Mr Tumnus grinned as he waved his hand over his head at Lucy, Queen Lucy. It had seemed only yesterday that he was stumbling into her outside his old home in the woods. She was a young woman now, of seventeen. In her fine hunting gear, perched on her faithful horse, Ralio, she was a picture of elegance and strength. She was everything he'd known she'd grow up to be. She was alone on the embankment. The other three Pevensie children - the other three monarchs of Narnia - had decided to remain at home as he set out on his voyage home for the summer. He would be back in a few weeks - he was only going to lend a babysitting hand to Mr Beaver while he and Mrs Beaver welcomed their seventh kit into the world - so his departure had not seemed monumental enough to merit a state visit.
"I'll be back before you know it, Miss Lucy!" Mr Tumnus called.
"Take your time, Mr Tumnus. You work hard," Lucy assured him with a smile. She cupped her hands around her mouth to project her voice over to the middle of the river, where he was leaning against the railing of a water-bus's prow.
"Glad to know I'll be missed!" Mr Tumnus chuckled, "Goodbye for now, Miss Lucy."
"Goodbye, Mr Tumnus." She shook her hand beside her head in an energetic wave, using the hand to flap some straggly, windswept hair out of her face.
Mr Tumnus ambled inside the cabin of the bus. The walls were lined with glass windows like a train and the frames were of a shiny oak that looked sturdy. They extended into the ceilings, where they merged into a convex ceiling with ruts that resembled the keels of a boat. At each window a table circular table was gently nudging at the wall just below the sill, with a few orange-cushioned benches scattered around each one. There were dozens of passengers - the boat's capacity was eighty. Some were the children of Adam and Eve - or 'humans', as Lucy had referred to her race as. Others were fauns, like himself, a few dwarves, some elves and even a centaur crammed along the the length of one of the benches. The noise of their conversations swarmed around Mr Tumnus' ears and the humidity threatened to snow him under, like the days of the White Witch.
Mr Tumnus shook his head to expel these thoughts and took a seat on one of the benches across from a middle-aged couple that he'd just seen wave farewell to their daughter. They appeared to be humans but there was an odd horn protruding from the back of the man's left hand and one on the woman's right. The man's hair was greying and his face was pinkish, which Mr Tumnus suspected was related to his rather obtuse plumpness. The woman was slightly slimmer and still had shoulder-length vibrant blonde hair.
"That was the Queen, right?" the man asked with a hint of excitement, "I'm Ollen, by the way, but you can call me Olly. This is my wife, Ciler."
"I'm Tumnus," Mr Tumnus had forgotten what it sounded like without the 'Mr' before his name, "And yes, that was her Majesty."
"Well, if you're Mr Tumnus, of course it was Queen Lucy!" Ollen burst, "You're the royal adviser. You're her best friend!"
Mr Tumnus felt himself beam with pride and shrugged with as much modesty as he could muster. "Yes, I suppose you're right. So where are the two of you going?"
Ciler smiled wickedly at Ollen. She said, "We're going on a sort of, second honeymoon."
Ollen slid an arm around his wife and added, "Yeah, time to rekindle our romance. And you? Where are you heading a week before the Summer Solstice Festival, if you don't mind me asking, sir?"
Mr Tumnus waved a dismissive hand. "Honestly, you can drop the 'sir'. My name isn't even 'Mr' Tumnus. Lucy just calls - Queen Lucy just calls me that. She's very respectful for a member of royalty. Anyway, I'm going to visit my friend from back on the Narnian outskirts, Mr Beaver. Mrs Beaver is about to give birth to her seventh kit. Guess how many older siblings she has."
Mr Tumnus leant back and grinned. Ollen's and Ciler's eyes lit with a question and Mr Tumnus nodded in conformation. Six. Mrs Beaver had six older siblings. This new kit would in fact be the seventh kit of a seventh kit.
"I take it you've heard of the special powers this kit is said to be graced with?" Mr Tumnus asked, although the awed looks on their faces answered his question louder than any words.
"I've heard seventh young of a seventh young can have incredible tracking powers," Ollen whispered, "depending on the species."
"And that they grow in mental age at quadruple the age of any other young," Ciler added, "And of course the psionic - they can read your thoughts, move things with their minds and move instantaneously across thousands of miles."
Mr Tumnus nodded eagerly but inside, he was shrugging with indifference. He'd heard all the rumours, of course. Seventh young of seventh young were fabled to have a variety of powers. There was evidence of the advanced maturity and the tracking powers but many had also been rumoured. He had once heard a murmuring - roughly when the Beavers had first conceived - that some could shrink to the size of a pea and wriggle through the tiniest gaps in anything.
"Where exactly do the Beavers live?" Ollen asked inquisitively. He had leaned forward and seemed to be dangling off of Mr Tumnus' every word.
