Trapped In A Cage.

I plan to write a review for all three of your short storys, but each will be individual from the other. It will be up to you as to which is the best. This was certainly very interesting, and I see how it could made into a full length story. The main flaw (which isn't very important but I feel I should point it out anyway) is not introducing the character's gender nearer the beginning, to iron out confusion. What it does very well however is giving a sense of long term in a small number of words. The sense of mystery wa also great. You might want to make the FOOD description a little longer...

Hi, I'm Celticmusicgirl and I'll be reviewing this piece today. I'll review the others later.

Okay, so this was very interesting. You ahve peaked my curiosity. I'm curious as to why she cannot get around the lake.

I spotted only a few errors that were just simple spelling mistakes.

recognised should be recognized

realised should be realized

I really like your descriptions especially the description of the dress and her hair.

I would like to know more about the character though. How old is she? What is her name? Who is she? That kind of stuff.

Overall, nice job on this story.

PM me if you have any questions or comments concerning this review. Please continue writing this story and PM me when you post more.

The intro was well done, except for the repetition. Variety is the spice in the writing.

I don't usually bother with grammatical errors or spelling but the extra exclamation marks are not needed. One is enough. If you wish to show the true energy further, use another sentence.

The metaphor of the bird in the cage and the island and her was artistic, I liked it. In this story, and all of your other stories, clothing and appearance is heavily focused on. I know it's fun to make your characters pretty, well-dressed, and unique, it is sometimes unnecessary though. In fact, if it doesn't show anything about the character, it shouldn't be added. In this story I felt it was used well. The red dress further made the connection to birds in a cage. Usually birds are brightly colored and beautiful. The dress does well to make the character fit that metaphor.

I liked this line 'When I moved my hand I noticed that my nails were painted the same scarlet colour as the dress. As well as finding a basket next to me and realised it was full of food and the necessities I would need to survive.' It really showed how this girl cared more for her appearance then being a bad ass survivalist. It's like 'hey my nails are so cute! and oh there's some food and lifesaving supplies. cool'. I like it.

The ending could be rewritten to show more than tell. Instead of telling us about the familiar figure, maybe give the character a portion of the phrase itself. Tell it in a whisper to keep the mystery. Maybe the character can remember the faint scent of dead roses as the unfamiliar figure passed by. I don't know. Out of all the stories, this one grabbed my attention the most.

Although they need to be revised, I liked your writing. I like that you are writing period. Great writing comes from re-writes. I consider these shitty first drafts. Don't be offended though, everyone has shitty first drafts. No one, not even J.K Rowling, George R.R Martin, Ernest Hemingway, Roald Dahl, not even Dr.Seuss wrote a great first draft. Slice my ear off if I'm wrong.
-I sincerely hoped I helped. This is my vote. VVV

I love it.
I love the fact that she feels like a bird stuck in a cage that seemed to be endless.
you put a lot of meaning in it.
a lot of details.
all in all
11/10

That was really well written. I enjoyed reading it, though I still think the intro to the star story was my favorite... Like I said, this one was good, but I just didn't understand what was going on all of the time. There seems to be a lot of jumping around between places and ideas...it definitely sounded like a dream (which is a cool thought especially for a short story).

I won't go into much detail since I'd probably just be repeating myself, but you need to work on two main things.

Showing, not telling.
Using less words and stronger vocabulary (just be careful not to overdo it, use words that fit).

And I think that's it for this one. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more from you in the future. I wish you the best of luck in your writing endeavors!

Very nice story @EscapeToNeverland!
I have to tell you something; I'm a sucker for short stories, especially the ones that are extremely short yet extrememly descriptive, and you did a great job of doing that. I love how you describe the character's surroundings and what she's wearing. I could really see these things in my head-- it was almost like watching a movie!

In terms of content, like I said before, it's really descriptive, which is good. I also like the conflict the character is having; some physical force keeps preventing her from getting to the place she wants to be. This force always seems to force her back to square one, which is in the forest. It seems like some sort of mind game is going on, right? I was also reminded of the Hunger Games when this line was inserted:

"I found a basket next to me and realised it was full of food and the necessities I would need to survive. "

I went outside. I went outside to get some fresh air. The air felt cold.

I went outside to get some fresh air, and when I did, it felt cold on my skin.

There's a lot of repetition here:

"I could feel the damp earth beneath my head and wondered how long I had been on the ground for. It seemed like I was passing out every time I got passed the large lake that lay in the middle of the forest that I wondered. But yet EVERY TIME I WOKE I found myself at the other side of the forest."

"It was like being TRAPPED IN A CAGE. Like A BIRD. I felt like A BIRD TRAPPED IN A CAGE, a cage that seemed endless but really stopped just before you got where you wanted to be. EVERY TIME I WOKE I felt something tug at the back of my mind, like something was trying to reveal itself. This time was no different."

(I don't know how to bold, but caps lock is pretty much the same thing, right?)

Since you're a fairly young writer, just as myself, I'll cut you some slack. I can understand that the second instance of repetition (the "bird in a cage" metaphor), you were trying to emphasize your point. However, a better way to do so would be something like"

"It was like being trapped in a cage, as if I was a bird. I felt so utterly useless trapped in this cage - it seemed endless but really stopped just before you got where you wanted to be."

See? It's better to sort of space out the usage of a certain word. It makes it much smoother for the reader and still gets the emphasis you first intended across.

You said "passed out" a lot, too. Synonyms are always easy to find online, and can help make any writing look well thought out.

Also, good job with the suspenseful ending! The storyline was really interesting too. I can tell that you'll only get better from here! I hope my advice helped!

Keep writing