Anna and I had set off again when we discovered a hallway full of doors, cabins no doubt. We came upon a smoking room next, jolly men sitting in chairs, smoke curling about them like serpents as they puffed. We still had much to explore when we came upon the dining room.
The tantalizing smell of warm, delectable food snuck out from under the doors. I had been so excited, I had paid no heed to my complaining stomach. Now, it's rolling was unbearable. Luckily, we had not missed dinner. Also, fortunately, we had happened to come to the dining room that held my parents.
Reluctantly, we bid each other farewell and see-you-soons. Anna turned and went to find her parents, wherever they were. The smell of the food, the hearty laughter and boisterous conversations all made for a comfortable atmosphere as I turned my attention inside. What I saw was my mother and father sitting at a table, two empty spots next to them. It was obvious that they were reserved for me and my brother, for every other seat was filled. Charles was absent, so he must be off still.
I came up and threw myself into the seat next to father, making my presence known. The pair ceased their conversation with a heavyset man adorned with a curled mustache and turned to me. The man smoothly turned and picked up conversation with the young couple next to him.
"So, you have returned! What did you find on your explorations," said Father. "Anything worth the money we paid?"
"Oh! Father, it was wonderful! They have a beautiful library! So many books, so many sights!" I exclaimed, gushing. I talked faster and faster with my growing excitement. I gave the details of the library, only momentarily mentioning the other sights I saw, and not acknowledging the book still tucked away in my bag.
"Did you see your room yet, Helen? They're quite nice," said Mother.
"Not yet. Have our things been delivered to our rooms yet?" I asked her in response.
"Yes, both ours, yours and your brother's have been delivered to their respective rooms."
It was then that our chat was interrupted by the presence of a waiter. He stopped behind us and delivered a plate of steaming food to Mother and Father. It was then he spied me sitting next to them.
"Good evening, miss. Would you like me to bring you a drink?"
"Water, please, thank you," I replied quickly. The waiters must be very efficient, to have asked my drink so soon after I appeared.
"I'll be right back." He set a gleaming menu in front of me and headed off to the kitchens. I picked up the glossy menu and looked at the choices. Unfortunately, it seemed I had missed the first course, a salad. I had just chosen from the options on my menu when the waiter, dressed in a suit and a bow tie. He set my water the table and smiled.
"Would you like to order something?" As I responded with my order, other waiters were already spilling from the kitchen delivering the main course. As my waiter left, another replaced him and began to give out food to our table and the one next to us. I sipped my water, cold ice bumping my lip. I replaced my drink on the table and looked around. The dining hall was well lit, plain whites and deep browns colored the walls. The carpet maintained its red color from the hallway and I was tempted to lean down and brush my hand over it again after the fleeting touch I had earlier.
I turned my attention back to the table. My place was set with silverware wrapped in a cloth napkin, which I unfolded and spread across my lap. Mother and Father were talking with our neighboring family, another mother and father, as well as a young boy. As my eyes scanned once more for something more interesting, Charles walked in. More surprisingly, a girl about his age was clinging onto his arm. Charles was laughing at something she said as the girl let go of his arm and drifted to another table across the room. My brother watched her go, and after a moment, he saw me watching him. He began a bouncy walk over, grinning all the way.
"Who was that?" I asked him as he took his seat next to me. He still had a goofy grin on his face and his cheeks were slightly pink.
"Her? I just met her on the way here." He acted casual as he responded, but I could tell he was keeping me in suspense.
I decided to have some fun. "Why, Charles, is someone in love?" I teased, watching as his flushed face turned from a peach to a red.
"Alright, Helen, you got me. Her name is Samantha. She's second class too, obviously, and very nice. You'd love her."
I looked over to where Samantha went, but couldn't see her in the crowd. As I turned back, I found an arm in my face. The waiter had arrived while I was turned to deliver my meal, steaming and warm. I dug in as Charles ordered his meal. The food was delicious. I gulped bites of chicken and rice, lightly seasoned and cooked perfectly. All too soon I was finished and once again a waiter swooped over to take my plate and sliding a dessert menu in front of me. I chose a small dish of vanilla ice cream, which I savored as it melted sugary sweet on my tongue. For a finish to the meal, waiters brought out mugs of coffee for everyone who had already had dessert. I slipped out of my chair and headed for the door. I didn't like coffee, so I would go explore some more. The hallway was much less crowded, quieter now most people were eating. Those who didn't were probably in their rooms, too excited to eat or already finished. I decided as I ventured down another hallway it was time to relax. I set off in search of my rooms.
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hello and happy review day! Let's get this out of the green room
I haven't read the previous installments, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.
This is all very nice and interesting and the plot definitely moved forward with the introduction of this potential love interest. The one big thing that stood out to me was that the writing felt heavy. Now everyone has their own unique style to writing and I don't want to cramp your style or anything, but I felt like there was a lot of unnecessary detail here that took away from the main point of this chapter.
To me, the main point, or the thing that will continue to drive the plot forward was the introduction of this love interest (if that's not what you think the main point is, let me know). Obviously other things happen as well, but to me, that's what's most important here. But there is a lot more other stuff happening than that. Like we have to get to dinner, have a conversation, eat dinner, and then we get into the juicy stuff. I want to get to the juicy stuff sooner.
You have a lot of nice descriptions and you painted a nice picture for me, but I would simplify it a little in some places. I would have her get to dinner faster. The conversation with her father is okay, but the dinner could be shorter, too. The way the dinner portion reads right now, it sounds like she's never been out to dinner before, she just seems so in wonder and awe about the whole thing (and if that's true of her character, fine, but right now it seems like a little much). Then I want more of this conversation with Charles. I want to know more about Samantha and how they met and what's going on with them and I want it to be a bigger deal in this chapter. Otherwise, I think the chapter falls a little flat. Apply those great describing skills you have to that portion of this and simply the rest
I'll leave things there for now, but I would be happy to go back and talk about more specific things if you're interested! Please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!
cool, you decided to keep going on this. Lets review x_x
So last I remember, they were at a library reading, Helen wanted to read but Anna pushed her out, right? Now they left to further explore the ship, hm, alright.
So Helen and Anne quickly part ways, we get a relaxing description of the dinnertime atmosphere. Charles is curiously nowhere to be found, so now I'm wondering just where he's at x_x
I have a couple nitpicks here. First off, any particular reason you capitalized "father" in the last sentence but not in the first? Also, I find your choice to better describe the man when he's seemingly such a minor character is quite odd. Of course you can disregard this if he's planned to have an important place in the story, but I'd save description for the characters that will show up more than once.
So, storywise: The absentminded father doesn't notice Helen until she actually takes her seat. So far, not much has happened apart from they got on the ship, Helen quickly made friends with a girl named Anna who will probably reappear again, so let's keep going to see where this conversation goes.
Well uh, that's normally what a waitress does x_x This is a really charming passage. The excitement from Helen about the library is pretty adorable. This is like a little kid entering the diner of a palace.
Oh boy, Charles the stud x_x
This is a really conversation.
This paragraph made me hungry x_x
So, in this chapter, Helen stops exploring to eat dinner with her parents, then goes off to explore some more. And Charles gets a girlfriend. The dialogue in this chapter was really entertaining, I definitely enjoyed it. I loved the dinner scene, especially Helen's reaction to seeing Charles with Samantha. Hopefully in the next chapter, we'll meet her, there's definitely potential for a subplot of some sort. Good work on this, I enjoyed it and don't have much of anything to criticize.
Thanks a lot
I'll look at your suggestions and adjust 