A/N: Well, this is my all-time favorite movie/series/book events, writing prompts and ideas, all in one story. Everything from the protagonist knowing exactly nothing while the reader almost screams at the character, to riding a dragon cow.
Ya know. My kind of stuff ; )
Anyways, hope you enjoy!
Ps: All names are as written.
I fell down into a metal room, falling onto a bed of pillows and teddy bears. Three people were in the room: my two best friends and a person who was standing in a dark corner which I knew I'd seen before but didn't fully recognize.
"So... Hi." One of my best friends, Emally said.
"Hi." I shrugged.
"..." My other best friend, Callie, was silent.
"Are you ok Callie?" I asked.
"N-no. S-so-something is w-wrong."
"What is it? Callie, you're scaring me!" Emally cried.
"Well... For one... I d-don't remember c-coming here."
Just as she said it, I knew exactly what she meant. Something was definitely wrong.
I stood up, walking towards the vaguely familiar person. "Who are you?"
"Anlana." She answered me, and I didn't know if she was smiling or frowning. She was an average looking woman, wearing a purple blouse with blue flower imprints, yellow jeans, and red high heels, which wasn't supposed to go together but did, surprisingly well. "Who are you?" Anlana asked me back. "I'm Sam. Sam Quill. And..." I continued "why are you here? In fact," I turned to look at the others. "why are we all here?"
"Well," Anlana began, putting her hand to her chin, and a moment of silence came. "I don't know." she finished. I sighed. "Then what shall we do now?"
"I have literally no idea," Anlana said.
"Callie... What other things are wrong?" Emally asked nervously, looking like she was about to cry. "Well, the f-fact that we are in a metal room seems to be q-quite wrong. And also, t-there is a kitchen in h-here." I looked around. She was right. A neon pink kitchen stood in the corner, which I had somehow not seen. I think it was because the author wanted to create an element of surprise. "Why is there a kitchen here?" Emally asked, this time more curious than nervous. "I have no idea. I'm starving though. Let's make something to eat."
More confused than ever, everyone went to the kitchen and started taking out the necessary ingredients to make food. Without any of them asking what they should make, they made perfect croissants, sat down at a table close by, which was neon green, and began to eat. "These are so good!" Anlana cried. "I know right?" I grinned. We had spent an hour in this room now. None of us really noticed, though the clock on the wall, which was neon yellow, was going backward. Until Callie said something quite strange.
"There are some more things that are wrong though. We are in a metal room, with over fifty thousand doors or something, which are not locked, in different sizes, and I feel like we're not supposed to stay here and bake."
"You know, I think you're right. But let's bake something more."
"Agreed." Everyone else said.
We ended up baking 113 chocolate chip cookies for the tour. We figured we had to make many since in many stories the quests are super long. We have to get some energy every five minutes, right? "Ok, everybody ready to go?" I asked. They nodded. "Right. Let's try this one first."
I walked towards a deep blue door, really going against the theme of neon-colored things. I opened the door. Behind it was a mop, a few towels, baking supplies, extra pillows, a vacuum cleaner, and soap. "Let's try something else."
We all walked towards a sewing machine shaped door, literally made of sewing machines, and opened it. Inside was one thousand hairdryers, all of which aimed at Callie since she was the one who stood closest to the door. I shut the door.
"Nope. Not that one." Emally said humorously.
I went to check another door, a golden one, which was a good five millimeters high. Being careful no one was standing in front of it this time, I opened the door.
Behind it, there was taped a hairbrush to the wall with red tape. I carefully reached forward and took it. I turned it around and looked at the hairbrush, then used it on my own hair too see if it was magic. It seemed, quite a normal hairbrush. I gave it to Callie since her hair now stood straight up.
She took it and brushed her hair.
Without warning, Callie suddenly turned into a fish. I scooped her up into my palm, got a bowl from the kitchen, filled it with water and put her in it.
"Next," I said, and picked up the hairbrush which lay on the floor. This time, we walked towards a turquoise window, a little bigger than the golden door. Inside was a quarter. I took it and put it in my pocket.
"Oh my, I wonder if there really is an exit here," Anlana said. "I think... Who am I kidding, I don't have a clue what's going on." Emally said and sat down. Anlana sat down next to her. "Me neither."
I checked another door, a giant orange one.
It was full of beds. "Oh, great!" Emally shouted and ran inside, throwing herself onto a bed and falling asleep after ten seconds. "I think I'll go to bed too," Anlana said and went inside. "Yeah, me too." I got inside and fell asleep on another bed after ten minutes.
We stayed there for three days. As we explored more doors, we found more food and other necessities. Then, on the third day in the morning, I found a door made of topaz, with a message inside. "Symbol for summoning Satan." A symbol was drawn under the message.
I told the others. They didn't seem very freaked out. I wasn't either. It wasn't very surprising, considering all the other weird things that had happened. "Maybe he'll give us some advice?" Callie asked.
Oh, yeah. Callie turned back into a human. It was because of a doorknob we found inside an unlocked safe inside a trap door with a one-meter high purple switch connected to it. We accidentally dropped it into the water, and suddenly Callie the Fish was gone, and we only found her one hour later in human form, inside a door covered with cat sand commercials.
