Young Writers Society

Hi ExCor! You have such a short piece here that I will jump right into my review, but feel free to disregard any suggestions or comments I make, should you find them unhelpful.

Overall, I love that such a short piece can warrant many different interpretations. Before writing my review, I read your poem several times and Radrook's review below, and each time I came up with a different interpretation. Initially, I took your poem to be a very serious glimpse into the mind of one trying to deeply analyze why precisely we follow our hearts despite our minds being a large part of who we are and why we do what we do.

Then i read it again multiple times and read your genre as "humor" and chuckled at myself for taking it way too seriously.

But at the end of the day, I LOVE that your poem warranted such a response. Many people reading it will analyze it differently, and even if that may not have been your goal, that's definitely an accomplishment.

My Suggestions:

Format could use a bit of tweaking (correction in red):

Who wants to know how deep it goes?
Of the heart as an abundance of all things immovable
such through the passing time.
A fractalization with numerical nonsense strewn in a way which upheaves the rhythm
Innate in all things, all things innate in
So you? Who are you? Wanting to know the way of it.
Just look.

That's all I have for suggestions. I really enjoyed this piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

Keep writing,

-Katja!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said: The following review is a result of I not looking and therefore not knowing that the category of the poem is humor and fantasy. It teaches me the lesson of making sure of the writer's intentions before I respond.

Thanks for sharing this poem about the deepest recesses of the mind as represented by the human heart. I like the use of vocabulary which conveyed the general ideas very well. Also the mystery created a drama that gives the poem an attraction to be read repeatedly in order to understand the the concepts being mentioned. The description of the heart as the seat of human motivation reminded me of certain scripture that I read once:

Jeremiah 17:9 ► NIV
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?

So delving into the human heart, where our motives are entrenched and which are often camouflaged as noble when they are the complete opposite. might result in either enlightenment or deception.

If we seek reasons in the human heart and our emotions are strongly set in a course of action, then the heart might provide us with the reasons to continue in that direction regardless of consequences. In short, our emotions very often dictate what our heart will tell us because humanity has the disconcerting habit of using fallacious reasoning to support emotion.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fallacies


https://philosophy.stackexchange.com/qu ... e-passions


Other Things I pondered

The first sentence poses a question of deepness and a reference to an “ït”.
Since there is no reference to attach the pronoun to it remains vague. What exactly is that ït” which we are maybe supposed to be concerned about? Is it life in general?

The reference seems like an allusion to Alice in Wonderland where she wants to know how far down the rabbit hole goes. A the story is mentioned in the film The Matrix where the very nature of reality is the issue. So is this the issue that the poem is referring to? If it is then there is a problem since the mind cannot untangle itself from sense impressions received either from an outside world or a fictitious one created by brain stimulation. So delving into the mind itself, which is subject to illusion, is really fruitless.

The poem goes on to describe the heart as a jumble of fractal images thrown about helter skelter in a numerical nonsense. In other words, what we will find will not make any sense because nonsense doesn’t make any sense. What this nonsense is we aren’t told. Only that the writer considers it that way.

The nonsense is also described as throwing the rhythm of all things out of kilter. This brought to my mind how humans interfere with nature and throw things out of balance.
The the description of nonsense within the human heart does have evidence to support it.

The heart is also described as the source of all things immovable. Once more nothing specific is mentioned. So as a reader I am left to conjecture on meaning. What exactly are the things in life that we consider non-alterable and how is the heart in any way the source? This poses a very serious problem since there are obviously things that seem unalterable that are not connected to the human heart. For example, is the fact that we must age before we die related to the human heart?

I found the poem very thought provoking. the main reason is because it is intentionally vague via making sweeping statements.

Suggestion


Providing some specifics in support of the claims would greatly enhance the poem..

Always pass it through a spell checker

rythm [rhythm]


All in all a very fascinating thought provoking read. Looking forward o reading more of your poems.

BTW

After writing all this I decided to look at the category and found it under both humor and fantasy. Had I read that at the outset I would have approached the poem differently since i would have assumed that you aren't really being serious and are just trying to get a chuckle or two from the reader. Sorry about the misunderstanding.