Quietus, Chapter Three

[Been over two months, but here's chapter three! Chapter One, Chapter Two]

CHAPTER THREE

The Raven

The group resumed their normal roles and continued on down a long, narrow hallway. The hallway had no doors or windows; the only light was coming from sconces that would periodically appear on the walls. The sconces emitted less light than the windows, casting gloomy and elongated shadows along the walls. The floor was weak in many places, causing a constant creaking noise, which didn’t fare well for Lisa’s voice, or anyone’s hearing.

Eventually, the hallway opened up, until they found themselves in a wide open space in the house. The floor seemed to stretch for miles, with no end in sight in any direction. David looked back, and in a shaky voice, said, “Uh, guys?”

Everyone turned around. The hallway they had just traveled through no longer existed. In its place was a thick, concrete wall. No evidence of the hallway existed: no secret panels, no cracks in the wall, nothing.

“Maybe this was a mistake,” said Brian. “Maybe we should’ve trusted our instincts and not gone in. This isn’t cool anymore. I want out.”

Everyone looked at Brian. Being in peak physical condition, Brian was the poster boy for everything manly: he played football in the fall, basketball in the winter, and baseball in the spring. Anyone who looked at him felt courage and arrogance radiate from him. Yet here he was, scared as much as Lisa, wanting to go back.

“If Brian’s scared, then this must be insane,” Ted said. “What are we doing here, anyway? None of this makes any sense.”

A slow realization came over Lisa. “What if we die here?” she said. “There’s no way to recover our bodies if we have to defeat the house to escape. Oh my God, we’re going to die here. Oh my God, I’m going to die in this house, and there will be no way to get me out.” Lisa babbled, frantically incoherent, until Trina slapped her.

“Shut up!” she shouted. “We aren’t going to die. We can beat this god damn house. No one is going to die. Now… guys, where’s David?”

The sound of fading footsteps let the group know that David had run away from them. They followed the footsteps as best as they could, and came upon David, who was staring into an enormous glass case. Staring back at him was an enormous raven.

The raven’s jet black feathers glistened in what little light there was in the room. It stood around seven feet tall, with huge, razor-sharp talons on its toes. Its beak was a dull black, complimenting the luminescence of the feathers. Its eyes – a bright, brilliant blue – focused intently on David as he stood staring back at it. The raven flapped its enormous wings and let out a mighty CAWW! Everyone fell backwards at the power of its cry, which shook the floorboards and rattled the glass of its case. David stood motionless in front of the case. He slowly turned to the rest of the group.

“Can you see this thing?” he asked, as if the raven was were something in his imagination. “It’s huge! We could all fit on his back, and we could fly out of this building.”

The rest of the group was speechless. David turned back to the raven and waved at it. The raven tilted its head and turned away from David back toward its water dish. David continued to stare at the sight, and then turned to the plaque that was standing in front of the case:

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted - nevermore!

-- Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven

Ted came up behind David and read the plaque. He looked back at the raven, which had taken its drink and was focusing back and forth from him to David.

“Yeah,” he said, “his eyes are definitely beautiful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a brilliant blue before. It’s absolutely beautiful.”

The raven hopped around its case, flapping its wings and cawing every so often. David, entranced by the beauty and elegance of the raven, walked closer to get a better look. As he got closer, the raven’s eyes changed from its brilliant blue hue to a deep crimson color, until, when David got up close to the glass, its eyes were a bright, fiery red.

“David, get back here!” shouted Isaiah. David turned back, then fell to the floor as the raven let out an ear splitting screech and began attacking the glass. Its shrieks and screams made David freeze. It scratched, clawed, and pecked at the glass. David stared at the bright red hue of the raven’s eye. He didn’t feel Brian run up to him and drag him back to the group. As Brian threw David toward Trina’s feet, the raven’s eye suddenly turned from red back to its brilliant blue color it had before.

Ted, who had been standing next to the plaque, glanced from the raven to David, then to the floor in front of the plaque.

“Hey, come look at this,” he said.

Everyone walked over to the plaque, leaving David lying on the floor to recover. Behind the plaque was a bold red line about twenty feet away from the case, where a now docile raven had settled into a sitting position.

“I think this is some sort of boundary,” said Ted. “I’m not sure though. Someone is going to have to test it.”

Everyone looked to Brian, who took a deep breath, and crept past the line. The raven, which had been facing away from the glass, whipped its head so it could see the line, the brilliant blue eyes slowly changing to a dark purple hue. As Brian crept closer to the cage, the raven’s eye turned a more brilliant shade of red, until Brian was two feet away from the glass. Nervously, Brian reached out and touched the glass.

The raven suddenly hopped up and began pecking at his hand. Brian let out a high-pitched shriek. He turned and sprinted back to the group, and as soon as he passed the red line, the raven immediately calmed down, its bright red eyes changing instantaneously back to its normal, brilliant blue color. Out of breath, Brian turned back to the case, where the raven stared back as if nothing had happened.

“Did you fucking see that?” Brian asked. “That bastard damn near killed me! Holy shit, I thought he was going to peck through that fucking glass!”

Ted looked at where Brian had placed his hand, and saw that the intense pecking from the raven had cracked the glass. If Brian had not run away when he did, the raven would surely have gotten a hold of his hand. Ted glanced back to Brian, as pale as a corpse and cursing up a storm. David, who was still lying on the ground where they had left him, looked back from the raven to the rest of the group. Slowly, he crawled toward the group, faintly picking up Ted’s voice:

“… it must be some sort of boundary, meant to keep us back. If we pass it, the raven will attack us. I don’t think there would be anymore of these lines anywhere, so I think we’re safe with this one. Just don’t cross the line, and we’ll be good. How’re you feeling, Dave?”

David was still shocked, but he nodded his head, as if to say he was fine. He then curled into a ball, and fell asleep in front of the red line. Ted and Isaiah pulled him away from the line, in case he rolled over while asleep. Brian was next to fall asleep, his brave persona obliterated by the events that had just occurred. Trina, who had been stroking David’s hair as he slept, let out a giant yawn, which was quickly passed to Lisa, then Ted, then finally Isaiah. Trina lay down next to David, and slowly drifted off to sleep. Lisa, who had been scared out of her mind the whole trip, soon followed suit. Ted looked from Lisa to Isaiah, shrugged, and lay down next to Brian to try to rest. Isaiah looked at his friends, sleeping uncomfortably, yet oddly peaceful. Isaiah was far from tired, but he decided to try to nap, as well. It was no use staying up when the only thing there was to do was to have a staring contest with the raven. He laid his head on the cold wooden floor, and was instantly out.

The raven stood up close to the glass of the case, staring at the sleeping creatures in front of it. It flapped its wings one last time, let out a tired caw, then nuzzled its beak into its wing, and fell asleep.

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I still looove your story Fleeeeeeeem!! ^.^

alright, here's what I have to say about it, though:
I think you have to get the entire group more involved with what's going on. You've given them all their own little blurbs in the first chapter, and now you have to start making their personalities shine through their actions. You tell us a little bit of what they're doing, but you should show us a bit more.

David's a curious little fellow, isn't he? I know you have him wandering away from the group, but what is he doing while you're describing the house? Is he running his fingers over the wall? Is he staring up at the ceiling while he's walking? Does he trip anyone by 'accident'?

Either way, you should get more actions into this chapter. It's got plenty of descriptions of you telling us what the place looks like, but you should show us a bit more, though what the characters are doing.

On last thing, I think you got your point across that the raven's eyes are a very pretty blue XD

Post chapter four now!!!

--meow ^.^



are we even writers if we never did huge research and used none of it?
— Kay (NovemberCrow)