I can only tell you one thing. He is after me, and he won't stop until he finds me. I am the only hope for the human race to continue to live freely.
If you enjoy your freedom, then read this. This is my story. Pass the word and let others know about what's happening.
But I also have to warn you. Going any further than right here can mean certain death. You are about to enter a very dangerous place, and once you're there, there is no going back. Ever.
If your still reading this I guess nothing I say is going to scare you away, listen carefully as I tell my story.
It begins like this...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, well, a very interesting style there for what I assume is meant to be the prologue here as its called Chapter 0. Its a style that I actually like quite a bit, the whole, the protagonist is telling the story to help us survive some grave situation scenario, and so naturally, this is definitely a prologue that I liked quite a bit.
Besides just the style, this does do a pretty good job of conveying that something pretty big and pretty mysterious is going on here. Its interesting to see how, this isn't necessarily some world ending event but simply this person being hunted by a mysterious figure that is trying to stop here from doing something here.
Of course it is definitely bordering on world ending, the whole human race may never be free again sounds quite bad, but I do like how this is more focused on the one person. This just makes you ask so many questions with the whole how could one person be responsible for freeing an entire race, and why this single individual would be tracking the person down..and yeah...all in all, I'd say I'm already quite interested in this story, and this seems like something that I'd absolutely read right here. Its a lovely start here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This chapter is totally cool. It really caught my attention from the start. I'm looking forward to reading more. I like how you have the character talk to the reader, warning them of the danger of reading more. I also like how dramatic the character is. It's definitely an interesting read. I look forward to seeing more!
What's above that...
Looks like a margin
Overall, this chapter is full of suspense and the first line give details about your whole novel and I kind of like it.
Second and third line are
But that freedom part is out of scene. Second line looks no good. It is unclear but the warning in the third is pretty good and I for instance, like it.
Fourth line encourages the reader to go on but the last line is not good as the next part is in the next chapter and it is no good here
But Good
How do I get the quote box to work
This is certainly a very thrilling opening. You have masterfully grabbed the readers attention by immediately introducing suspense and mystery. However, why not give this more detail and make it the first chapter? This seems more like the back of the book than a prologue. Add some detail. Explain more. Make it the first chapter. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!
Hey there!
Well this is a really short prologue, but I'm going to do my best!
This is really mysterious, and I really want to know more. Who is this HE that the author seems so afraid of? What has he done to have someone chase him? Why is he the only hope? I want to know so much more just base on the first sentence.
The third sentence is the one that really gets me. It's like a warning, but it's so unclear I don't have any idea what's it's about. As suspenseful as you wanted to be you missed out on explaining to the reader what this whole thing is really about. There's so much I want to find out but you're leaving all the juicy details out.
The second last sentence is the one that I feel doesn't need much elaboration. Still they sound pretty cliche and it doesn't exactly scare me even though I've read to that point. If you had a scare factor in the first few paragraphs then certainly less I would be feeling some chills.
Hope my review helped!
Hey there, FantasyWriter! Welcome to YWS~
The first thing I have to say is that usually people say to avoid prologues. I know we like a little introduction to our stories, but what can't that introduction be the beginning of the first chapter? The reason is that most often what people want to put in prologues can actually be neatly stuck in either later in the story or with the rest of the first chapter. Do you really need this separate from anything else the character says? Consider letting us move right along to the first chapter.
That said, I think this can be cut down anyway. It has a good, pretty menacing tone, but it is very vague. "He" is after this speaker, but how many stories have you read where there's a mysterious "he" chasing the speaker? So many! We know nothing else about your story at this point, so we're like, "Have I read this before?"
The thing that intrigues me most about this passage is that it seems like MY fate relies on this person -- like if he falls, the mysterious "he" is coming after me next. Are we all in line for whatever this nasty fate is? I'm supposed to tell other people about him? That second paragraph (or group of three sentences) is the strongest in here. It REALLY makes me want to read more, but I am so frustrated because I have no hint of what your story is going to be like. Is this in the future or the past? Is this a risk of death by regular guns and car chases, or is it a scary devil creature? Is the speaker even a human? How is this speaker not as free as I am? And WHY, if I keep reading, will I risk my life? Just by reading?
I don't like the last two paragraphs. They aren't scary. If I'm still reading, I already know nothing will scare me away, and you already know I'm listening. If I'm not still reading, I'm not listening. Also, this is the start of the book, so I know this is where this begins. I don't need you to tell me we're starting. hehe.
Overall, I'd be willing to read the next part, but more willing if you hinted at what was to come!
Lastly, please be sure to proof read before you post!
should be *you're which is short for "you are", not "the thing that is yours"
If you have any questions, send me a PM or wall post.
Good luck!