We're Alright

FiguringOutLife,

This is cute, I like the idea. I was thinking of the song It's Alright by Fun while reading this.

At first I couldn't tell it was a rhyming poem until the third stanzas, well I think it's a rhyming poem. You weren't very consistent so I'm not sure, so that's all up to you. I liked the ending, it was cute and almost maybe reliving? I don't think that's the word I want (which is why I put a question mark).

Since you said that you didn't like that one line, maybe it's because you repeated 'through'. So I'm going along that you wanted it rhymed xD so maybe you could say something like "but we had each other, and that was true." Just mess around with the words, you can even look up words that rhyme on Google and find links.

There are a few grammar mistakes, and I didn't read the previous comments so I might be repeating them and I apologize ahead if I do. "Life was just to hard;there was too much pain". 'To' should be 'too' and you need a space after the semicolon. "The times we're too rough to push through". Wrong 'were'. Just take out the apostrophe and you're all set with that!

Good job and keep writing! I'll be looking forward to the rest of your work!

Keep expressing

-Percybeth

Aw! That was sweet ^-^



There are only a few minor issues (that I have anyway...):

-"through" is repeated a little too much for my liking. It's an easy fix though.

-Maybe instead of "saying" "The times we're too rough to push through" you can have "The times seemed to rough to push through" The use of the word "were" implies that there wasn't "a way out" while "seemed" shows that's only what you believed. ("we're" should be "were")

-"But in the end we made it through" I think you don't like this line because you have "through" again.

-There are few problems with grammar. You lack a little punctuation. (second stanza)

-Put author notes before or after the poem. This isn't a big deal, but it can be a little distracting.



-"Any storm we can weather" Ha XD it's a little trite, but it works.

Uh... I think that's all I have... Not bad, keep writing!

Hey, this is a really poem! I think you did a great job describing moving through life on this poem.
First off I would have put that line in parenthesis AFTER the poem was done as an author's note so you don't ruin the reader's experience. Up until that point I was really into the poem and then you broke it off by saying you didn't like a certain line. I would've mentioned that after the poem. So when you revise make sure to fix that.
Okay loved the word choice but I would work on making the rhyme scheme less forced. Just make the flow more natural. Rhyming is tough sometimes
Also the rhythm is a bit choppy. Work on keeping a consistent amount of syllables in each line so the rhythm is smooth and keeps the poem going at a steady pace. You don't have to change that if you don't want to.
Nitpick: goodbye's should be goodbyes
"we're" in the 2nd stanza 3rd line should be "were". I think that was just a typo.
Maybe you could put
"The times were too tough to push through
But in the end we came out anew" I don't know if that makes sense blah...just one suggestions to fix the line
It's a grand start to a sweet and inspiring poem. I can really relate to this because I, too, have gone through rough times with my family.
Keep writing!