Young Writers Society

Hi there, FireEyes! I thought I'd drop by with a review to bump your poem out of the Green Room!

This poem seems to be about the complexity of love and how feelings have a tendency of jumping around on us so that it's hard to pinpoint exactly what we're feeling at any given time (unfortunately, very relatable @_@). From the description in the Literary Center, I assume this poem is written from personal experience? Regardless, I think a LOT of people have felt this way at some point and so can connect to the poem on that level.

The narrator's response to their emotional turmoil seems to be channeling it into sort of more angry/aggressive emotions throughout the poem. Even the overall vibe of the imagery/language is very intense and aggressive - we have descriptions of war, "merciless brutality", "beat down", temper tantrums, strings around their wrist, and calling the love interest a "bastard". And I think this illustrates an interesting concept, which is that love and hate are two sides of the same coin and can sometimes almost feel indistinguishable (in that they're both intense feelings about someone you care deeply about). Having those angry images and emotions steers this far away from puppy-love-adoration territory and into angsty he-loves-me, he-loves-me-not territory. I'm sure you're aware I'm a fan of angst, so I'm certainly not complaining there!

While there are a lot of fabulous images in here for sure - my favourites being the canyon / echos / silence descriptions! they were just *chef's kiss* - I think they could be even more impactful if there was some sort of connecting thread or theme to the imagery. Like we jump around from fairies -> war -> canyons -> brains -> strings -> echoes. I do see some stuff related to sound popping up in a few spots, but other than that it's kind of all over the place. You don't necessarily need to make everything fit one specific imagery family, but if the transitions between images were smoother or more logical that would be great!

I also think leaning into the physical imagery could take it to the next level; like applying the beautiful metaphors and similes that you're great at writing to the physical symptoms of love (and hate) that the narrator is feeling. "Heart flutters" is a bit of a barebones description - can you dig deeper? How could you describe the "look in his eyes"?

Other than that I really don't have any critiques or suggestion for you! Your stylistic choices - punctuation, capitalization, line length - all work super well for the poem. I especially enjoy how you use short, snappy one-line sentences towards the end to convey intensity. It also makes it feel a bit like the poem is grinding to a stop in the last few lines (in a good way), which is a neat effect. And you do a great job of conveying the very complex emotions that the narrator is feeling in a way that the reader can understand and relate to, so kudos!

I hope this review proves helpful! Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to elaborate on ^_^

Best,
Seirre

Hey FireEyes,

Excellent use of rhyme in this piece; it felt like a very melodic and passionate poem that would probably sound awesome read aloud too with all the sound devices.

Interpretation
The title sort of sets the stage for my interpretation - but I am interpreting the poem to be about how the narrator is trying to figure out their feelings of "do I love him" or "do I not love him" and unfortunately like shroedinger's cat/box it's not really clear to them until it's "out there". Definitely gets at two interesting aspects of relationships that aren't often explored in poetry but are totally true that 1) sometimes it's not straightforward to know whether you're "in love or not" despite what movies and literature usually suggest! and 2) sometimes you have to put yourself out there in order to see if the other person reciprocates those feelings.

As an awkward little subnote here: I don't know if you are writing this poem from personal experience, but I definitely found myself relating @_@ and remembered a particularly excruciatingly awkward middle school?? experience when I person asked me if I liked them [GIANT LIFE-ENDING PAUSE AS I THINK THROUGH MY OPTIONS] and then the same time that I say "yes" he says "as friends". here's some vintage alliyah poetry about the situation @_@' lol life and love and emotions are awkward and confusing sometimes! And I think you'll probably evoke a connection for a lot of readers which in poetry is def good and I think is also accomplished by how personal / vulnerable the speaker comes across in this piece.

Highlights
My favorite aspect of the poem was definitely the rhyming, that was a nice add and really felt like it elevated what could have felt like maybe an immature experience; into something a bit deeper / thoughtout.

You also did a really solid job of giving bodily imagery / sensory descriptions in a way that was very vivid and realistic while staying away from cliche emotional descriptions.

Like these lines,

the rest of my body shakes and sways

from the temper tantrum above.

he knocks on my prefrontal cortex

the second it is inconvenient,

and decides to lounge on the

quiet couch of consciousness.