It’s a small and simple thing
That fits in my arms easily,
Smelling of paint and ink, cover stained
where the white spaces had been colored something more interesting,
Stickers cling to its skin.
The pages are brown around the edges, overripe
The cover chapped by the pen clip.
It is old and drained,
Tired, but still it holds on
Where others have fallen,
Shed paper like hair from unstrung backing
Doctored by duct tape.
But this one is stubborn, unpeeling,
Keeping its spine intact by force of will,
Holding onto its pages like a vice.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,270 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hi there! I absolutely loved your poem. I love the way you explained the attachment we can get to a certain notebook, the ones we pour our heart and souls into. Your imagery is great. It reminds me of one of my favorite notebooks. I had written poems in it as a present for my Yaya; she had cancer and was getting sick. She died before I could give it to her, but I still have it, sitting in my room.
One little thing... When I was reading your poem it read smoothly except for where you put, "where the white spaces had been colored something more interesting" and "Doctored by duct tape". When writing poetry it is important that your sentences are around the same length so it flows. Other than that you did a great job!
Keep writing my dudes!
Gem here, climbing out of her jewelrybox for a review.
I like this poem. The way you've explained this. How heart warming it is. I've felt the same way myself about some notebooks of mine, but how you put it really made it special. You've definitely given the feeling that the notebook is well-worn and well-loved, maybe it could even be cherished. I'm getting an image of it being the notebook you write in draw in capture your imaginative world in. The book your dreams are scribbled into, it is beautiful.
I will offer some constructive criticism because this is a review by saying, there are capitalization inconsistencies. But that's all I see.
Keep writing this is Gemini signing out, and climbing back into her jewelrybox.
1.
this line is very long, mostly due to the awkward-sounding "something more interesting" epithet, and would benefit with a bit phonoaesthetic rephrasing. the readers can infer without it that color is more interesting than blankness.
Example:
2.
on the other hand, this line is too short, or rather abrupt-sounding. adding another syllable or two would improve the flow.
Example:
Nice poem!
Hey, there! I like this simple, yet heart-warming piece you've posted. The way you've taken something that could be overlooked or called common, and made it shine it the poetic spotlight, is cool and inspirational. You've definitely given the feeling that the notebook is well-worn and well-loved, perhaps a favorite. I'm getting an image of it being the journal or sketchbook that the narrator takes everywhere and uses to capture the beauty of life. Maybe that is not exactly the thought you had in mind when writing this poem, but it is beautiful.
Other than that, you've done a great job. Keep it up!
I will offer a bit of constructive criticism by saying, keep an eye out for capitalization inconsistencies. Each of your lines begins with a capital letter, which is fine, but the fourth line seems to have missed the memo.
yeah that's a product of spell check, I wrote this in a word document, and I have no idea why the fourth line wasn't capitalized as well that's very weird. Thank you for pointing those things out!