The cold water washed over the sun baked sand as a mound of sleeping scales sat on the beach, soaking in the warm sun. The sound of the lapping waves against the sound of the forest on the edge of the beach was the perfect setting. Spreading out their wings the dragon stretched out into the sun still asleep.
Grimbell had turned three the previous day. He was old enough to finally participate in the arena. He knew that he could beat them all. He knew that he was destined to lead the water tribe like his father before him. If only people liked him and weren't indifferent to him.
A disapproving groan could be heard from above Grimbell, "Don't you think you have better things to do then to bake in the sun? Honestly, how are you going to lead the tribe?" The sound of sand shifting could be heard near his head.
Grimbell flapped his wings and splashed sea water onto the dragon approaching.
"Grimbell? Is that an attempt to make me less angry at you?" The older dragon askes arching an eye crest.
"My lord he is just a boy." Another dragon spoke walking out of the water.
"Why would you care?"
Letting out a sigh he began to talk. "Because you will join the arena this year, and, I just want you to use your head. You need to train with your instructor if you want to have any hope at winning." He says placing a wing on his back.
"Okay, if you say so."
"Come we should be heading back to the kingdom young Lord," The battle scared dragon spoke, "There will be many more days to be out in the sun."
Grimbell moaned and took off towards the training grounds.
The two older dragons followed him, close on he's tail casting glances at one another.
"My lord?"
"Yes Raygal."
"Are you sure your son is ready?" Raygal asked.
Letting out a sigh the other dragon only looks on. "Time will tell."
Grimbell was hovering over the many target dummies on the field. He closed his eyes and dark tendrils that looked hollow wrapped around the dummies. He then opened his eyes. As soon as he did so, the hollow of the tendrils filled with water and the dummies were all crushed in an instant due to the pressure.
Grimbell roared really loud and it sound terrifying.
"Very nice young Lord!" Raygal praised, his green eyes looking down at what Grimbell had just done.
"Yes, very good, but you need to have a better plan in mind if you want to beat dragons with the same power." Gliding down to the ground in one smooth movement Riptide looked at the damage.
Grimbell smiled. "RAYGAL! I CHALLENGE YOU! FIGHT WITH ME!"
"Why young Lord I would be honored to have a duel with you, it has been a while has it not?" Raygal swooped down to the ground.
Stepping aside Riptide only frowns at his finest general.
"Haha. Bring it on Raygal!" He roared as his claws grew longer and sharper. His eyes glowed blue and his face turned serious.
Riptide stepped forward, "As much as I would love to see how much you have grown with your water powers Grimbell, but I wish to see how well you’re fighting is without it." His piercing blue eyes looked over at Grimbell.
"My lord let him have fun, so that I might have a little fun with him." Raygal grinned in an evil manner.
"Very well." Riptide sighs and walked off to the sidelines.
Grimbell disappeared and reappeared behind Raygal's back slashing at it.
Opening his wings Raygal thrust into the air in the nick of time whipping his tail out at Grimbell's face as he did. "Very good, but you’re a bit too eager, it makes your moves sloppy."
Grimbell disappeared before he could do anything. He appeared directly below him. He held Raygal's legs and begin to spin him around.
Raygal spat out boiling water at Gimbell's face hooking his claws into his talons, while opening his wings to stop the spinning.
Grimbell disappeared again. This time, he was nowhere to be seen. The field was filled with silence.
Raygal hovered in the air his eyes scanning around him, he didn't make a sound as he was ready to attack at any moment.
Something flew right behind him.
Raygal twisted around to see what was coming his mouth ready to fire the boiling water.
His back met with a heavy blow. Grimbell had kicked him with high developed momentum and concentrated pressure. He disappeared again before Raygal could look.
Raygal lost his momentum for a moment before flapping his wings a few times, letting the water in his mouth come out as steam feeling the air in a thick fog.
Grimbell was already under him. He grabbed Raygal's legs and hurled him at the ground and kicked him in the chest and disappeared.
Shaking himself off, once Raygal had gotten to his feet he looked around for GrimBell.
"I think I have seen enough." Riptide hissed out, "GrimBell!" He roared.
"Yes?” He said, instantly reappearing.
"Grimbell you can't keep using that attack, if Raygal was young you would have been dead a long time ago, I've been watching you and if you use that in the arena the other dragonets will pick up on it very quickly." He growled.
Raygal walked over to the two. "My lord he's just a child, don't be so hard on him."
"But Raygal can train me before then. It won't be the only thing I do." Grimbell protested.
Riptide glared down at him, "Well I wait to see that."
"Yeah you can wait all your life and watch me do things better than you ever did and you'll still say those same six words."
"Grimbell I am doing this for your own good!!" He growls his clear blue eyes turning into fine slits. "My time as a young dragon was full of hard ships and loss, I'm only looking out for you!" He snorts out steam.
"And why must I follow your path? I want to shape my own destiny! If mother were still here, at least she'd look at me and tell me that I have grown. You just insist on making me feel like an incompetent beast that can't even be tamed by a man. You may call it humility but I don't need humility. I don't claim to be the most powerful dragon do I? I aim to be that. But your attitude doesn't help one bit. Your life as a young dragon? To hell with it. You didn't even let me rest when Mother died. Instead, you made me work more and more till I couldn't even fly."
"DON'T BRING YOUR MOTHER INTO THIS!!" Riptide snarls, sparks lighting around his mouth, "I work you to the bone because..." he stopped and turns away from Grimbell, "Because each time I look at you I see your mother," He sat down wrapping his tail around his talons. "And I don't want you to get hurt like she did, I loved your mother dearly, and your my only child, it would only kill me to see you die the way she did."
