Satan's daughter, yet this is referring to love. If satan is in love and has been sexually active with his daughter, it would be rather bittersweet and strange to the title

I want to see you again,my handsome devil
And I am your little mermaid
Oh baby, how sad...
You don't like my fakeness

You may want to add a line devoted just to how this girl is his 'little mermaid' and explain more on the fakeness.

Old fashioned vanilla
Don't you think that karma is playing with me?
They always say "Don't be shy,little girl"
But I am still trying to murder myself

These last two lines of this stanza confuse me immensely. You mention a school for girls, so why would girls her age call her little? And then murder? The concept is rather out of place and off

No class just ****
Can I be your pretty baby?
Take me to the New York city
The Palms motel

This line, I don't understand why you devoted the last line and changed it. The palms hotel is rather pacific from an earlier line.

All I want to do is to love you
All I want to do is to love you
Do you love me?

This is good.

He said "Yes, baby, I do"


I like this last line.

The only main issue I find is concept. Listening to this song, I would be struck confused. Maybe helping out with the concept will improve it. I like the overall idea of Satans daughter and an all girls school. Keep writing songs like this, they are pulling in my interest!

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie