Miku - Chapter 2

by EverStorm

Published January 19, 2016

In Miku

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Miku walked to the window of her room. All she could see through the thick trees was the tops of faraway buildings. She pressed her nose to the glass until it was too foggy to see out of.

“Princess, the Emperor would like to speak to you.” A guard called through the door.

“Alright.” She mumbled. She looked down at her outfit, nice jeans and a blouse. It would have to do. She walked through the door and glided down the hallways of the Imperial Palace. Guards followed her at a distance, but she paid them no attention. She refused to socialize with them.

The doors to the throne room opened when she got to them. She didn’t look at the guards who had opened them for her. As far as she was concerned, they weren’t there. She looked her aging father in the eyes but did not speak. He was of course dressed as the Emperor. She had never cared for the ceremonial wardrobe she was provided.

“Miku,” He greeted, she bowed slightly in return, “I have been discussing with Katashi, and we have decided something.” He gestured to the man to his right. Katashi was head of security for the royal family. He wasn’t very old, but he was very smart. Miku thought he was ruggedly handsome, even though he doubled her age.

“Yes, Princess. With the attacks of the Taka-Gyangu, we have decided you need a personal guard. Someone to follow you and protect you.” Katashi said. Miku stared at both of them with disgust and shock.

“Why would you even suggest that?” She cried. The Emperor jumped at her outburst, but Katashi had seen her throw a tantrum countless times. And countless more time than her father.

“We believe it to be safest. You do know that they are after you.” Katashi said. Miku looked at him and shook her head fiercely. She turned out and ran from the room. Katashi followed her out of the room, walking calmly for the sake of his dignity.

He found her in a remote corner of the palace, staring at the wall. Tears were running down her face and she refused to look at him. “Why are they after me anyway?” She whispered to him. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she turned to him. She buried her face in his chest and let silent tears fall onto his suit. He hugged her softly back.

“Because, princess, you are valuable. You are the Jewel of Japan.” He said to her. She pulled back and looked at him before she looked away. Her hair was disheveled and her makeup was smeared from the tears. Katashi could tell from the look in her eyes that she was thinking hard.

“Alright. I’ll get a guard.” She said. Katashi raised his eyebrow, waiting for the conditions she was sure to apply. “But he will have to be American. And I want to help pick him.” She demanded. Katashi couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud. He look particularly handsome when he laughed, making his smile wide, and his shaggy hair get a little disheveled. Miku would have smiled with him, had she not been so serious about this.

“Princess, you can’t be serious. American? They have no skills.” He laughed. She glared at him and crossed her arms.

“I am serious. Dead serious.” She told him. His smile fell and he stared at her.

“Why, of all people, an American?” He asked her. She opened her mouth but he stopped her. “I’ve known you for a long time Miku. Before you speak, make sure it’s the truth.”

She stared at him for a long time. Why an American? Because they knew how to have fun and be crazy. He would cause trouble. She wanted someone that would entertain her. She wanted someone to boss around, and who better than an American to be bossed? “Americans think outside the box.” She told Katashi. He stared at her for a long time.

“Alright. Fine.” He said, “I’ll be in America soon.” He began to walk away but she lunged at him and grabbed his arm.

“No!” She cried, “I want to come with you.” She said. He pulled out of her grasp.

“I will speak to your father about it.” He said.

“No need. I hereby order you, as the Princess of Japan, to take me to America and to let me help you pick my guard.” She said. He gave her a sideways glance.

“Not the most graceful of orders.” He teased. She playfully nudged his arm. This is how it had used to be. He had been her guard a lot, before she turned 12. She knew that he was married, but he was hardly ever home, so she doubted how well that relationship was going. Either way, after he got married they never spoke. They had been best friends. But four years was a long time to go without being friends. It was a long time to go without having friends.

“What do you expect?” She shrugged and he laughed. They walked down the hall together in silence, and Miku wished that he would talk to her. But he didn’t of course. All because of Aimi. Her father was in Parliament, which was why she had met Katashi. Miku would never had guessed that they would have gotten married. Aimi was only six years older than Miku, which was young to get married. Miku still hated her.

The Emperor was easy to convince, but convincing Miku’s mother to let her go to America was difficult. Sora had loved to pamper Miku, from the time she was little. But she was over protective.

“Mother, please let me go to America.” Miku pleaded. Sora shook her head.

