East Holloway.

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“I did not watch 7 hours of YouTube make up tutorials for this!”  Sienna yelled at her inner goddess who was too busy laughing at her to care. You see, her inner goddess was a bitch. She looked up into the dirty mirror and cringed. “You look like you’ve just been cast for the movie ‘When Make Up Goes Wrong’.”  Her inner goddess giggled. Well, that wasn’t all that bad. At least she could be cast in a movie. Today, the 13 of August 2015, was the biggest night of her life. It was so important that the future of her whole college career was hanging in the balance.

Tonight was an induction night at EHU, that meant she would meet her future friends, or enemies. So what if EHU was a sucky university? It still was one. And one that Sienna Goldforce had gotten into. The same Sienna Goldforce who, when she was a freshman in High School, thought there were 100 seconds in a minute. That’s right... Little miss cheerleader Sienna had gotten into a university. She hadn’t been planning on going to an actual university but unfortunately - Wait scratch that last. Fortunately she had gotten into EHU. Not only was this a chance to not completely fail at life but to have freedom. Freedom that had been taken away from her by the ultimate blond bitch herself, Chloe White. Well, no more blond. Sienna looked at herself... Her new self. Sparkling black hair now slipped past her shoulders which made her boring blue eyes pop, her nose now had a piercing and her once boring shoulder now had a tattoo of a swallow. She looked down at her new killer Dr. Marten creepers, tight black leather pants, top that slopped over her shoulder which read ‘Mind My French’ and her blue lady gaga inspired bandanna that made her look as sexy as hell, if she was going to say so herself.

When she had been dropped off by her mom two days ago, she had been wearing a bright pink blouse, skinny jeans, pearl necklace and her blond angelic hair had been up in a bun. In the two days Sienna had been in East Holloway, Louisiana, she had reeked havoc all over her mom’s credit card. She had stuffed all of her old clothes in the Dumpster outside the hotel she was staying in and went completely insane. A whole new Goth wardrobe. It was the best decision she had ever made. If her mom was to see her now, she would probably have a heart attack. If Chloe was to see her now, she would probably attack her and send her to a psychiatric unit. So maybe Sienna was going through her midlife crisis twenty years early. It was always better to be early right? Well, Chloe couldn’t see her now, no. She was off gallivanting around with the USC. Well, whatever, Sienna wasn’t a cheerleader now.

She was a dancerYup, no more cheerleader. She was going to be a professional dancer. She looked into the mirror one more time. So what if she had only just managed to scrape the eyeliner off her eyelids so she didn’t look like Amy Winehouse on crack? She was still hot, sexy and absolutely amazing. She grinned at herself and picked up her black diamond clutch she had gotten for $3 off e-bay and went into the ‘Hotel Holloway’ (or as she liked to call it -  Hotel Crap) entrance. When she had been at Crossroads High (really stupid name) she had been in the popular clique. The girls had literally fought each other just to sit on the same table as her. Well, now the tables were to be turned. Sienna was never ever going to be a bitch again. ‘You were born a bitch, so you will die a bitch.’  Her inner goddess shrieked Chloe’s tag line as if it was some sort of religious necessity. Well, not anymore. She gathered up her inner goddess and demanded that she was to let go of Chloe's influence and stepped out into the warm midnight air that was Louisiana and headed straight for EHU grounds.                    

The grounds where surprisingly far away from East Holloway’s center of fun, and were at least fourteen, fifteen blocks away. Sienna was relieved she wasn’t wearing her heels, they would have broken her ankles by the time she had gotten there. When she reached the entrance to the grounds she saw groups of girls linking arms and giggling with each other. Deffo BFFs. East Holloway was a really small town and Sienna was unsure whether everyone here was going to know each other, very different from Virginia Beach. She straightened herself up as she reached the entrance gate. East Holloway may be a small town but it had one hell of a high security rate. You couldn’t so much get on EHU grounds without a student identity card. She looked at the scary looking bouncer that stood at the gate. He didn’t look much like a bouncer, he had a short crop hair like he was in the army, and was kind of skinny. However, the guy looked like he could blow up a building in his sleep.