"I will kill Azrael myself. HE IS NO GOD TO ME. I will avenge her and Feia. I will surpass you one day. You don't have to be hard on me like this!"
Getting to his feet Riptide walked over to Grimbell and gave him a small lick on the head. "I know you will, it’s only normal for me to worry."
"My lord, maybe it’s time?" Raygal said looking at Grimbell than to Riptide.
"For what Raygal?"
"Your father will tell you, young Lord," Raygal stepped back.
Grimbell looked up at his father in wonder.
Riptide sighs flicking his tail. "Yes, I do always tell you to do better...but I have seen how much you have grown into a fine young dragon, and I am very proud, that is why I have kept a quest just for you when the time is right."
Raygal could only grin from behind him.
"It is up to you if you will do it, but the Sky kingdom has agreed to help kill off Azrael, and you need to go up there and pick a young dragon of your own choice to join the battle, you can bring more than one, they will explain further then you get there." Riptide explained. "This is the time for you to prove yourself instead of an arena."
"But Father don't you think I could find a potential ally in the arena. I mean the most skilled dragonets come there."
Riptide shakes his head. "The Sky Kingdom doesn't send their finest dragons to the arena, instead they keep them in the kingdom to guard and train young dragonets." Riptide chuckles. "But you can try out the arena and see if you can find a potential ally if you wish."
"Really?" Grimbell seemed excited.
Riptide nods. "Really."
Raygal laughs flicking sand up with his tail.
End of chapter
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Hello there @Gravitem and @FlamingPhoenix!


Hope you're both doing well today. I'm here to review you piece and nudge it out of the Green Room. Let's get started, shall we?
I like the plot of this story. I'm getting what Grimbell is up to. He wants to be a great dragon and avenge his mother's death and kill Azrael (excuse me if I spell any name wrong). Later in the story though, Grimbell seems a bit annoyed about this whole thing, which I found very odd because wasn't he just hyped about this whole thing moments ago?
Anyways, the rest of the characters are super great! Riptide and Raygal - great dragons, it seems. And poor Riptide is so sensitive when it comes to his wife. Poor thing. <3 I wonder how she died and why she was killed. Hm... I'm loving all these questions that are popping into my head!!
Alright, one thing I noticed when I was reading this was that there wasn't much description of what the arena looked like or what the other dragons looked like. That made me wonder whether or not there were other dragons in the arena. When I think of an arena, I think of a bunch of other beings watching. And if there were people watching, then I wonder why Grimbell would yell at his father like that? Especially since he's a Lord.
Onto the nitpicks -
*asks
*his
*you're
There was more errors - just minor ones, I add - but I'm sure if you read through it together, you guys can figure it out yourselves! I hope this review helped. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever!
Keep on writing and Happy Review Day!
~Liberty
Thanks for the review Lib!
Now onto the arena, Riptide, Raygal and Grimbell were the only dragons there, they were training for the up coming fight with the other tribes. Hope that explains a few things.
Yup!
Hey there, this was an awesome story! Raygal, Riptide, and Grimbell are all distinct and super interesting. On that note, I felt that the language got a little elementary school-ish at some points. For example, "Grimbell roared really loud and it sound terrifying." (for one thing, it sounded terrifying, not sound.) Using the word 'really' as a way to enhance 'loud' makes it sound very childish, which was jarring, as most of this was fairly well-written.
Another note would be the grammar. Gnomish already pointed this out, so I'll just suggest how to remedy it. Try (a) reading it out loud to yourself. If you find it difficult to read the sentence properly, there's most likely a grammatical issue. (b) Have someone else read it (in real life), most people will be quick to point out errors like missing commas if you ask them to, which is really helpful.
Third, Grimbell's characterization seemed to flop all over the place. First he was determined, and ready to fight, but when the other dragons showed up to have him train, he was like 'ugh, fine, but only because you're making me', which felt a little weird.
Lastly, I just wanted to say that you've got a good story going here, and I'm excited to read the next chapter!
Thanks for the review, I'll keep it in mind.
Hey there!
Let's jump right into the review, shall we?
I would put a comma after wings.
I'm not sure whether you meant it to be, but this paragraph seems pretty choppy. I would join it by saying Grimbell had turned three the previous day, meaning he was finally old enough to participate in the arena. He knew that he could beat them all, and he knew that he was destined to lead the water tribe like his father before him. or Grimbell had turned three the previous day. He was finally old enough to participate in the arena, and he knew that he could beat them all. He also knew that he was destined to lead the water tribe like his father before him.
First of all, a typo here, askes is spelled asks, and I think that there should be a comma before "arching".
I think you should specify which "he" is talking. It seems like the first older dragon says "why would you care", which then makes things confusing in the next paragraph. Also, if the battle scared (scarred) dragon is the one who came out of the water you should specify that so that you can use it to identify him. ie. "Letting out a sigh the scarred dragon began to talk..." The same thing goes for "he says, placing a wing on his back" instead of his I think it would make things clearer if you say Grimbell's.
I think it would sound more elegant if you wrote "Grimbell let loose a terrifying roar that could be heard a mile away," or something like that. (Not necessarily exactly that, but something along the lines of it.)
I would replace it with him.
I know this is very long, and mostly just filled with grammar and spelling things, but I don't see anything wrong with the plot or characters. I find the three unique characters of Grimbell, Raygal, and Riptide are really interesting, with Grimbell as the confident, young one, Riptide, the strict and cold father, and Raygal, the father's general who humours Grimbell. (Also, I noticed near the end you started to capitalize the B in Grimbell).
-Gnomish
Thanks for the review!