“It is too dangerous for you my dear. Besides, can you even speak English?” She asked. Miku glared at her. No matter how spoiled she was, her mother didn’t care about her talents. Especially her knack for languages. Miku switched from Japanese to English.

“I’m practically fluent, mother.” She said. Sora rose to the challenge and spoke English as well.

“Really? Would you like to tell me where you will be going in America? Will you go to the country or to the coast?” She asked. Miku thought for a moment.

“I was thinking near the coast. San Diego to be exact.” She said. Sora sighed and switched back to Japanese.

“Dearest, you wouldn’t fit in there. The travel will be hard. You won’t enjoy it.” She said softly. Miku’s face reddened and she stomped her foot.

“How would you know?” She yelled, “You never let me travel!” She said. Sora stood up tall, which did nothing, considering both of them were barely over five foot.

“You will speak to me with respect!” Sora said her voice firm and loud. The guards nearby lowered their heads and looked away from the spectacle.

Miku lowered her voice and made her lower lip tremble, “Please, mother, let me go. Just this once. Please?” She begged. Sora’s face melted and she put a hand on Miku’s cheek.

“Alright. You may go. You have one week to find someone before Katashi is to send you home.” She said. Miku bowed to her mother and scurried from the room. Once she got to her suite, she did a little victory dance.

“San Diego, here I come.” She whispered as she threw herself onto her bed.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Casanova
Review
Casanova wrote a review Review · Nov 20, 2016

Heya, Eevee! Casanova here to do yet another review! Since I took such a long break after that other folder, I will be going straight to a couple other folders before I take a break and finish off your poetry. Sound good?
Alright, the length. It's a lot longer than the first chapter, and it was daunting to shift through. Again, with the other one one of the problems is the length. But unlike the other one, I do like your ending. It's not suspenseful, but I could just SEE a movie or such scene ending like this, so I will give you props for what it's for. The ending,""San Diego, here I come."She whispered as she threw herself onto her bed," Could be changed, however. It just seems bland, if you know what I mean. I mean, it could stay and work, yeah. But here's what I suggest doing with it-

"San Diego, here I come," she whispered quietly, throwing herself down onto her bed."
Something like that, to give it more of a her longing to go, but at the same time not wanting to go. Kinda more emotion to it, if you know what I mean.

One thing this one had wrong with it I praised in my other review, though, was the dialogue. This one is made up of a lot of dialogue. I don't know if you intend for it to be this way or not, but it seems as if you are. My advice, as I've stated before, is letting the story unravel through other means besides dialogue. After a while dialogue just gets old, and you want to know more about the story itself. So, cut some dialogue, play around with letting the characters actions be their words. Let how they respond to something physically or mentally answer questions. Let how they move talk to us, let how they perceive things haunt us.

I think that's all I have to say about this one, I"ll move on now. Almost done.

Hope this helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Your friend, Cassy

User avatar
Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2016

Me again :P

I have to admit, my 7 brain cells were super confused for the first paragraph or so of this after coming straight from the first chapter. I caught up quickly enough though, but I would suggest maybe inserting details of date, place, time e.t.c. at the beginning of each chapter to avoid dumb people like me getting confused. Or the name of the main character of each chapter, whatever floats your boat! (Or not, this is obviously 100% optional)

Anywho, this put a very interesting twist on things. I'd originally assumed your novel would be a somewhat typical (though well-written, entertaining) story about a bunch of high school kids, so this chapter was a pleasant surprised. I knew Jonas was into Japan, but heck, this will be a surprise for him. Anywho, Miku seems like she could become an interesting character, and I'm super intrigued to find out what this whole people coming after her thing is. I like that she's not a stereotypical princess too. She clearly has emotions, but she's not all oh, woe is me, I'm so beautiful and all I need is a man to save me. Instead, she's like I ain't wanting no guard! It's tre (pretend there's an accent on the e cool. Overall, a brilliant concept with oodles of potential.

So my first critique is in regards to Miku's character. While I can just feel the potential seeping from her, at the moment she's quite difficult to connect to. I realise this will render me useless, but I can't 100% put my finger on why. Hm... I think part of it is that her character is a little inconsistent, and somewhat melodramatic in her reaction to having to find a guard. I mean, one moment she's sobbing crazily over having to get one, and the next she's totally chill about it and is demanding some pretty strange criteria (we'll get to that later, dun dun dun). She warmed to the idea awfully quickly, I guess, and so it made her character seem inconsistent. In regards to the melodrama thing, she did react a little extremely to the suggestion of having a guard... even if her sobbing was due to the idea of these people who are after her, it still seemed a bit over the top. I'd suggest toning that down a little!