“Card?” He asked, looking at Sienna with frosty eyes. She went into her clutch and pulled out her card and passed it to him. He swiped it through the machine and handed it back to her forcefully.

“Welcome to East Holloway miss Goldforce.” Good God he was scary. Looking at him with agitated eyes she took the card off him and put it back into her clutch. Walking up the gravel path which leads to the main hall, she began to panic a little bit. What if no one liked her? What if she was destined to be alone forever? “Oh quit your whining! Think about the after parties!”  Her inner goddess was a whore. University functions were not going to be that cool, however, the university after parties were going to be.

She was greeted by two nerds... Wait, two guys by the door handing out leaflets. One of the guys widened his eyes when he looked at her. Right, test number one of not-being-a-bitch was in procession. She looked at him right in the eyes and grinned. “Thanks.” She said warmly and by the look of relief on his face as he smiled back, test one of not-being-a-bitch was complete fabulously.

When she walked into the main hall, people were laughing, smiling and not looking in her direction. Good, that’s the last thing she needed. Opening the leaflet out of curiosity she saw that the university was already sending them into cliques. “It’s just the natural order of things Sienna. Which is why this little experiment is going to fail.”  Sienna ignored the misery guts in her head and looked at the map of the school. The science labs were having a Chem Lab introduction, the Maths department was having some sort of test (Test? In spare time? What?!), The English department was having some sort of debate on whether the UN is successful, the music department was having a battle of the bands which she would totally check out and of course, the performing arts center was having a dance off. Well, good thing Sienna had been working through the summer on her moves.

Sienna started to make her way towards the Performing Arts Centre and she began to feel a little alone. Normally she would be with a big group of girls, today she was totally and utterly companionless. It’s was going to take time getting used to it she supposed, but as she saw the huge campus that was the Performing Arts Centre, she couldn’t help but smile.

The base was turned up so high, the gravel was having its own little rave. Before stepping into the main corridor, she had an inspirational talk with herself. “Right... This is it. Own it. We can do this”  Her inner goddess puckered her lips impatiently. The music was so loud that it almost burst her eardrums. This was what she liked, if it was too loud, you were too old - thank you Steven Taylor. Walking into the room on the left she saw a HUGE stage were at least a hundred people were raving, a boy at the front was pulling some awesome break-dance moves and everyone applauded him. He bowed with a laugh and a blond girl pushed him out the way and started to grind. That got everyone's attention. Sienna gathered up all the courage she had left and walked towards the stage. She caught the eyes of a couple of girls on stage and she smiled at them embarrassingly. They waved at her and brought out their hands to help her up. As the two girls pulled her up, they smiled.

“HEY!” One shouted over the music. “MY NAME IS KELLEY!”

“COOL! MY NAME IS SIENNA.”

“OH SWEET, NICE TO MEET YOU SIENNA. MY NAME IS JOANNA.” Sienna smiled at the two girls as they went back to raving. Sienna never felt self-conscious when she was dancing. She was too caught up in the music to notice anything really. Well, test number two of not-being-a-bitch, had gone okay. She already took down two names. Whoa! The music changed to the band Gold Filter... Oh, this was her song. Right, test number three get-your-ass-on-the-dance-floor was officially underway. She pushed her way to the front, and watched as a guy did the worm. She cheered when he was done, and headed out into the middle. All eyes were on her. “Oh, it’s on bitches.”  Her inner goddess snarled.

She felt absolutely amazing, like she could take over the world. She could hear Kelley chanting her name and she smiled at the support. Nothing mattered when she was dancing. Every time she danced, a little bit of herself changed for the better. The whole crowd was cheering her name, and with one last hair flick she punched her fist into the air and applause rippled through the music. Well, test three of get-your-ass-on-the-dance-floor was complete and she had rocked it.

“My god! You were amazing!” Joanne applauded as she stepped out of the ring.

“Where did you learn to dance like that?” Kelley aspirated. “Seriously girl, you got moves.”  Right, remember your rules about being nice. If they compliment you, compliment back.

