When the prince kissed sleeping beauty
They say her lips were rosy pink
They say she lay with her hands folded
Expectant, her golden hair like sunlight on the pillow
Sleeping perfectly still, dreamless.
Something to look at.
They didn’t say how the prince let his robes fall
They didn’t say how she was a body
To him.
a wedding bed,
A pricked finger, she was
an artwork with no boundaries
Something to see with his fingers
Something to feel with his mouth
She was skin
for his heavy breath to gather on
When he breathed her back out again
And left her drained in the same sunlight
Woken by the pain of a newborn child
Who sucked the poison from her blood.
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This story compells an impressed reaction from me, "sucked poisen from her blood," perhaps this is saying the child had healed her, helped her to live again, just with his or her birth. This brings a completly seperate perspective to the prince, which I find intriguing. Many could find this sort of story relatable, as many may have been in a simular position. This reminds me of the original tale of snow white, who was impregnated in her sleep by the prince. And was not awoken by a kiss, but by the touch of her newborn baby. Not only that, but the Prince also had a wife at the time, which did not make the scene, any brighter. Wonderful poem, 9/10.
I love how you twisted this around. The words you use are excellent, and I love the themes in this poem. I love Disney stories, but my favorite is when people take them, and twist them into an even more enjoyable read. I believe there should be a couple of commons, and remove a few of the periods, but otherwise the word choice is excellent, and I love the image it protrays. Overall: Well done.
Hey! Luke here for a review!
So, first of all, I love the topic you’ve chosen to discuss here in this poem. It’s incredibly poignant, and, although it shouldn’t be, is fairly controversial. As writers, I believe it’s important that we don’t shy away from controversy, because that’s what keeps readers engaged. Literature is a fantastic tool if it’s in the hands of the right person. I really love how you’ve taken a story that is well known, but stripped it back to its origins, which were rooted in a time when sexual assault was normalised. I think it’s important to recognise that so that don’t repeat our mistakes.
But, onto the poem itself. There are certain elements I definitely enjoy about the piece. The repetition of certain words is incredibly effective, and it creates this very spiteful tone to the piece which helps convey the disgust of the voice; it’s something that demonstrates incredible talent. Further, your imagery was great. I love the repeated motif of light and blood- they really helped to create this sense of tension in the poem.
However, I do believe it would be great if you added to this imagery. Explore beyond normal conventions and forge a new path for yourself. Don’t be afraid to play with language; write words for words sake. A second point I wanted to briefly discuss was structure. Read your poem aloud. You’ll see that there are points where the flow is off and where it’s a little difficult to get your mind around the meaning. Words and punctuation are means to facilitate a message, so keep working on that.
On the whole though, a stellar poem. I look forward to reading more.
Keep writing,
Luke
Aw, thanks! that's really sweet. Frankly, I'm usually a little embarrassed by my poetry so I don't put it up. It was really nice to get some good constructive criticism so I can make it even better!
Ah, never be embarrassed Europa. We%u2019re all here to improve. And if the rest of your poetry is anything like this, there%u2019s really no reason to be ashamed.
I really like this poem. I have always loved disney stories, but i prefer the grimm brothers versions. However I feel that this is left rather unfinished. There doesn't really seem to be an end. But overall I feel it was very beautifully written. I hope that what inspired you to write this wasn't sexual abuse, however if it was you can always come talk to me. i was a victim so I will understand and am always willing to lend a listening ear. Anywho Good Job! Keep it up!
~Hanna
While I myself have not been sexually abused, I have friends who have been and I also feel the indignity of women being seen by some men more as objects than actual human beings, which is what the poem is about mostly.