"Just a little south-east of the lamp post that marks the edge of Narnia," Mr Tumnus replied, wondering what he could possibly be saying that was so interesting.
Ollen seemed satisfied with the answer and began to tell Mr Tumnus of all the wonderful sights that could be found in Glasswater Creek, which was the location of their second honeymoon. Mr Tumnus leant back into the backrest of the bench and sank into Ollen's words of crystal views and glittering light on the water's surface. By the time his companions departed for their transfer and Mr Tumnus was left alone for a nap, he had formed a picturesque mirage of the Creek in his mind. He let his senses smell the crisp air and hear the wind hurtle through his ears and drifted into a flitting sleep of semi-consciousness.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hiya, BiscuitsBatchAvoy!
Just wanted to say I really enjoyed this small piece of Narnian fan fiction. Mr. Tumnus was always one of my favorite characters in both the books and the movies. And this only heightens my love for him. Your writing is superb for the most part, although some info felt a bit rushed. All in all, it was a splendid read. And I would like to hear more about Ollen and Ciler. What's with the horns on their hands? I'm guessing from just the way you described their actions and interest in where the Beaver's lived that they are most likely the villains, and for some reason have a curiosity with the seventh kit.
Love,
Narnia Queen
Hello, my friend.
First, I saw the later chapters of this novel in the Green Room. It is an absolute horror, of course, for works to reside in the Green Room for too long, so I decided to start from the beginning and work my way through your writing. I must tell you, I do not read fan-fiction, as a rule. However, with your work, I have come to realize that I have severely generalized the genre of fan-fiction. Your writing was sophisticated, intriguing, and beautiful. I may just have to start reading more fan-fiction. But, only if its written by you!
Second, some grammatical things:
I tried very hard to find some form of mistake, but I could not. Impressive, my friend.
Third, some stylistic suggestions:
I love your style of writing, so there is nothing I would want to change.
Fourth, your characters:
Your characterization of Mr. Tumnus is wonderful. His small quirks and consistent style of speaking are fantastic. I wish I had more to say on the matter, but I do not.
Fifth, your plot:
While I enjoyed the chapter immensely, the ending seemed like a ridiculous amount of plot information. You just dumped all of this information about the "seventh kit" onto the reader. I found it almost too much information in such a small space. I would recommend spreading that over a period of time. I hate when writers do not explain topics to the needed extent, but this was almost too much.
Why aren't people making an enormous deal about the Queen of Narnia being at this bus-stop-thingy? I would assume that throngs of people would be crowding her. Or even noticing her.
It seems rather odd of this strange couple to mention that Mr. Tumnus and Queen Lucy are best friends. It ruined the flow of your writing, in my opinion. It seemed childish.
Isn't the location of the lamppost common knowledge in Narnia? It seems a bit repetitive for him to mention exactly where it is. There is only one lamppost in all of Narnia.
Overall, I absolutely adored this chapter and I cannot wait to read more. Happy Writing!
Thank you
I'll do some editing to spread out the plot stuff before I put up ch3
I am simply in love with Narnia, I liked a lot you're chapter I think you're really good at it... I'll stayed tuned
Thank you!
Hello BBA! I adore Narnia!
Random comma alert. Nip it.
That was the only nitpick I found. Moving on.
Wow, that story. xD I adore it! Such smooth pacing. Your dialogue transitioned into each other with ease and this overall started off nicely, with the setting after the White Witch is defeated and Lucy and her brothers and sister are in charge. I'm a big fan of Aslan so please please bring him in sometime!!
I love the route you're going with the seventh kit myth! (I totally didn't know a baby beaver was called a kit omg) I have a feeling that this kit might be the one? And that s/he is what causes another war or something? This couple, they seem interested and curious. I hope they aren't planning on taking a detour to the Beavers' den because god knows they would mess everything up.
Also, do enlighten me: why are their humans in Narnia? Other than the kings and queens obviously. I don't remember the end of the last movie nor did I finish the book series so I'm confused. Explain?
Other than that, this is great so far! I'd love to see more, so do let me know when chapter two is out. ^^
~Iggy
Well, I'm not sure how humans got to Narnia but by the time Caspian's in charge there are loads of them so I thought I'd make a start on the population
The humans are descendants of the first king and queen of Narnia. The sons and daughters of the first king and queen married dryads and naiads and wood gods and river gods and other sprites (according to the Magician's Nephew).
Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on your first chapter.
I must say that I love the Narnia series and everything about it (I even read the books!). This chapter is very well done indeed. I love how it is not only just narration but you also have dialogue inside of it.
Nothing is overly done, the reference to the eternal winter of the White Queen was brilliantly done, but it overshadowed with confusion on what exactly he meant.
The fact hat you have Lucy wave him off to go and visit old friends, put a small tear into my eye. It was so sweet, especially as she would have done that at the first time she entered Narnia.
Well I don't have much to say about it!
Thanks for your review