“Well, I may have moves but I’ll never have an ass like that.” Kelley grinned, her white teeth shining.

“It’s my African blood baby!” She yelled as he turned and shook her ass.

“You're right about that!” Joanna yelled.

“Yo, ladies, ladies.” Sienna turned to see a guy smiling down at them. He was what Chloe called H-O-T.

“Yo yourself.” Kelley said with an agitated expression. His eyes glinted when he looked at Joanna.

“Haven’t seen much of you around Jo. Where have been hiding?” She giggled.

“Here and there.”

“Oh, get a room. You saw her last night!” Kelley said aspirated while shaking her head.

“What do you think Jo... About the room?” The boy grinned.

“I dunno...” And she stepped forward and kissed him. The kiss was well, deep as hell. When Joanna pulled away he looked confused.

“What was I talking about? Oh, yeah! The new girl.” He turned to Sienna. “You have got some moves on you, seriously it was great.” He smiled. “Already got a couple rumors flying around that you slept with at least three guys in the past five minutes.” Sienna rolled her eyes.

“Well you tell those donuts to scoff it. They wish they slept with me in the last five minutes.”

“Yes they do.” He laughed. “Well, there’s a huge party just off campus in a house on Rembrandt street. You ladies should totally come.” Jo grinned.

“Totally coming.”

“Count me in.” All three turned to her.

“Oh sure. Sounds fun.” Sienna nodded in agreement. The boy lent forward with his left arm still around Joanna’s waist.

“What’s your name?” He asked. His voice was low, almost like he was whispering it. Something happened, it was weird. Like... She went all cold inside. She looked into his eyes and almost screamed. His eyes were white... White. She blinked and everything seemed to change.

“Francis! Don’t scare the new girl!” Joanna laughed. Francis laughed as well, grinning at her.

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Yes you did. Just ignore Francis baby doll, he’s an asswipe.” Kelley said, putting her firm arm around Sienna.

“Ouch.” He grinned. “Well, I'll see you ladies later.” Sienna watched as he winked at her.

“So, new girl.” Kelley said with a grin. “You had a tour of the school yet?”

“Not really, I just looked around with my mom last month but they never really showed us anything.”

“What’d your mom think?” Asked Joanna, “did she like it?” Joanna and Kelley laughed at a private joke.

“I think she was surprised I got into any university at all.”

“Ah well, it doesn’t matter what parent’s think right? It’s all a bunch of crap anyway. You're in a dorm right?”

“Well yeah. I wanted to house share but they wouldn’t let me. Something about the crime rate.”

“And they're right.” Kelley said with a dark smile. “The crime rate is devastating. They wouldn’t want little Freshman’s like us getting into trouble would they?” Kelley and Joanna started to laugh at a private joke again. Sienna got a little uncomfortable but her inner goddess snarled. “We said we’d be nice! Not a baby. So, join them and knock that party to shreds!”   Well, Sienna was out voted. She grinned at the two girls.

“Come on girls, show me the ropes.” Kelley and Joanna smiled at her broadly.

“I like this one.” Joanna said.

“Sames.” Kelley agreed.

EHU wasn’t as big as Sienna thought. Actually the biggest building was the Preforming Arts Centre. The science and maths departments were tiny and only about 40 students studied there. The English department was nearly as good as a Preforming Arts facility. However, it wasn’t as big or nearly as full. Sienna was a little surprised when the tour was over and Kelley took her elbow.

“I think we’re going to be besties.” Joanna giggled with a smile. Er, I’ve known you for five minutes. That’s what Sienna wanted to say, that’s what she would have said a few months ago. However, she was changed person. No more miss Bitch. Sienna simply smiled back at the girls.

“I think so too.” As Sienna was looking at Kelley and Joanna, she didn’t notice the girl that was to bump into her.

“Hey watch out fatty.” Kelley screeched. Sienna turned to see, well, a rather large girl drop her books to the floor. Sienna would have once laughed at the girl, now she felt sorry for her. Sienna, letting go of Kelley’s arm, went down to help her pick up her books.