"Yeah, I actually think we should try it," Emally said.
"Me too," Anlana said.
We had become very good friends with Anlana, and I found out why she looked so familiar. She was in a cat sand commercial. You might have guessed it, but I found that out when we were searching for Callie.
"Ok, let's do it then," I said. I drew the symbol on the floor with some crayons we had found. It was a heart with a party hat inside of it.
"Why is this Satan's symbol?" I asked.
"I have no idea at all," Anlana answered. This had become a quite common phrase.
When I was finished drawing, a middle-aged guy appeared, pumping his fist up in the air and yelling "Yes baby!"
He looked at us and smiled. "Hi," I said. Everyone else raised their hand and mumbled a greeting. "You're the first people I've met that has greeted me and been completely calm afterward, after discovering that I am real." He grinned and reached out his hands to everyone, in turn, all shaking his hand in a business-like fashion. "Well, why have you summoned me?" He asked.
That was a fair question to ask when you'd just been summoned into a metal room, I thought and decided to answer him honestly.
"We need advice on how to leave this place."
He looked stunned for half a second, then grinned again.
"Well, are any of you willing to die?"
"Depends." Callie shrugged. "What did you have in mind?"
"Well, either you could go to heaven, hell or Valhalla."
"Do we get to choose?" I asked him.
"In this situation, no." Satan shrugged.
"Soo... which is it?" I asked.
He looked at a big gray painting at the end of the room, thought about it for a moment, then answered. "Valhalla."
"Isn't that..." Emally began "The place where you have to die in battle to come to?"
"Yes," Satan said.
"But we don't have any weapons here. Do we?" Callie looked around at the others and then me. I shook my head. "We don't even have knives. It was actually a problem when we baked, and when we ate the pancakes."
"But," Anlana said, pointing "we do have a spatula. Does that count?"
"I don't know," Satan answered truthfully. "But it's worth a try. I gotta get back to my party." He took a few steps and then stopped again. "But please," He grinned slyly "Don't ever hesitate not to summon me again." He finished and disappeared in thin air.
"So, any volunteers to die?" I asked the others. Silence again.
"Right," I said. I took the spatula. "but someone has to be my opponent."
For a second, nobody moved. But then, Anlana stepped forward. "Well, conveniently, I went to a sword fighting class a we-"
"No. Emally." I interrupted. I didn't want to lose to someone good. Anlana walked to a corner and sat down. Emally, shocked of the sudden development, stepped forward. "What am I supposed to do?" She asked.
"You just hit me a few times," I said, "and then I'll hit you a few times, and then you kill me." I gave her the spatula and searched for another weapon.
"No buts!" I said loudly. "Just do it, okay?" She nodded silently. "Good," I said. I then spotted the lever from earlier and thought it a suitable weapon. Taking it, I went back and stood before Emally. "I'm ready to die."
This was not the last time I was going to say that. But hey, that's not important right now.
Emally was incredibly bad. If I wanted to, I could have ended the fight right away. But, she had to kill me. So we kinda just hit each other a bit. Then, her expression changed, and I knew she was going in for the kill. So I stood still, closing my eyes.
She did it. Though, I didn't know if she had. I'm still not sure, to tell you the truth, but I just assumed, since when I opened my eyes, everything was pink.
And also, I had a spatula going through my heart.
In the middle of the vast pinkness that didn't seem to end, there was a desk. It was quite a normal desk and had a quite normal humanoid looking creature sitting behind it, but It wasn't quite human. It was, I assumed, a secretary. He looked up, saw me, and said "Take a seat. They'll be ready for you soon." And so I did.
The more I looked at the secretary (I tried not to look too much), the less human he seemed. In fact, when he talked to me again, I was 97.6% sure that he wasn't human. His eyes, mouth and body shape was the only thing that threw me off. There was this kind of... Weird glow coming from him.
When he spoke, he did so in a kind of distorted voice, like he wasn't really there.
"You can go in now." A door appeared on his right.
Since this information has no importance, I'm just going to go ahead and tell you: he wasn't really there. He was in another world, fighting an over evolved book. The book in question happened to be "The Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" by Douglas Adams, which again, had no importance whatsoever. A worthy detail to include, is that he was losing.
I went through the door. It was a nice door. Something Lee, another character from one of the author's new stories, would've quite liked. Hi Fanta, by the way.
The door was very strange. It is not worth, however, to describe it in much detail now, but I'm going to include a few. It was made of lamps of different shapes and colours, and had a clarinet as a handle. The clarinet was green. Throw a couple more weird things into the mix, perhaps some sounds, and you would have this door.
Inside the room...
Except me, of course.
And then I heard a sound.
It was a voice.
And it was speaking Swedish.
"Välkommen till oss. Sätt dig ner, sätt dig ner."
A chair appeared behind me, and I, guessing quite correctly that the voice wanted me to sit down, did so.
the voice appeared.
As a French fairytale.
"Jag," Said the fairytale, "är rådet."
And so, the room turned coral blue.