I would have fallen in love if I had seen her eyes

Hello, here for a review,

I overall enjoyed this poem and I like the feeling and atmosphere you set forth. I do think there's room for improvement for the ending, because it wasn't impactful enough to leave me content with your vibe of the body and then leave off rather abruptly and not as colorfully as I think you could end.

I think even just adding some sort of adjective to describe the girl rather than plainly say "girl." I appreciate your simplicity for the most part, but something surely needs to be added to give the last line that extra oomph.

I would suggest something like "Till then, typewriter girl." Perhaps not as cliché as that, you could add an "electric" or something of the like but you understand where I'm coming from.

Besides the ending, I overall enjoyed this. I think you can expand on your descriptions slightly to give this piece extra flavor and pull your reader in, yet still not overdue it.

Good job,
Happy writing,

Kali L.

Radrook here for a review. Please feel free to reject any suggestion found unhelpful. No offense intended. But if I do offend, I apologize.

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning a fellow who sees what is described as a beautiful girl on the sidewalk with a typewriter spontaneously writing poems for people. As a reader, I assumed that she is charging a fee for it but not sure. I like the scene with the mysterious girl whose eyes can’t be seen and who can produce poetry so easily. The mysterious nature of her activity creates drama and as a reader I definitely wanted to know more.

Suggestions

I would have liked to know how she is dressed. How a person dresses can be used to indicate situation, social class, financial situation, culture and other such things. Also, a description of why he considers her beautiful would have been helpful. As a reader I can’t see it unless I am told. Is she blond? is she white, black, of tan skin? Is her hair straight? Wavy? Frizzled?

If she had a sign then a fee must have been involved. Perhaps mentioning the fee on the sign would be better?


The following two lines are a redundancy


I can’t remember what she looked like

Nor can I remember her face[.] [redundancy The first sentence would include her face.]



I couldn’t see her eyes, she was looking down[.]

“On the spot poetry[,]” the sign said

Sitting there with a typewriter on a New Orleans street

I don’t know why I didn’t talk to her[.] [It is unclear whether the speaker or the girl is sitting and writing.]

I suppose it was because she was typing a poem for a kid[.]

I don’t think I could’ve interrupted that[.]

She was the most beautiful person

I had ever seen[,]

[t]he kind of girl that only comes to you in dreams[.] [Please describe her beauty.]

Did I waste my chance?

I’m sure I’ll see her again[.]

Till then, girl[!]

All in all a very entertaining read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hello, Excor. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

I. Clarity and Message
I understood the message the speaker was trying to portray. He/She missed their chance on someone if they had a chance to see what that person looked like. That’s what I got when I read the poem. Your poem was quite clear on the theme you got here. You did well on the clarity of the poem.

II. Tone
The tone of the poem was, well, it seemed to lack emotional connection between the speaker and the reader. That is probably just me feeling this way, but while reading this poem, I sensed a lack of emotion throughout the whole piece. For example:

She was the most beautiful person
I had ever seen
The kind of girl that only comes to you in dreams
Did I waste my chance?
I’m sure I’ll see her again
Till then, girl

This review courtesy of

Hey, it's RedWingsBlueSky with a review for you! This is really interesting, it actually gave me an idea! On the spot poetry, wouldn't that be cool? The story was very engaging, and it really pulled me in. "Im sure ill see her again" needs editing,but other than that it's pretty good. I actually don't have that much to say, other than I want another! Tell me what happens! Does he ever see her? Thank you and I hope this helps!