“Run.” The girl whispered. Sienna looked up in surprise but the girl had already turned around.

“Not the princess anymore hey Carmen?” Joanna shouted. Carmen seemed unphased and walked away down the corridor.

“Best to just ignore that one. She’s a freak of nature.” Sienna started to feel uncomfortable with these girls, they ain't what she thought they were. They were basically her. “I like them. We should keep them.”  Her inner goddess giggled. Before she could complain, Joanna grasped her elbow.

“Come one Sienna, the party’s about the start.” Joanna’s eyes seemed to glow.

“Oh Sienna, you’re going to love it.” Their smiles were as fake as their eyelashes.

Rembrandt street wasn’t that far away. Once they were off campus, the walk was about three maybe four blocks to the east. Sienna was caught in an arm-lock between Kelley and Joanna who were chatting to each other.

“This party is gonna be great. I heard Leonardo is coming.” Joanna said.  

“Wait, Leonardo the badass? Oh my god, I can’t wait! You’ve got a boyfriend so hands off.” Kelley had a dreamy look in her eyes.

“Yeah, but you are aware of Leonardo’s two tenants?” Joanna argued.

“Hey, you said it yourself tenants not friends. Anyway I could fix him.” Joanna laughed. Sienna suddenly remembered what her mom always said.

“A boy worth fixing isn’t worth your time.” Sienna immediately regretted it. These girls were just a Chloe reincarnations, and if Chloe was here she would have hit her for being stupid. Well, we all know saying something meaningful is stupid.

“Your totally right.” Kelley said nodding her head.

“Yeah, girl. You're really cool, nice and a good person.” Right, something was off. Something was very off. First, Chloe would only be nice to someone if she wanted something. Kelley and Joanna wanted something from her and whatever it was, Sienna wasn’t sure she wanted to give it.

“Yeah, totally right Joanna. Oh, look we’re here!” Sang Kelley letting go of Sienna’s arm and running over to the start of a large housing estate, however, no sign of a party. Kelley ran into three boys, one was Francis and the others were unrecognizable. Joanna let go of Sienna’s arm too and went running to Francis who swung her around and kissed her right on the lips. Hard.  

“Hey! Sienna, get over here and meet Bryon and Cameron.” When Sienna walked forward towards the group, she took a look at the two boys. They looked extremely uncomfortable, not sure where to look. Bryon, the one with the bright yellow jacket looked pale in the moonlight. Cameron looked only a little younger than herself. Maybe 16 or 17 years old.

“Heya.” Sienna whispered, her voice almost gone. Bryon caught eye contact with her and smiled sadly, keeping his head down.

“These two boys have been naughty I’m guessing.” Joanna said, looking at Francis.

“Look at his jacket,” Francis said with a hand gesture towards Bryon. “That in itself is a crime.” Both Joanna and Kelley laughed, though Kelley’s laugh was shaken. Sienna, looking at Kelley with harsh eyes, though she did not like Francis as much as he thought.

“What are we going to do with them?” Asked Joanna with a smile. That was it for Sienna. What are we going to do with them?  That was creepy and too much. Test four of not-being-a-bitch was going to be harder than she expected.

“Hopefully nothing.” Sienna said, bringing her head up high. She looked Joanna with her bitch eyes. Well, the test was an F. So what? This situation was one she didn’t think she would find herself in.  “That’s the spirit Sienna! Yey, back to your our self again.”  Her inner goddess grinned as Sienna flipped her hair. Kelley and Joanna seemed a little shocked, and it took them a minute to take it what she had said.

“Why? Don’t you think these boys are well, a little pathetic?” Her eyes passed Bryon’s bowed head. “Well, yeah.”  Her inner goddess whispered. “But let’s take these girls down!”

“No actually, I think you two are. Let them go.” Bryon’s head snapped up, and he shook his head at her in panic.

“Oh look, even little Bryon knows when to shut up.” Kelley said through gritted teeth. “Bitch did not!”  Her inner goddess exploded.

“You just totally did not tell me to shut up.”