Okay, so onto the criteria Miku had in regards to her guard. Honestly, I was just as perplexed (if not more perplexed) as the emperor. It gave me, as a non-American, that kind of feeling of the way in which America has a tendency to be perceived as this godly country where everything is perfect. it kind of brought this image into my head of a middle-aged Texan man who hangs the American flag in every room of his house, as he spends his nights sitting on his porch with a rifle in one hand and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the other. Or this:

Spoiler
Image


In all seriousness, of course I have nothing against America and I'm totally cool with Miku searching for her guard there. It's just that her reason seems... kinda bizarre. This idea that all Americans are crazy and fun and super awesome is rather naive, and surely Miku wouldn't be that naive. That could be another reason I'm struggling to connect to her, actually. I mean, I've been to the UK (live there, so probably doesn't count), Cambodia, Australia, the US to name a few, and trust me, there are crazier people out there. You can't have more than two people on a motorbike at the same time, right? Not in Cambodia, the more the merrier (I once saw a woman with 5 children rising one, no joke). Let's not even go into trying to cross the road there. And Australians are absolute screamers (they eat some freaky stuff, as well as have about 10% care for health and safety).

No, but all jokes aside, I just feel like her justification isn't enough. It seems odd to me that this Japanese princess, who is likely to be somewhat alienated from the world because of her status, would be so eager about the concept of America. I'd suggest maybe either switching things around so that it's actually the Emperor to suggest America (to avoid the suspicions of these people who are after her, perhaps), or change Miku's reasoning. Maybe I'm just being a bitter old British woman, I don't know, but this did bug me quite a bit.

Okay, I spent far too much time rambling with that last critique, so I shall move swiftly on. Now this is an assumption I'm making here--quite a big one--but I'm fairly sure it's a good one to make. I get the feeling Jonas is going to be Miku's guard. If so, all of me is questioning why. Maybe he has some hidden kung-fu talent or something we don't know about yet, but I kind of hope not because it would add fire to the critique in my last chapter about him being a tad too perfect. If he is her choice, as it stands, it seems awfully bizarre. I mean, he's young and inexperienced, plus his height would be a bit of an issue. I don't know if this will be the case, obviously, but just a heads up if it is.

Phew, anyway, so sorry for rambling so much in this review. I severely hope I've not come across as harsh or anything because I'm kind of worrying that I have now... I seriously did enjoy this, you just have some issues with inconsistency and realism now and then, but they can be fixed super easily. I really hope you continue writing this and post more because I'm super excited to see how and when Jonas and Miku's paths cross, and where you will take this story. I can't die not knowing who these strange people after Miku are, either. You can't do that to me, man. Your writing style is lovely and easy to follow, your pace is good, and the story itself has the potential to become something extremely original and fascinating. If you've got any questions regarding this review, or if you simply want me to actually try and explain what the hell I've been going on about throughout this thing, please do let me know.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

SemperAugustus wrote a review Review · Jan 20, 2016

Hi,

I haven't read your first chapter and will review this chapter as a standalone.
I feel that this chapter has a lot going on but the reactions aren't natural at times. To me, the main character Miku seems to get overly emotional about things. First she runs from the room and then breaks down in tears. I feel that if Miku has such a strong reaction, there should be more dialogue between the Emporer and her to make her induce these types of feelings.
Afterwards, without much dialogue, she is very easily convinced by Katashi about getting a guard. Her switch from running to the room, bursting into tears and then agreeing within four paragraphs seems implausible. Conversation would have definitely helped to allow the reader to understand her thoughts.
Also, Miku seems kind of moody as she doesn't seem to like much about her surroundings. She doesn't like the guards; she doesn't like her clothes and she doesn't like having a guard when there are people after her - to me this is the rational for the "Jewel of Japan". I think making the main character a bit more approachable woud drawn the reader in more than having her dislike everything she sets her eyes on.

Hope this helped.

Thanks! I will definitely fix this! I don't really know how to get her to be likable and a brat tho >.<



I have writer's block. I can't write. It is the will of the gods. Now, I must alphabetize my spice rack.
— Neil Gaiman