Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Ever felt lost? Broken? And almost abused? Ever feel likeyou just want to die and you feel broken. You want somebody to hold you closeand tell you you’ll be alright you want somebody to never let go of you andjust hold on so tight? Ever feel broken and scattered? Not knowing how to getup and depression strikes so effin hard and there is absolutely no last resort.Not even the drugs are working , counseling, self infliction, infliction toothers…nothing. The feeling of abandonment and helplessness. You desperatelywant to feel better because grieving is hard and suffocating. Heart ache holdsyou back from speaking. All you want to do is hide and left alone. Time ticksby too fast and eventually nothing works, not a brother’s comfort, not amother’s words, not a father’s embrace not even a lover’s kiss. Desperate youbecome, smiling genuinely hurts. Darkness surrounds you and your thoughts drownout the noises around you. Nothing can fix it, nothing. Fake smiles are for theliving, but you are practically dead. The little things roll off your back atfirst but then every tiny thing hurts like hell. You fall hard on the coldfloor, face first; all strength has drained away, and your heart feels likeit’s going to pop right out. Silence hugs you and nobody seems to hear youscreaming for help, help it’s all you want. You’re desperate, you haven’tsmiled for weeks, maybe it was months. Talking takes up all your energy andyour brain feels numb, comedy only strikes you as fake joy. You don’t know whatto do but just lie there. A coward you’ve become, scared of your ownreflection, you lacked hygiene long ago.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Perfect! You put me in a bad mood! Just kidding... Loved the theme. It would have been clearer and easier if you could have separated it into lines.
Like this:
Ever felt lost?
Broken?
And almost abused?
Ever feel like you just want to die and you feel broken?
You want somebody to hold you close and tell you you’ll be alright?
You want somebody to never let go of you and just hold on so tight?
This would add a little clarity and simplicity. Otherwise I liked the poem? story? eulogy? a lot.
Really good work, a bit hard to read, but it was great. The only suggestion I have is spacing, or breaking it into stanzas. Lots of sad emotions poured out of your writing, and I know exactly that feels. But this is why some writers write, to express their thoughts and their emotions, which is a good tool to escape the turmoil of this world.
Thank you, please feel free to read what I said about it on the bottom.
Perfect! You put me in a bad mood! Just kidding... Loved the theme. It would have been clearer and easier if you could have separated it into lines. Like this:
Ever felt lost?
Broken?
And almost abused?
Ever feel likeyou just want to die and you feel broken?
You want somebody to hold you close and tell you you’ll be alright?
You want somebody to never let go of you andjust hold on so tight?
This would add a little clarity and simplicity. Otherwise I liked the poem? story? eulogy? a lot.
I also do not know what to call it, I replied to the bottom commenter, feel free to read what I said about it.
This is so sad :/ but a lot of this reminds me of myself...I hope this is not what you are going through.
I am unsure what kind of response to give this. I liked the beginning, but it began to get confusing, toward the end. It was entertaining, and a good read, I just couldn't get into it, entirely. I would suggest breaking it up into more than one paragraph, and doing a spell check on it. This was good all around, although it has the potential to be even better. Good job on the story! I'm sorry if I came off as rude, I really didn't mean, to...
You didn't come off as rude at all!! lol I understand what you are saying, I wrote this when I was going through a lot of depression and I didn't want to go over it when I posted it because I feel like a part of depression is confusion and it would make it more realistic, perhaps I was at fault there but whatever. When I wrote it I was too down to do any of those things, if that helps further explain the realism I attempted to leave as is.