“Oh, looks like we got a feisty one, girls.” Francis laughed.

“Looks like we do.” Joanna frowned, and looked at her like she was trying to figure out who she was.

“Your right I’m one hell of a feisty girl, so to avoid a fight I think you should just let us go, hun. I’m telling you out of experience that Dr. Martens hurt like a bitch when they’re planted in your face.” Francis was no longer laughing, he stepped forward pushing Joanna away from him.

“Are you threatening me?” Asked Francis standing over her. She didn’t realize how tall and wide he was compared to her.

“So what if I am? What are you going to do about it big boy?” With unyielding strength Francis stepped forward and took her by the hair. Sienna was completely unprepared and screamed as the pain ran through her scalp.

“Well, you’re all talk and no walk ain't you? That was easy.” His breath smelt, metallic? It was as scary as hell. He turned her so he had her arms and her back was planted in his chest. Sienna yelped as she saw Kelley had Bryon on the floor. Squashing his face onto the concrete, she thought she might have even heard a crack of his nose. Cameron was still standing with his head down, he looked frightened. “Yo, Jo, the bottle’s in the bag.” Joanna went down into the backpack that was lying on the floor near where Francis used to be standing. Joanna went into the backpack and pulled out a bottle of Avian.

“Ooh scary. Water, what are you going to do with that? Hydrate me?” Sienna choked as Francis held her throat.

“You just don’t know when to shut up do you?” Joanna growled, holding up the avian bottle. “Whatever is in that bottle, you don’t want it. Do not drink any of it.”  Well, no shit there inner goddess. Joanna unscrewed the bottle and held it up to Sienna’s lips. Sienna shut her lips until she felt them going cold, Joanna growled softly. “Open your mouth you Goth bitch or I swear I will do more than kill you.” “Kill me? Oh my god no. Kick Francis in the balls, do something!”  Her inner goddess screamed.

Okay, Chloe had been crazy but not this fucked up. Francis moved his hands from her throat and up her neck to her mouth and opened it violently. The clear liquid went down her throat, it tasted like water. Water with side effects. As the water went into her system Francis dropped her to the floor. Sienna turned to run but Francis caught her by the hair and pinned her back down. She looked up and felt warm blood trickle down her forehead. Sienna saw vaguely Kelley sitting on top of Byron as she tried to force the avian water down his throat. Sienna started to feel dizzy and her head began to pound.

“Where’s Cameron!” It sounded like an echo in Sienna’s ears.

“Oh shit, he must have ran off!”

“Which one are you having Kelley?”

“I’m taking this one if you don’t mind; you two have the Goth bitch.”

“Oh thanks.”

Sienna tried to force her eyes open but they wouldn’t budge. She was suddenly tired. Oh, so tired. She rested her head gently on the floor. I’m not going to die. I’m not going to die.... 

 

Comments & reviews · 1
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StellaThomas
Review

Hey there! Okay, so this is a super interesting beginning to a story. I like the whole idea of Sienna's transformation, it makes for a really interesting and unusual character, so kudos for that. I have a few issues though that I think could be easily fixed:

-Sienna's opinions of herself- while I get that she's trying to change who she is, some of the things she implies about herself are a bit... weird. As if it's you, the writer, saying them rather than Sienna thinking them. No matter how desperate we are for change, we still don't see ourselves that objectively. Specifically, I'm thinking about, say, the first few paragraphs. They're the ones that need working on. But I like the idea of her conflicts and her change in style.

-What triggered this change in character? That's the other thing I want to know. What opened her eyes to the way she and Chloe and the others were acting and how it was wrong? That doesn't just flick like a switch, it's either gradual or something triggered it. And I'd like too know what.

-Dialogue- your dialogue is good, but I think you need to be clearer on who says what. A lot of the time I wasn't really sure. The bit with Byron towards the end is especially confusing.

-Transitions- try making the scenes distinct from one another rather than melding together. It'll help with your pacing.

But other than that, this was pretty good, you have a great writing voice and this was a good beginning!

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x



i, too, use desk chairs for harm and harm alone
— Omni