Chapter Four
I slowly strolled along the hallways, my full stomach making me feel relaxed and tired. A short, friendly looking man was walking down the hallway, and as he passed I asked him the time. He paused and told me it was seven thirty. So much time has passed since we first boarded, and it felt like nothing now! I continued my path towards where I thought the cabins were, inspecting the people that passed by. Many were older couples, but there were also big groups, individuals, and younger couples.
I didn't know where is was going exactly, so I wasn't surprised when I realized I was back to where we first started. The golden gates loomed over me at the top of the stairs. Above, I could hear chatter and laughter of first class passengers. I turned away to go find the cabins when I heard a voice.
"Where are you going?" I turned sharply, surprised that there was someone there. A girl had appeared at the gate, long black hair like silk making a curtain over the left side of her face. I watched as she grabbed a section, twisting it and pinning it away out of her face.
"I'm going to my cabin. At least, I think I am," I said. She laughed, nodding. Her lavender dress swished as she moved.
"It's hard to get around here isn't it? I got lost too." She shrugged, motioning back to her hallway. "I don't think I'm anywhere near the deck. I want to go out and look at the stars, but it may be morning before I can get around!"
I laughed, and decided to climb the stairs to see her better. I stood in front of the gate, meeting the girl's hazel eyes.
"So, what's your name?" She asked me as I looked at the hallway behind her. It looked identical to ours.
"I'm Helen. Pleased to meet you." I did an exaggerated curtsy, almost falling off the step in the process. I caught myself on the railing, the girl looking at me with concern, but she recovered quickly. I steadied myself as she responded.
"I'm Kate, pleasure to meet you as well." Kate did a curtsy in return to mine, but she kept her balance, grinning as she rose. She turned to look behind her for a moment when she had straightened, and looked at me with a now pained expression.
"I should go. My parents will wonder where I am, and I don't even know myself. We should meet again tomorrow and talk some more. Seven o'clock?"
"Absolutely. I need to find my way to bed." To make my point, I yawned loudly.
"Goodbye, Helen," said Kate as she hurried down the hall, hand flapping behind her.
"See you tomorrow," I yelled back before turning and heading down the stairs. Back into the maze, it wasn't long until I found a map. Relieved and tired from my day, I headed to the hall where my cabin was. I walked slowly down the corridor, brass plates telling me which room was mine. B17, the room I'd be traveling in. The door was unlocked, but I found a key in the keyhole on the inside of the door. From the light that spilled from the hallway, I could see the gas lamp on the wall which I turned on as I closed the door.
The room was nice. Not as nice as some of the other voyages I had been on, but still luxurious. The stateroom was made for two, so there was a good sized bunk bed in a corner, one bed for Charles, one for me. Next to the bed was a large cabinet with drawers, a mirror and a washbasin for washing our faces. A pitcher to fill it with was hanging on a hook, with three more hooks by the door for coats. Grabbing the pitcher, I opened the little door that led to the bathroom. The bathroom had a toilet, sink and bathtub, standard layout. I turned on the water in the sink, happy to see the warm water bubble from the tap. I took the tin pitcher and filled it before returning to the room. I poured the water into the basin for later.
I looked around the room, noticing my luggage placed neatly in a corner behind a table and chairs that had a small flower arrangement in the center. I went to my trunk, undid the clasps and pulled out my nightgown, the one on the very top of one of my piles of clothes. I undressed and slipped the gown over my head, cool soft material sliding around me. I folded my dirty dress and placed it in a bare spot I had saved for that exact purpose. I put my bag down in my trunk as well, on top of my dirty garments.
As I went to the mirror I began to take out the pins in my hair and placing them on a small tray nearby. My hair fell down past my shoulders and I unpacked my hairbrush to remove the knots. Once my hair glinted in the light, I got a washcloth from a fresh pile of towels and cleaned my face. That done, I slipped into the bottom bunk. I notice a small place in the wall for storing small items, in which I put the precious locket I had gotten for my thirteenth birthday. I never left anywhere without it. Inside was a picture of my family on one side and a picture of the Eiffel Tower on the other.
I drew the small curtain across my bed for privacy and darkness and slipped under the crisp, stiff sheets. They were heavy and I was warmed quickly, guarded against cold night in my layers of blankets. As I rolled onto my side I sighed with comfort. I thought about the next day, meeting Anna and Kate, wandering around, reading at the library. While I thought, I was conscious of my limbs growing numb with sleep as I drifted off and was sent out to sea in a dream about the luxurious voyage ahead.
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Is this about the voyage of the Titanic? I like the idea of telling the story from the perspective of a young woman. About how old is Helen? By the way, I love the name 'Helen'. It's appropriately antiquated, while still being beautiful and applicable in modern times. Kate, though... I pictured a young woman from somewhere in Southeast Asia, based on the description of her hair. But that wouldn't exactly be historically correct, would it? Travelers on the Titanic were mostly from the UK and Europe, if I'm not mistaken.
How rich is this Helen? She has been on voyages before this one? Her father or husband or brother must be very wealthy, or must travel a lot on the company dime.
Here are some suggestions/corrections for your text:
Line 4: "the people who passed by."
Line 6: "where I was going", "where I first started"
Line 7: "the chatter and laughter of first-class passengers"
Line 11: "plucked a section"
Line 21: "I caught myself on the railing. The girl looked at me with concern; she recovered quickly."
Line 34: "From the light that spilled from the hallway, I could see the gaslamp on the wall. I turned it on as I closed the door."
Line 37: "good-sized"
Line 41: you don't need to write "for washing our faces". Wash basins, when paired with a pitcher, are only used for this purpose anyway.
The bathroom seems somewhat... too modern. Is this a large, opulent bathroom, befitting people of such wealth as Helen? If it's just a small, cramped, economy bathroom, then this is starting to sound like modern-day, mass-produced, middling quality appliances for the average 21st century person on a cruise. I advise researching the bathrooms on turn-of-the-century liner voyages (finding pictures, etc.), and being more specific/descriptive so that readers get a real feel for the time period, and so there isn't the ambiguity I'm detecting... or maybe that was your plan after all?
I will say this: you have communicated the excitement of ocean voyage on a ship very well. Your character's curiousity and desire to explore are very relate-able qualities.
Heya Firelight! After reading the previous chapters and prologue, I'm here to review this chapter!
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This has had a pretty slow start, but I think that the action will start soon. (Well, some would say it already has. I guess it would depend on ones opinion.) I'll be honest when I say I don't really remember much of what I've read, even though I've just read it. Really all that's stuck out to me was that Helen has stole a book and that Charles had a girlfriend. This could very easily be because I'm not a big fan of historical fiction though.
I love the description you've put into this. I've been able to picture every scene. The dinner scene even made me hungry, and I had just ate!
Overall, I'd say this is pretty good. I'm just not really the kind of person who reads things like this.
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Have a great day!
~Myth