Hi, Querencia! Pan back again for another review.
They ate dinner casually, and though Mia chatted away merrily, Mrs. Bale looking at Finnley weirdly
The adverbs here are all placed in the same sort of position, which makes the structure really repetitive. It's a bit monotonous to read, so I'd suggest shaking the syntax up a bit to make it a bit more variable.
"What? I- why would-" He shook his head. That didn't make sense. There was no way he was asking her to Homecoming; they were truly just friends. He was about to say as much to his mother, but then he thought of Mia's glare when he left the room. Maybe it hadn't been a glare at all, rather it was a reassuring stare, telling him to go along with it, that it was all a part of her elaborate plot. Maybe.
This is a very shrewd assumption to make, and I wonder whether he really would come to that conclusion from just a glare. Especially given how flustered he's feeling. Maybe if she'd winked at him as he left the room, or just mouthed something at him that he couldn't work out, he'd be more likely to twig that she was planning something. Or perhaps she could whisper 'go along with everything' after she mentioned the plan in the previous chapter segment? I just feel like Finnley needs a clearer reason to assume that this is part of her plot, because if I were in his shoes, I don't think I'd infer that from a glare/stare.
"Oh trust me, it is," she proclaimed loftily. She tugged one of his arms free and looped it through her own. "C'mon Finnley, we're supposed to be a couple."
"We are not!" Finnley glowered, pulling his arm back. Mia swatted the back of his head.
Hahaha, have I mentioned that I love Mia?
Another good chapter! This plan is very, very Mia. By that, I mean it's sly and thought-out, but could also go disastrously wrong at any point. Which I'm suspecting may happen. Which I'm hoping will happen. I love a bit of Murphy's law in stories. If they were delayed in some way, I dread to think the crazy kind of lies they'd have to come up with. Still, this couple pretence is going to be useful for them - it gives them an excuse to spend a lot of time together and vanish off for hours by themselves. Though I suppose it might raise some awkward questions if they keep up the habit of going to each other's houses during the night...
I am glad the couple thing is a pretence, I will mention. Representation of male/female friendships is something we need more of. Finnley's mum means well, bless her, but as someone who had a lot of male friends when they were a kid, I kind of have to roll my eyes at her. I know what it's like to have people assuming you're crushing on your friends and I feel a personal flicker of annoyance at how much she presumes. Still, she's very believable!
Like BlueAfrica, I feel like you could tease this chapter out a little longer and have Finn talk about his new job, though I suppose that's the kind of thing that might come up in the next bit. I can believe that it would be pushed from his mind by Mia's plan. I might expect him to mention it during dinner, actually, seeing as it's the kind of thing his mum would probably want to hear about as well.
Anyhow, that's all for this review. Great ending to the whole chapter! I love Mia, and I especially love how she and Finnley are such foils to one another. It makes for a great partnership.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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