I will never be the woman you want me to be.

I'll throw in a review real quick. Gotta run soon, but hey.

Now, while purely stylistical, the first thing that strikes me is the lack of stanzas. It's real shame though. Sure, 'free verse' and all. But without stanzas and staying true to some rules, it's prose with fancy line breaks rather than poetry.

And speaking of rules in poetry. Unfortunately, I have to critique here what I have to critique in the vast majority of poetry on the site. The lack of meter. Sure, you don't need to keep one super-strict meter throughout the work, that's a very demanding task, but it'd benefit from at least a few hints of similarly structured lines. It helps the work flow, sound more lyrical and, well, poem-like. Rhyming helps as well. Not necessary, but Lord does it help a great deal indeed.

And sure, free verse is (and it's a damn shame) the dominant style of poetry these days... I'm still personally quite against it though, because, as I said, it just turns into broken up prose.

As for content. Let's just say that the topic has been dissected a lot lately. In fact, politics have become so incredibly disgusting to me as of late (being hamfisted into everything), no matter which side I look at, that seeing it in poetry just gives me a bitter aftertaste. Yes indeed, I've seen too many political materials, read too many political works. And when I look at them in hindsight, I realize all well that any radical movement, no matter its nature or motive, is nothing more than an opportunity for its leaders to brainwash common people and gain power through pseudo-revolutions. Hell, that was my sole motive with the Free Socialist Manifesto. You can just see the sheer ugliness of radical movements (including this oddly bizarre and violent form of feminism that we've been seeing in the West during past years). when you try to make your own.

Of the good things, the repetition of 'I won't' is an interesting stylistic choice that I rarely see sneaking about. Grammatically, the work is flawless. No issues with language, word choice, vocabulary in general - that's all good.

So! Now that my horribly weighty and extremely critical (constructively, I'd like to believe) critique is out of the way, I have a challenge for you. Try to write a new poem, or even rewrite this poem, with a proper meter and some loose rhyme scheme. You'll see how much it'll breathe life into the work.


That's all for today's anti-freeverse, pro-traditional poetry propaganda from my side.

Kind regards,
Herr Schweinehund

Pukka here for a quick review...


I love your poem, I really do.
You're not just talking about yourself, this goes far to let every woman know their worth.
Imagine an African quote saying "women's education ends in the kitchen and in the bedroom".

Women should stand up for their own right,
Let them know they're stronger.
Women are though the weaker vessels but still they hold the world and fix it.


Over all, I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing.

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about a woman who refuses to conform to the traditional expectations for womanhood and prefers a completely different viewpoint. The narrator speaks of a you, that you could be a father, mother, boyfriend husband author of some book. We aren't told but it really doesn't matter. What matters are the statements that are made which show the attitude of being against traditional expectations of womanhood.

Suggestion

The poem was very consistent in its vehement opposition to the traditional demands, however, at the end, SEEMS to contradicts itself by encouraging an opposition to the feminist movement. This doesn't make sense because the feminist movement is in favor of all the things that the speaker said she will not do. So urging women to rise above it creates a very serious contradiction since the previous part of the poem is pro feminism. Wanting women to act girly isn't part of the feminist movement.

If indeed that wasn't the intended meaning, then it has to be phrased differently for clarity.

....your thinking that it's time to rise above the feminist movement....





https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminist_movement