Young Writers Society

E - Everyone

Moons Kisses

by Fab1e

They is a myth that if you smile

at the moon she will reach out her hands

and give you a kiss.

Through it is invisible too you.

The kiss will you bring you good dreams, they say.

Some believed that the moon would rise you up

from death and bring you to her kingdom for awaited bliss,

Then you would be rebirthed and she would make that

decision based on display,

So you better be good, or she will give you something

like a beetle, or make you float into the abyss.

But all along there was never a single story about

her thoughts and feelings on her difficult way.

The moon saw the people smile at her, and she would fall in love

and come down and meet the lips of them

with her own soft, rosy lips.

But they would always turn back around and go on to bed,

and leave her there by the window

with her hand still outstretched.

The moon was naive, you see, and she believed in

everlasting love, but was still always left with the feeling

still on her fingertips.

She would see the soul leave the life of the body that

just recently died, she would take the pain away and fetched

The body from the gasps of the dark that could steal it away.

The body would stay there for a only a bit, enough for sips,

Of sparkling moonlight to feel into their lungs and stomach,

enough to make a friend. And then she would have to make the

decision and she sketched.

She give them up for the next life.

She crafted her own loneliness, and weaved

her own tragic, reading from the scripts.

They was a another myth, that most everyone knows,

that the moon and the sun were brother and sister.

Together they used to be sweet, cherry blossoming kids,

but they had to work and they got separated.

Now every eclipse, where the sun and moon are together,

they embrace each other,

and they talk for the minutes that they have left,

talks about how the sun missed her.

Then they had to split up,

tear away from each other,

be alone again,

because the people need to sun and the moon apart, utterly dedicated.

The moon is forever destined to be alone.

Only awake when others sleep soundly.

Never enjoyed for more then a few minutes

When you look outside your window

For the glimpse of the moonlight.

Only destined upon when buglers make

Bad choices in the night.

Destined to forever be just that, the moon.

Alone and yet so worshiped.

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27 Reviews

Points: 122
Reviews: 27

Mon Dec 19, 2022 5:21 am
NothingMore905 wrote a review...

This is sad, the moon and sun are brother and sister which resembles how families fall apart, the one and only child that wants the family to stay together but she is always blamed for they're problems when all she wants is the family to stay together, but they get separated every day and night, no matter how many kisses are exchanged between the two, it always ends in a tragic story of loneliness.

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1154 Reviews

Points: 133174
Reviews: 1154

Sun Dec 18, 2022 3:32 am
lliyah wrote a review...

What an interesting piece! I've never heard some of these myths - did you come up with them yourself or are they ones that you've known from other places, I like the magical feel of the poem and also the way you've personified the poem throughout too - it's a sweet depiction.

I think it would be fun for the myths to have a tad more continuity - when you get to the second half of the poem there starts to be a more "story" feel to the narrative and as a reader it makes me want to connect and understand the poem more. The moments of imagery like with the eclipse being the sun and moon together, and then the body imagery applied to the moon are very interesting and something that I think you could expand on a bit more too to really make the poem pop.

Just a couple spelling mistakes here and there ->
"Through it is invisible too you." -> too should be "to"

"her own tragic, reading from the scripts." -> no need for a comma unless you mean "tragedy" rather than "tragic".

"just recently died, she would take the pain away and fetched" -> fetched should be "fetch"
"She crafted her own loneliness, and weaved" -> I think weaved should be "wove"

"Only destined upon when buglers make" -> here I wonder if you meant "burglars"? I think a "bugler" would be someone who plays a bugle, like a trumpet player?

Overall a poem with a unique take on the moon that made me view the moon in a brand-new way! Keep on writing! :)


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26 Reviews

Points: 2652
Reviews: 26

Fri Dec 16, 2022 4:21 am
Lovestrike wrote a review...

Hi Fab1e! Cool username!

I think the moon is such a good poetry topic. It's lovely!

I love the personification of the moon here! I know that it's very common in poetry, but it feels so different here. I always see the moon visualized as some kind of mother figure, but rarely ever a lover. Even then, this feels vivid and soulmate-y, which I think is really cool! You did a great job of making the moon actually feel like something.

I also love the references to different cultures and myths! I think that the moon has lots of different interpretations in so many different places, which makes for the best poetry. I see that you picked many of them to talk about!

I wish you had just focused on one if I'm honest. The detail you put into describing the moon and its backstory is amazing, but it feels overshadowed. I would have loved to see one of the different storylines talked about more! The sun and moon's relationship felt one-dimensional, which is disappointing since it's one of my favorites!

Lastly, the ending is great! It's very abrupt though, but I don't think that's a bad thing. The moon's loneliness could have had more background though, especially with the siblings having to be separated. This isn't anything major though!

This is the kind of poem to stay with you for a while. I liked it a lot! :')

— Solstice

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Points: 405
Reviews: 4

Tue Dec 13, 2022 8:17 am
raccoontrashcan wrote a review...

Grammer Remarks:
First line - I think you meant "there"

Okay woah, that was deep and I related to it very heavily.
"the moon was naive, you see, she believed in everlasting love", this line really struck me and I feel like it really drove home your overall message of being a hopeless romantic in this poem. The theme of always giving and giving and never getting anything in return was very relatable and you conveyed it very well.

Ghosts, demons, and ghouls cannot scare the cat's underling.
— TheMulticoloredCyr