"Magic of Hollywood"

I agree with snoink: figure out which of these you like best and work with that one, or two, or three. And try and find a connection between the function of all these movies... so much depends upon them, so imply what that might be. I know that isn't there in the original Williams piece, but I think this one needs it.

It's very nice, but I have some suggestions. Some people think the poem is long and intimidating to look at, and while it is in your right to make your work as long as you like, there is something I think ought to be shaved off.

When regarding to this poem, I'm sure you're referring to things that could be considered classical since most of the things you referred to are indeed classics, in the case that you're not, then I'll feel really dumb.

The Harry Potter portion should be removed. I'm sure that you must like them, or be around a group of people who liked the movie, however, I would think Harry Potter is known for his books, and we know that isn't a Hollywood creation, but rather British. I'm sure in a few years time the Harry Potter Heptalogy will be known as Hollywood watcher, but for now the time calls for itself to pass on by.

I would say the same thing about Shrek, but if I were you, I'd probably would have placed Toy Story in there. Or possibly not.

Some the movies you have chosen to parade in this are, undoubtedly good movies/classics, like the Wizard of Oz and so forth. Keep writing.

So little connects from one movie to the next, it sounds like the movies have simply been summerized it fit the stanzas. If you were to do this again, try and connect ideas between movies. Also, make sure tense is consistant/ smooth; the last three or four stanzas didn't read in the same tense because it was forced after the line "so much depends upon". However, the idea is cute, and I'd encourage you to revise it into something more coherent.

I liked it! It was original. Your next poems are sure to be great! hope to hear more. Keep up the good work.

-- M.B.Author

Thank you all for your responses--I'll be sure to include them in my next poem or story.

Part of the beauty of the original poem was the shortness of it all. This one just goes on and on. Take your favorite idea and run wild with it.

well...Claudette already said everything wrong with it...So I get to say what's right!:D I like it. It reminded me of DisneyLand! And it's coolz. And like Oregongirl said, I like the ideas of mixing the Hollywood films.

so much depends
upon

reese’s pieces and
elliott

with famous flying
bicycles

i’ll be right
here

Hey I liked this poem! I think you need punctuation! that's an important thing! I liked the idea that you mixed and matched things from Hollywood films! good job

I'm not exactly sure how to start off this critique, so I'll just make a list of what I found to be wrong with it.

1. Topic: The topic was very...broad. When writing a poem you want to write something the reader can relate to. As fun looking as it may be, the poem is written to be read and so, is written for the reader. This was just...very, very random. To me, the goal of any poem is to make the reader feel, or think something.

2. Length: It was terribly long, and I am not a fan of long poems in general. Also though way you did your stanzas made it difficult. Kind of has to do with the topic, but: nothing went together. Though you wrote it all about movies, and the ending tried to tie everything together, you kind of just summed up movies or took lines from them, which didn't do much for the poem.

3. Punctuation: I can't stress this any more...You need punctuation!!!!! This will help: Poetry & Punctuation

4. Explaining the poem: One thing that, right away, signaled your poem might need some fixing was the fact that you started with an explanation. Along with making the reader feel, a poem should also be self explanatory. If you can't write a poem without having to explain it, don't write it.

I could say more, but I think this basically covered it in a general way. But, I do have a suggestion that will help you improve:

Read Poetry! [You must be getting sick of the bolds and underlines =p] Reading poetry is the most helpful thing you can do as a beginner poet. Whether it is your favorite poet, or even on the forum. But, if on the forum, read the poems and the critiques that follow. Try to find out what makes a good poem, what makes a bad poem, what do people like, how can you do the same?

You're probably new to poetry Another thing you could consider doing is buying a book on writing poetry. There are a few good ones out there, I can't think of them now though...

With time, you'll improve. If you have any questions/comments, feel free to PM me.

Bonne chance.