Yes, my siggy is from this poem I wrote, just changed a bit. My first stab at two-lined poetry. Enjoy.
Carpe Diem
Sing and cry, for when you die, who will hear your voice?
For when Death comes to beg for Life, you won't have the choice.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
Ok guys, I edited it! WOO!
"Dead Poets' Society"? I love it so much!
This is a lovely piece, and I agree that it's a very brave move.
I agree with gadi about the semicolon, you don't really need it.
I'm not sure about the syntax of "you have not the choice", though I'm not sure what I'd suggest in its place because the rhythm and rhyme are perfect. Maybe play around with it...though nothing really rhymes with "voice" so you'd kinda need to keep "choice" at the end... Maybe "You will have no choice?"
Thanks guys! Actually gadi, I own that movie and love it!
Good Job! I liked this. Like gadi said, there really isn't that much to critique on, but for just two lines you really got your message across. It actually almost sounded like the first few lines of a song, but maybe that's just me.
This is totally different than other. You took a brave step and was congratulated for this.
Very good. Really new and creative
Well done
Interesting.
Capre Diem...Really nice title.
Two lines of poetry--it's a bit bizarre--and I like bizarre things!
However, this is not easy to complete an entire critique on. I can only find one thing that is wrong, while the rest is too small to actually be a masterpice.
I especially liked the title--I really want to see the movie "Dead Poets Society", which has "Cape Diem" in it. It really fits the poem.
"you die; who"
Why ;? Why not just: "When you die, who will hear your voice?"
"You have not the choice."
Confusing, but the poem can't be without it.
Nice job overall. For two lines.