Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Horror

12+ Violence

The Things That Scare Me

by Eve


I hate going to sleep. It takes me places where I should never go. I'm always asked about the bruises under my eyes, but I lie, I say 'no big deal'. But... it really is. Keeping the light on doesn't help, my eyelids bring the darkness to conquer it.

Why? Why is there so much screaming? Why am I running? Why am I so... so alone? Another shriek joins mine, I turn. I'm not alone. It's so much worse, there's so much blood... so, so much! Why? Why am I suffering? What did I do? More screams join in and I look at them, their wrists linked together by metal chains, hovering above the ground. 

I can't move, I can't save them. Hot tears begin to run down my face, I touch my hand to my cheek, it comes off red. I'm dying, dying... but still alive to witness my family's suffering. Why? Why? What did I do? Oh, please take this away! I'm begging, on my knees, screaming.

I try to drown out their cries. Some invisible being hurts them. I hear the cracks. I hear the snaps. Oh, help. Oh, help. let me save them! LET ME SAVE THEM!

I can't move, can't move. can't move! just let me go to them! Let me go, let me go, LET ME GO! I'M SORRY! LET ME SAVE THEM! I'm being held, pulled away. NO! I struggle, can't move, can't move, can't move!

LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME SAVE THEM! I'm sobbing, blood drips on the floor, sizzling. I'm crying, screaming, thrashing. Can't move, can't move, can't move! LET ME SAVE THEM!

silence

I wake up held by my blankets and run out of my bedroom. I go to every room, one by one, and check on them all. Running my fingers on their foreheads. Safe, safe. Just a dream, just a dream. I breathe deeply. My baby sister begins to cry, I get her from her crib and hush her. She's safe. They're safe. Just a dream.

But it scares me so much. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
841 Reviews


Points: 664
Reviews: 841

Donate
Mon May 07, 2018 2:03 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this composition about the dread that your nightmares are causing. It certainly does vividly describe a scene that would be terrifying to most people. Screaming, blood dripping from loved ones whose bones are being snapped, a pitiless invisible entity in control, the feeling of having done something wrong to deserve such inhumane treatment.

Sounds like the hellfire and brimstone teaching to me. Sometimes that religious message is part of the sermon one one might listen to at church. If we are always being threatened with hellfire then we might begin to worry about ourselves and our relatives. So that's one kind of message we should try to avoid.

That's because the brain will produce dreams according to the images and information that we feed it. For example, if we watch tons of zombie movies and other such horror flicks, pretty soon the brain might get the idea that our conscious self enjoys that kind of thing and begins to provide it free of charge in dreams with us as the protagonist.


It could also be a symptom of depression:

Worsening depression and anxiety can cause decrease in concentration, confusion and easy distractibility and forgetfulness. Night mares are a common anxiety phenomenon.

Source: HealthTap, https://www.healthtap.com/user_question ... nightmares


There are also medications that cause nightmares
https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/g ... n-adults#1

Suggestions

I say 'no big deal'.
I say “No big deal.”

More screams join in and I look at them, their wrists....[Screams don’t have wrists.]
More screams join in and I look at them. People’s wrists....


my eyelids bring the darkness to conquer it.
my eyelids bring the darkness.

I can't move, I can't save them
[ can't move! I can't save them!]

Hot tears begin to run down my face, I touch my hand to my cheek, it comes off red.
Hot tears begin to run down my face. I touch my hand to my cheek and it’s semeared red.

let me save them!
[Let me save them!]

My baby sister begins to cry, I....
[My baby sister begins to cry. I....]
[My baby sister begins to cry and I....]
[My baby sister begins to cry; I....]


I'm sobbing, blood drips on the floor, sizzling. I'm crying, screaming, thrashing. Can't move, can't move, can't move!

[I'm sobbing. Blood drips on the floor, sizzling. I'm crying, screaming, thrashing. Can't move! Can't move! Can't move! ]

Thanks for sharing. Looking forth to reading more of your work.




User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 66
Reviews: 6

Donate
Sun May 06, 2018 11:41 pm
Winged067 wrote a review...



Hi! This is a really good story here, and I really love the suspense, and how it felt as if you poured your emotions into this piece of writing.
But, there is a lot of times where I see you using past tense, and then present tense, which happens all the time!
Like when it says, "I'm being held, pulled away. NO! I struggle, can't move, can't move, can't move!"
Held and pulled is past tense, but struggle is present tense. There is more of this in this book, but if you are trying to write in past tense, you use: "-ed" and like "had" or "having"
I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope that this works out! Also, make sure you check over capitalization and grammar!





find your aesthetic and flaunt it
— manilla