Young Writers Society

Oh my God I just wrote a poem about shadows!!! It's not published yet but still.....Crazy!!!

Nice little poem which I really enjoyed. It seemed well thought out to me and a nice topic. The only issue I had with the poem was the use of 'even when/even though' I can't really put my finger on why it bothers me, I just think it doesn't sound very...poetic. It sounds more like standard speech which the rest of the poem doesn't. It's only a minor issue though and doesn't really detract too much from the poem.
On the whole I really enjoyed and you did a good job!

Hey ObserverxD here ! Before i get started I want it to be clear that I don't believe everything I say is a fact. I'm just expresing my opinion on your work. It doesn't have to be absolutely correct, so take it with consideration.

First of all I do like your idea and the topic. In a way a shadow is a part of every human. I get that your idea is to destribe how a shadow is a part of everyone, a part that is permament and always there. As I have said it's a nice topic and there are a lot of things you can write about it. Having said that I'd have to add that (again in my own opinion) you should have used more words, more descriptions and all in all- you should have created a more complete picture of how it is that the shadow is you compaining. This line to be exact

" Even though it is often forgotten."

You have a good point there. But when writting something you shouldn't write so that you can undestand it. Being a poet you already undestand the feelings and the idea your poem needs to repsresent. You should try and make others understand what you want to say. MAke them associate with your work. And the way that you do it is with more elaborating. Elaborations don't have to be boringly long, but a few words used for desciption can do wonders in the eyes of your readers.

So, all in all,I liked the idea and it is a good topic. But it lacks in content.
Cheers,
ObserverxD

Hi Finn, Shauzer here reviewing
I liked this poem, but not very much. it was rather mediocre. i don't mean to be mean, but there are so many more places you could've taken it. You could've used metaphors, similes, anything. Your shadow is a goldmine idea for a poem. I would recommend for you to look at the poem on a shadow MorticiansDaughter19 did, it is much longer and uses much better language. That's another thing, this poem is very plain, try to jazz it up a bit. Give it some nice, extravagant words like extravagant. See what I did there? I did enjoy this poem though, not really for the content but for the idea. And the third stanza helped, that was a nice little thing to put in and was probably my favourite part. My only piece of advice would be for you to read back over it, don't introduce any more stanzas but make the ones you have much longer, giving each stanza two ideas as opposed to the one they actually have. I liked how you said it is often forgotten too, and think you could've built more on this too. Also, remember to use better language, don't be afraid to reach into your vocabulary, there's nothing there to bite you - unless you're Eddie Murphy of course. Hope this helped, short but informative.
Keep writing.
Yours in ink,
TS.

Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
I actually like this idea of your shadow being a background friend. Usually things I see on the internet are more negative and say that even your shadow leaves you in darkness (enforcing the idea that you are always alone) which isn't such a positive message. You poem refreshingly expresses the idea that you always have someone by your side even if you don't realize it.
I wouldn't change a thing except maybe refraining from using lots of dots and trailing off like "..." because it creates an awkward space that we don't need.
Other than that, this was great. Keep up the good work and have a nice day!
~Purple

refering to shadow as a faceless twin is a very well thought out statement and it is perfect to start with when talking about the 'shadow'..well expressed poetry..continue writing more.

"A faceless twin following your every move,

Grey and emotionless.

Your shadow…"
I don't this that the "Your Shadow" in this line fits very well, but that might just be me.




"A constant companion,

Even though it is often forgotten.

Your shadow…"
Maybe not sya "Your shadow" every line?? Haha! lol. "A constant companion, Never leaving your side, Even though it is often forgotten"...??




"Even when it leave for the night,

It does not go far.

Your shadow…"
"Even when it leaveS for the night, It will not wander far"...?





When you feel alone,

You are never truly alone.

Your shadow is always with you.


Overall i think this is an amazing poem. I like how you were able to write something about light, it really is amazing!