My heart is fragile,
Please don't shout,
When you're screaming,
Watch me crouch,
Under the blankets,
To block out the sound
A lamp falls, a vase breaks,
Just a regular eve.
My heart is fragile,
The words of love between you,
Have turned to deceiving threats,
Daddy sleeps on the couch,
The occasional hotel,
He's barely around,
Just a regular eve.
My heart is fragile,
I walk in the kitchen,
Lying on the table a folder of green,
It's time to face the truth,
I should have seen it coming.
My heart is now broken,
Not a regular eve.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi! You've got a nice poem here. I love this the way it is! But If you altered it slightly it could come to life even more! Alright, let's have a go
I just had this thought that might work for you.
My heart is fragile,
Please don't shout,
While you're screaming,
You don't see me crouch,
suffocating under the blankets,
To dampen the sound
of falling lamps, shattering vases,
just a regular eve.
May not want to say My heart is fragile in the second stanza. Unlike the first and third times you used it, I feel it doesn't really connect with the next thing you say there.
Tender words between you (two)
Have morphed into deceptive threats.
Daddy tosses and turns on the couch,
(Momma escapes) to the occasional hotel, - I know it wasn't mom going to the hotel but maybe you should put something about mom in there. It could be cool.
Like happiness these days, He's barely around,
just a regular eve.
My heart is fragile,
I walk into the kitchen,
It's time to face the truth,
I should have seen it coming: or ;
Lying on the table a folder of green. - Nice double meaning with Lying there!
Lifting the flap,
Heartbreak's eve. - or
My Heart is squirming,
As I lift the flap,
And then it breaks - or a more enhancing word than break
As Grievening Falls.
I hope this just gives any further inspiration to this poem, as it is already beautiful! Amazing poem!
I wasn't a huge fan of your some of your suggestions due to lack of flow but I do like the "like happiness, he's barely around" and the suggestion to put mom in their somewhere, and a heart breaks eve. Thank you for the advise!
Indeed.
Just throwing some stuff out there. When I do poetry, I just kind of play with stuff, flip things around, until I find what works. This is the first time I reviewed a poem in that way though. Happy I could help! 
HI
THIS IS AMAZING
Its great how you don't sugar coat the divorce and I love the "regular eve " bit it really brings depth into the poem.
The only thing I would say is try to make it flow better.
Other than that this was amazing.
Keep writing I hope to see a lot more
xx
Thank you, I will put more thought into that net time.
Wow, I've never been through a divorce, but this makes it sound like you're worst nightmare. A lot of emotion and sound, I really like that.
Here's something I would do if it were my poem:
"Please don't shout,
When you're screaming,
Watch me crouch,"
I think I would say:
"Please no screaming,
When you do,
You'll watch me crouch,"
I don't know, just a small suggestion, that's just what I would've done. But, alas, it is your poetry! Great job, though. Keep writing. I'm intrigued to read more.
-Percybeth
Thank you! I love your suggestion, I have severe readers block so rereading can be difficult. Besides, you are only helping me become a better writer, so thank you for that.