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E - Everyone

monolougue- comedy

by Eve


Please excuse the square brackets, it's stage directions for myself.

I'd really appreciate ideas/ crtism to make it funnier/ more comedic

Contemporary monologue

I've competed, well… [angry/bothered] participated, in a lot of sports. And over the years, trophies pile up. And they're all plastic! I've never won anything good. So now I have these plasticy doo-dads that shame me. It is [exasperated] painful. I'm serious. [Straighten invisible tie] It's an epidemic.

At the end of the season, my coach, at whatever time…whatever sport... would haul in this [spread arms] big box of [hand above head] huge trophies. Then he'd pull them out [pull out trophies] one by one. [Deepen and roughen voice] “I’d like to recognize everyone here today… Natalie gets the two foot tall [ spread arms two feet vertically] MVP award. Holly gets the three foot tall [spread arms a little wider] Loudest cheerer award, Shelly gets the tweeeeee[ run to one side of the stage to the other] eeeeeeeeeenty feet best sport award…” [pause, look at an invisible list] then he'd get to me. “[confused deep voice] And you… what's your name again? You played on the team, right? Well then. You- you get...[Reach in pocket and pull out trophy] the three inch participation award! Woo-hoo!”

*Yaaaaaaaaaaaay [jazz hands]… no. [Hands down in sulky teen posture]

And even worse than the participation award... the [over enunciate] ‘100% award.’ I can't tell you how many are in my closet… it's embarrassing. It's like telling you [jump back and forth in a runner position] “hey, even though you got last place, you gave it your all. Even though you made us lose, you gave it your all. Even though you are a crappy player and we never want you on the team ever again...… [Pause and be super peppy] you gave it your all. And we all appreciate that. [Pause… look suddenly stern] Now get out.” Then I'd receive the plastic award with a little cup at the top that would break the moment you touched it. [Snap the top of the trophy off, throw it behind]

The worst experience I can recall is when I competed in a five-person competition. I had injured myself earlier and hardly did anything. I didn't expect to get an award, at all

And I wish I hadn't. When The judge began handing out the awards. They had a first place, second place and third place trophies and a fourth place medal. Now, because I didn't really do anything in the competition, they didn't really want to award me. So they resorted to insult.

They had a small, plastic, [rant] again. Why PLASTIC[look up to heaven as if WHY?], medal for me. It was previously a fifth place medal. Which is insulting enough. But it had been covered with tape… and written on that tape, in fading pink sharpie pink sharpie were the words ; participation award!


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User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 75
Reviews: 8

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Tue May 15, 2018 1:57 pm
LivitheWriter4 wrote a review...



This is an excellent monologue, and I would positively use it for a future audition. There are just a few things that were questionable. Maybe not have the character run around the stage because she/he might run out of breath, or have to have their sentences cut short in order to take breaths. Maybe write the brackets on the side or at the end of the sentence because you might read them out loud because they are in the middle of the sentences. I'm sorry if this sounded really negative, but it was an excellent monologue.




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119 Reviews


Points: 10789
Reviews: 119

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Sun May 13, 2018 11:37 pm
Clairia wrote a review...



if this isn't me i don't know what is

Hi there! I'm Londone, here to review your work!

Being a theatre kid myself, I found this hilarious and relatable, which is everything I want in a comedic piece. It's witty, the jokes are short and sweet, and it's overall fantastic. Definitely preform this if you plan to!

A few short nudges of critique would be that I found you kept lingering on the topic of actually receiving medals for a bit too long. You spent unnecessary time talking about the physical distributing of the prizes rather than moving on to the next joke or coming back to an old one for repetition. (Though repetition is important, it's crucial to remember that too much can bore your audience.)

You were missing a few punctuation marks and some of your spelling was a bit off as well. Here are a few examples--

In your title, "monologue" is spelt incorrectly. Easy fix, though.

...ideas, crtism...

"Crtism" should be corrected to "criticism".

There are a few other nitpicks that you could probably spot in a second if you went back to edit.

As for your request for ideas--hm. Maybe you could tell us about a specific time when you messed up in a sport? Like if you tripped over a hurdle while running, or got hit in the face with a tennis ball. Anything funny like that would add a very nice touch to this script!

All in all, I really liked it! Thanks for sharing!

Londone





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