the perpetual ticking of a clock
is forever gone.
it used to be hands
inching closer and closer to infinity.
there used to be ringing
from grandfather
to tell us a certain amount of time
has passed.
now it's pixels
forever rearranging themselves.
and as the "clock" turned to midnight
nothing became of anything
except a "new" year
that will be the same as last year
and the year before.
the line between day and night
is forever blurred
as the new day starts
while most people are sleeping.
night drunk people
party for the newness
for it is their own sobriety they want
but keeping it pushed away
waiting for a "better" new.
and they don't know what number
they'll live to see
so they keep making those shallow
promises they claim they'll keep.
and the grey brain landscape
i live in won't improve
because a second went over
into another minute.
it doesn't get better
just because someone said
"it is a new year."
the loud booms of laughter
and sulfur confirm to me
everyone loves "the new year"
and they choose to believe it's real.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,800 Reviews
Hi, good day/night,
This is really nice poem,
This is great poem on NEW YEAR,
Not many of us abled to put something in words.
You did great job.
Quite descriptive as well.
Easy to understand and grasp.
I am not reviewer, just as a reader
I really enjoyed the poem.
Best of luck for next work.
Have nice day.
Hi there FireEyes!
This poem strikes a chord with me, because I was actually thinking a fair bit about how made-up and, to some extent, meaningless a "New Year" really is this New Year's Eve. Especially, I think, with Covid the past few years and the refrain of "oh well, this year is finally going to go back to normal!" it can start to feel a bit fanciful. And I think you summed that whole vibe up very well - and poetically - in the title; if time is anything more than a single, homogenous string, then that's because people choose to view it as such.
I think your first stanza does a great job of setting the tone for the rest of the poem - it's verging on nihilism a bit to me? or at very least kind of pessimistic ~musings~ on the nature of time and how it is portrayed by society. You use a lot of words that convey an endless sensation, eg "perpetual" "forever gone" "infinity" "forever rearranging".
I like how the second stanza almost starts mid-sentence -> it adds a bit of push or momentum that makes me want to keep reading.
I think this could be elaborated on a bit? As it's pretty easy to argue that that cannot be true, since 1911 was not at all the same as 2011. I'm not saying to take it out, since it plays into the meaning of this poem; just that specifying a bit more what is meant by it might make the message of the stanza a bit more impactful!
This is a lovely image! since the rest of your poem is fairly direct/not hugely imagery-heavy, I would encourage you to dig a bit deeper into painting a poetic picture here. It's definitely not crucial, but something to consider/play around with ^^
THIS - something about how you worded this is incredibly poetic !!
This third stanza seems to move away from a "what even is time????" subject to a more "we're all just stumbling blindly forward through time, huh" subject, if that makes sense. And then in the last stanza "what even is time" + "it's unstoppable and out of my control" which I think ties all the previous stanzas back together quite nicely. I thing the last stanza is also your strongest, imagery-wise -> like "grey brain landscape" and "loud booms of laughter / and sulfur confirm" are so great !!
Only typo in the whole thing!
I also enjoyed your stylistic choices quite a bit. The all-lowercase capitalization matched the pessimistic mood quite well, and the use of fairly short sentences throughout adds a very matter-of-fact tone that makes it feel like the narrator is very serious about what they're saying. The linebreaks also hit the perfect balance of a bit disjointed, without being way too jarring! The formatting/alignment of the stanzas personally didn't add much for me, but it didn't take anything away either and it looked nice, so no critique there really!
Overall, my main suggestions would be extend some of your images a bit and elaborate on a few of the more abstract ideas! Otherwise, this was a very enjoyable read and it already feels pretty polished to me :)
I hope this review proves helpful, and if you have any questions/comments about anything I mentioned you're welcome to bring them up <3
Best,
-Seirre
Hello! I hope you are having a wonderful day or night!
First off, I really enjoyed the visuals you wrote out to describe the New Year. They both feel very pessimistic, whilst also painting the usual images surrounding the Holiday. The one that most stood out to me was "night drunk people; party of the newness; for it is their own sobriety they want"
This line in particular, I feel, drives home the theme of failed resolutions, and though I do feel that is only a contributing factor to the message you are trying to portray, I still like that it is included.
This may be just my interpretation of the poem, but I like how it devolves from an almost enclosed story about personal emotions, and then expands into a wider view of the other people celebrating.
I would say I have one or two nitpicks regarding the last stanza. I felt that using the word "better" twice lead to it feeling slightly repetitive, and in the two lines "everyone loves "the new year" and they still choose to believe it's real." I think you could cut the "still" out, as if everyone loves the New Year, of course they'll believe it's real.
Other than those minor observations, however, this was an excellent poem, and it was a lot of fun to read! Keep on writing, and have a great day!
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it!