a freshly thawed lemongrass field
tickles the calves of my legs.
the snow is gone and i discover
the green reaching the horizon in all directions.
i forgot where i entered
(is there even an entrance?)
i’ve been making trails of my footsteps
in the bush for a while
(was there ever a time
when i wasn’t in this grass ocean?)
dewy mornings brighten
as summer’s heat sings next door to may.
i’m the last thing in this field
that needs to defrost.
***
why are the nights still so dark?
why are the clouds overhead so cold?
i thought the sky is the only thing
that’s supposed to be blue.
but why am i, too?
***
the smile of my april hope
of june bringing healing
drops like birds on the fourth of july.
i’m small and alone
with the corpses of crows that kept me company in autumn
laying belly up.
i thought summer was the season of life.
i was born here.
why do i feel like i’m dying in it, too?
***
people used to worship the sun.
there is no altar in sight,
yet my neck is craned,
i’m on my knees,
and my palms ask:
“why have you forsaken me?
where is my hug
without you punishing my skin?
please!
cure me!”
***
the sun bore a hole in my chest
and made my eyes blind
in my supplications.
i wish she were nicer to me.
or i were nicer to me.
or i could find a way out of this nettle.
the grass is past my hips and up my throat
and the gnats have found my body.
oh, please, god, or sun, or whoever is out there,
please tell me what it is like to find shade under a tree.
to find relief in this bright, expansive void.
***
i sweat like my body is helping me cry.
my skin is red and craving something other than this.
all i can do anymore is lay in the green.
let it enfold me
and let my body wither from heat damage
so my bones can see the sunshine.
its my only way out of the weeded field
and summer’s disappointed eyes.
***
but in the death of heatstroke,
in the nausea of isolation,
no one thinks that maybe summer is sad too
that everyone thinks she’s a healer
when she’s just a season.
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139,399 Literary Works • 672,549 Reviews
Hi FireEyes! Bear with me while I attempt to review for the first time in quite a while...
The language throughout this really is what drew me in, and I think what ultimately kept me entranced is the ongoing metaphor of the sun in connection to the speaker and their body. I love anything written about nature/the seasons, as well as corporeal descriptions, so this tying the two was beautiful! It pulls me into the scene(s) strongly which is something I think was a strength in the poem! Some of my favorite parts:
Love the personification of summer here!
What a unique way to describe isolation — that it brings this feeling of nausea beyond just discomfort or sadness. Really ties into the sickening, almost "dying" feeling mentioned earlier.
<3 the alliteration!
Something that might be worth playing with is the formatting in certain lines, like this one:
I think playing around with breaking up "god, / or sun, / or whoever" could play into the speaker's scattered, unwell state and desperation to speak to whoever is out there. Also, to break apart the subjects and have the reader really slow down on each one.
The imagery and language use throughout the poem is definitely a strength, but some lines like this one feel slightly weaker? Changing "something other than this" to some sort of state/feeling might convey what you're going for a little better? Like what exactly is better — maybe the speaker is craving relief/respite/etc? I feel like currently it's a mouthful to read and not on the same level as some of your other descriptions.
I enjoyed the newness in the perspective of summer here. Changing up the idea that summer heals, brings life, and is joyous is intriguing as a reader and is augmented well by the imagery of skin burning, isolation, gnats, etc. Also, the storyline-esque formatting plays into this well, with starting the poem as entering a green expanse of grass and ending in reflection. Overall, lovely poem and thanks for sharing!
Until next time!
Beautiful. It really highlights how something or someone may seem great, happy, and perfect, but that on the inside it may be sad and imperfect. How you crave happiness, but it slips just out of reach. Really hit me at some points!
The only thing I would add to make it that much better is adding capital letters, making it grammatically more correct. It can come off like you don't take it too seriously.
Furthermore, I have nothing to add. This is great!