A Love Affair with Orange Juice

hahaha! I liked the melodrama of this poem! For some reason, the line " And pouuuur" had me laughing a lot. I mean, it just seems so funnily silly. And " I say my prayers to the fruit gods?" Seriously?

The poem could've had better wording, but I like it as it is, too. Good job! Write more!

Mysticalxx

I really liked that. It seemed a bit melodramatic, but that's what made the poem. The heartache, the agony... ^_^

I love the creativity in your writing:) It really gives off a unique vibe.

Cesare

This was a laugh out loud poem. It was really, really funny.

I take you home with me
From the market,
All the while restraining myself
From drinking you
Until morning time.
But I can't bear it…
I want you,
I NEED you,

And another,
And another,
I can't stop.
I keep gulping away
To the very
Last
Drop…
Oh no!
I realize as I look at the empty jug.
My one and only love is…
GONE!
I scream
I shout
I cry
I am ready to die.
Oh, what wouldn't I do,
To get myself some more of you.

Hi FinnWinterfall!

First of all... Hahahahaha!! This is so brilliantly written. If you didn't include the part where you let us know it is orange juice you're talking about, it would be so romantic! I laughed so much while reading this, I hope you don't take offense to it.


Take you in my hand,
And pooouur.
You are now in my cup,
I hope you don't mind.


This part was hilarious. The 'pooouur' part is so... wow. It is beautiful play of words, and I can totally see myself pouring a cup of orange juice (I love orange juice, too). Very nicely written, Finn, very, very nicely written. This is one of the most striking, funniest poems I've read, and I'm really not a person who laughs easily.

Nice job, and keep on writing! Mephis

This is simply briliant! I love the way you make it seem like a passionate love between two people when all the while it's just about......orange juice! My favorite line is:

"I say a prayer to the fruit gods
And pay my respects."

I just started cracking up when I read that.

Now to be serious. I didn't see any punctuation mistake, which is really good because I know how hard it is not to make mistakes in that area when writing poetry. The spelling is really good and I like how you occasionally will throw in some rhyming. The whole piece just flows extremely well. Keep up the good work!

~victorianbeauty

Hello Finnwinterfall

Congratulations. This is a rare and a simple concept in poetry. When most of us try finding out the meanings of poems with deep expressions and confusing themes, your poem narrates a tale of simplicity.

Very well written!
The best and the most attractive part is its title.
Keep writing.

Love,
Krish

I click on this poem expecting a deep poem with an abstract sort of title.

Nope.

You just really love orange juice.

I was not disappointed.

LOVE THIS ORANGE JUICE, lol!!!! I have never seen a poem better put together than this!

Lol. Love it!

Hello! The fiend to review this fine piece, and to share my orange juice love. Why not link this in the food club?
Anyway, punctuation. You did a fine job in this department, and I am happy to say there are no errors, and a reasonable amount to retain rhythm.
Last line. I am so happy that you ended this on a rhyming couplet; Chances are if you hadn't, I would have asked you to.
Overall a very good job, no flaws in punctuation, grammar, spelling, rhythm, pacing, or anything else.
Keep up the good work,
Take That You Fiend!

Fascinating one =) It is really shrewd to prolong the word pourrr~~~,It make the sense more vivid and humurous.I am not quite a poet,even not really good at English(which is not even my homeland-speaking lauguage),but as a sincere reader,I can tell you that you do a simple but wonderful work here.I have started expecting your another enchanting composition.

QuietQuila desu!
I love this soon much! The dramatic love of orange juice is so powerful. *lol* This made my day before work. I love how it's timeless and anyone can relate.

This poem is how humor should be.

QuietQuila desu!
I love this soon much! The dramatic love of orange juice is so powerful. *lol* This made my day before work. I love how it's timeless and anyone can relate.

This poem is how humor should be.

Love this. Awesome job. I feel your pain. Sorry, this isn't a review, I just felt like you needed to be told that this is epic. Rock on.

Hi there!

So first off, I love this--if only because it reminds me of my fiance, who can easily finish off a half-gallon of orange juice almost immediately after buying it, by himself. (Luckily I don't like orange juice, so it doesn't matter to me.)

I think you've got good comedic elements here--you hyperbolize the narrator's love for orange juice by comparing it to a romantic love affair.

The only thing I'd suggest is, at the end--it might really put a punch into the comedic element of the poem as a whole if, at the end, rather than simply wishing she (she?) could get more orange juice, the narrator could actually head back out to the market again. This would show that while the narrator is having "a love affair with orange juice," figuratively speaking, orange juice is orange juice and she just wants some more.

Hope this helps!

Blue

heyooo xp

alright, as my poetry skills aren't quite as up to par as some of the other fellas on here, you probably shouldnt take any of my words to heart.

now then, being as this has a comical vibe to it, its hard to critique as a serious work. your structure alone is quite unique, utilizing a varying line structure that at the same time has an familiar pattern to it. personally, i feel this gives the readers eyes a break and makes it much easier to read. i may not be a big fan of free verse, but when humorous works such as this utilize them, it seems to make them much more enjoyable. however, if you were able to transition into a set structure and rhyme scheme, it would give the poem a much more subtle effect of comedy; ie it would professionally talk about an unprofessional subject.

however, now i think im just going off on some opinionated ramblings. i must say, i quite enjoyed this particular line:

And pooouur.